


Miraculous Wonders

by adtrstiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Gay, M/M, NC-17, Porn, Rough Sex, angel porn, dean/cas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-19
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-08 21:57:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adtrstiel/pseuds/adtrstiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cas and Dean fool around one night when Sam is gone, their one night stand turns into endless amount of love and sex. When Sam returns to find them in bed together, he questions Dean's morals and considers him a liar and leaves. Cas and Dean spend time together in different hotels, Cas becoming more human, looking for Sam. With worrysome messages from Sam to Dean, they find each other, but aren't together too long because Sam turns evil and does something unforgiveable. As Dean tries to recover from the events, he sets out on a mass hunt with Bobby to bring Sam back. The results in the hunt decides Cas and Dean's fate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make everything seem as real as possible. I tried to make Castiel play his own role. I tried to put myself in the shoes of Kripke and the writers to make the characters depict themselves, making up things they'd actually say and making up how they'd actually react in certain scenarios.

"It's very complex" Castiel said in a hard tone, wrinkling his brows, concentrating on what was in front of him. Sam and Dean let out an echo of acknowledgment as they continued to do some research. "If the pizza-man truly loves this baby sitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?" Cas asked sternly, still focused on the TV set. Dean glanced at Sam hastily as he wiped his face with his hand, beginning to think. "Perhaps she's done something wrong" Cas added as he moved from the question and stared at the TV set in a mixture of confusion and awe.

"You're watching porn? Where the hell did you find this anyway?" Dean asked, disgusted.

"Well it was...there" Cas answered, still watching the porno in front of him.

"Dammit..first of all, you don't watch porn in a room full of dudes, and last, you don't talk about it! Turn it the hell off!" Dean exclaimed, still confused and disgusted. Cas acknowldged him, but he felt a raging sensation inside of his pants. He looked down to see what it was, confused, amazed, startled. A little angel, not knowing the feeling of an erection, finally had one, and Cas didn't know how to react.

"Dean, I would like to try this with you. Perhaps you could be the pizza man, it seems...amusing. The baby sitter seems to enjoy the lashes on her rear" Cas told Dean in his obvious firm voice  as he stared at him. That stare that Cas always gave Dean when he was being serious.

"Well..I think I oughta get outta here.." Sam raised his brow, packing his laptop in his bag, moving fairly quick.

"Where're you goin'?" asked Dean, surprised.

"Oh you know...." Sam stumbled with his words, trying to figure out a way to leave the awkward state the room had been flooded with, "out to get some dinner, ya know" he smirked with a fake laugh that Dean could read easily. Oh how well he knew his own brother. But to be honest, Dean would've left if he had the chance to too, so he nodded at Sam, giving him a look saying I know you're lying, but I'd get out if I could too. As soon as Sam was out the door, Dean stood up, beer in hand, pacing the room, thinking, occasionally rubbing his chin in astonishment as Cas studied him, as he always does when he notices Dean has something on his mind.

"Look Cas I-" Dean began before he turned around to have Cas centimeters away from his nose. Dean, startled, dropped his beer as it shattered on the ground. He glanced at the broken substance on the ground, then back up at Cas, one eyebrow firmly raised. "Dammit Cas what'd I say before about personal spa-" just then Castiel grabbed Dean's waist, pulled him close and gave his best effort to re-create the kiss he saw at the beginning of the porno. Dean, struggling to get away from Cas, pushed him to the ground. "CAS WHAT THE HELL?" he yelled as he wiped the slobber from his lips in disgust. He was too focused on removing the saliva from Cas's sloppy kiss, that he forgot about poor Cas on the floor, with a puppy-eyed look on his face, almost as if Cas wanted to....cry. Dean stopped for a second to look at the saddened angel on the floor and a gush of remorse flooded his body. He quickly moved to help him up. "Cas I'm sorry it's just I...I don't bat on that team ya know? Son of a bitch, do you even know what team you bat for?" asked Dean, with a smirk on his face.

"Team? What team? I am not affiliated with any team, Dean. I do not get your reference." Cas told him, looking Dean straight in the eye. His eyes were full of anger, confusion, but most of all, lust. Dean's smirk was wiped off of his face in an instant. "I just...I just wanted to try this. It's human..I mean..isn't this what you humans do? For leisure? I just thought, engaging in such activities would make me feel..human," Cas added in a calmer tone as he stared at the ground and walked around Dean, Dean closely watching, with pity, "I.....I just wanna be like you. I like you Dean." Cas looked up at Dean, his baby blue eyes staring into Dean's greens, half-smiling, but also half sad.

Dean let out a sigh of sorrow and regret. "Well jeez Cas I....I'm sorry. Humans...we...we're filthy, lustful creatures.....sex, sex, sex is what we think about, it's true but, sex is usually between a man and a woman...sorry Cas," Dean shrugged, giving a notion of remorse, "but I would be able to hook you up with a pretty lady if you've still got that uh- you know..angelic boner of yours down there." Dean smiled with great humor in his voice.

Cas stared at Dean, thinking, "Dean, I am just a vessel. I am not male, nor am I female. Does that count?" asked Cas as he inched toward Dean.

Dean raised his brows, second guessing himself. He attempted at answering that statement but all the came out was air and noise.

"Dean...we...us, can we engage in these acts of lust? Together? In unison?" Cas asked, raising his chin just a bit enough for Dean to understand Cas wasn't bluffing. Dean lowered his brows, thinking of what to say, trying to put words together. Cas tilited his head as he always did when he was confused.

"Gee Cas I...I don't know." Dean answered, nervously scratching the back of his neck, beginning to pace the room again. Little did Cas know, Dean wanted this. Dean had fallen in love with this angel from the get-go. He didn't show it much, but he was madly in love and now was his chance, he just never imagined it beginning this way. He leaned his back against the counter of the crummy kitchen, arms crossed, studying Cas vaguely. Maybe it's not that bad of an idea I mean...technically he's not a dude.. he thought to himself, Cas still staring at him, waiting for an answer, with loosely clenched fists. Dean smiled. That smile was enough for Cas to take it as a yes, but Dean didn't mean it in that way.

Cas walked slowly towards Dean, his erection still raging in his pants. Dean's eyes widened for a bit, but realized he didn't care. It was Castiel. A fucking angel! If sex with the countless number of women Dean has engaged with felt like heaven to him, imagine what sex would be like with an angel! He tilted his head a bit, waiting for Cas to give him another kiss. He felt himself tingle all over. Not the type of sensation he got when about to have sex with a woman, a different sensation. A sensation he thought he'd only be able to feel with Cas.

Cas was finally at Dean's height, staring at him in the eyes. Dean waited, longing for Cas' juicy, soft lips to be wet against his, perhaps have Cas' tongue down his throat, that would be nice. Cas moved his head forward, towards Dean's lips, slowly, almost torturing Dean with the wait. Dean squeezed his lips. He was tired of waiting, but Cas' lips met Dean's and they were off. The tenderness of Cas' lips were orgasmic against Dean's. Cas let out moans of shortened breath, roughening up his kisses, moving his hands up and down Dean's waist. Soon with one hand in Dean's hair, and one hand on his fit ass. Dean's hands stay calmly on Cas' waist, gripping tight, moaning shortly. Cas released himself from Dean's lips, as Dean tried his best not to let Cas leave his lips, biting Cas' plump, bottom lip. Cas looked down towards their feet in amazement, then slowly back up at Dean who was staring at Cas with lust.

Cas pushed Dean as much as he could against the counter, as Dean tried removing Cas' clothes.

"W-what are you doing?" Cas pulled away, startled, fixing his already backwards tie.

Dean chuckled and left the counter, walking towards Cas, as Cas backed away, frightened. "Chill Cas...I thought you wanted this?"

"Not to take my clothes off, Dean" he answered, sternly.

Dean just giggled again, "Cas. You said you wanted sex. Well, I was letting you sex me up over there, and I take the motive to start it and you freak out? What the hell Cas?"

"And what happens after you remove my clothes?" Cas asked, lowering his eyebrows, walking towards Dean again.

"The magic" Dean smiled, arms wide open.

"Magic?" Cas asked, confused, as he didn't get Dean's reference, once again. Then it hit him, "so you get to...slap my rear?"

Dean rolled his eyes and laughed, "yeah sure Cas, just come here okay."

Cas nodded and walked towards Dean, confidently as their lips met again. They moved to the bed, slowly, lips still attached, short moans leaving their mouths as Dean lead the way and removed Cas' clothes. Cas plumped on the bed, Dean on top. Dean parted lips and asked Cas to take Dean's clothes off.

"Dean..I..I don't know how to remove your cothing. Perhaps you should show me." Cas suggessted and nodded at Dean, firmly.

Dean looked up and smiled at the cieling, what else doesn't Cas know about something he wants to do? "Alright," he smiled as he grabbed Cas' hand, guiding it to the bottom of his shirt, "now pull...up. Pull up and my shirt will just magically come off" Dean smiled and laughed at the thought that he was basically teaching Cas how to have sex and most importantly, life skills such as removing clothing. Cas stared at Dean, his look was as though he was asking for re-assurance if it was okay for him to remove his shirt. Dean nodded. Cas looked at Dean's gray shirt, so tight against his body. He studied it, focused on it. Then, he gripped the shirt and ripped it off. Dean's eyes widened, lips partly separated. Cas looked up at him as if he were asking if his notion was acceptable. Dean smiled and guided his hands towards his pants. "Now, Cas, don't rip my friggin' pants off okay? Here's a zipper. You gently pull the zipper down, and then unbuckle, and then you can take my pants off." Dean said, a bit annoyed at the fact he had to teach Cas the basics, but he couldn't be annoyed with Cas for too long, he was a precious angel. His precious angel. He watched as Cas struggled to follow Dean's instructions. Impatient, Dean removed his own clothes and pushed Cas down with great force.

Cas' eyes opened wide as he stared at Dean, who stared back at him. Dean lowered himself, chest touching chest, skin touching skin. Cas felt heavenly against Dean's bare skin. He liked it. Dean let his nose rest in the crease of Cas' neck and pecked his throat and chin and shoulder. Cas closed his eyes and let out short breaths.

"Dean.."

"Cas..."

"This is ...this is great..." Cas whispered.

"Just..just wait Cas..it'll get better" Dean said as he moved down to Cas' hips, then down to his dick.

Cas opened his eyes and smiled, anxious for what was in store.

Dean wrapped his hand around Cas' rock-hard cock and stroked gently. Dean was pleased with Cas' moans which were growing in length and sound. Fuck! How that noise made him quiver, shake, made his hairs raise, made his cock harder. Cas squirmed on the bed, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"D-Dean..."Cas arched his back up in pleasure.

"That's it Cas..but that's not all" Dean laughed.

"There's more?!" Cas asked, excited, eager for more.

Dean licked his shaft, then from the base, to the tip, shoved it in his mouth as Cas squirmed and yelled in pleasure, Dean could feel Cas' hands clutching the sheets, one hand up behind him on the headstock of the bed. Cas' hands moved over Dean's head and softly clenched his hair. Cas shut his eyes tight, flaring his nostrils, and biting his lip. He couldn't believe this amazing thing was happening to him by...by Dean.

"Dean...more...more Dean, more!" he grunted, barely forming the words. Dean, hand still on Cas' throbbing cock, moved up to his nipple, sucking and licking it, then moving to the next one, then up to Cas' juicy lips, kissing them tenderly. Dean could feel the tension, the excitement, the happiness, the lust from the way Cas's lips trembled as they kissed.

It was time.

"Shit!" Dean exclaimed as Cas raised up to meet him, staring in wonder, head tilted to the right, concern in his eyes.

"What is the matter Dean? Are you not enjoying it? I am sorry.." Cas said as he worredly looked down to the side, as if he failed Dean.

"No don't worry Cas, you're doing great," Dean told him and Cas looked up in relief, then soon again tilted his head in concern as he grabbed Dean's hand.

"Then what is the matter Dean?"

"Lube Cas. I have no lube."

"Lube? Perhaps I should get some."

"Cas no it's fi-" but Cas had fluttered away, only soon to come back as he usually does.

"Here Dean" Cas said as he handed the confused Dean the bottle of lube.

Dean took it in surprise, looking at it in confusion. "Cas, how'd you get this?"

"I just...I just got it." Cas said, still, somehow under Dean's grip.

Dean smiled and shrugged as if he said fuck it.

He poured lube on his fingers as Cas watched in awe, in confusion. "Dean what is that for?"

"Oh you'll see kiddo" Dean smiled and winked as he shoved Cas back down and made way for his opening. "Now relax Cas. If I am hurting you, let me know." and Cas nodded, kind of worried, but still willing to try.

Dean rubbed the circumfrence of Cas' hole, hearing him moan and grunt.

"D-Dean...."

"It's okay...you'll be okay"

Cas squeezed his eyes shut and moaned loud enough, Dean thought the room next door could hear the smut.

Dean slid one finger into Cas' tight hole. Cas squirmed, arched his back, hand on the bedpost, the other clutching the bed sheets. Dean circled, curved, pushed, and pulled his finger inside of Cas. It felt unreal to him, his finger was inside an angel. A male angel, or so he thought. He added another finger, moved in time with Cas's moans and squirms. Then another finger. It was all a  blur to Cas. With each finger, the tension built up inside of Cas. He felt like he was gonna explode. He squirmed and grunted, and struggled to hold on to the bed post any longer as his arm went limp and fell on his face.

"Dean...oh Dean. D....EAN. DEEAAN" Cas cried, vigorously opening his mouth and his eyes, almost in pain, but not quite.

Dean stopped, took his fingers out and watched in pleasure as Cas squirmed, helpless, lustfully on the bed in front of him. He put his fingers to Cas' mouth. Cas stared at his hand, then at Dean, confused. Dean pushed his fingers closer to his mouth and made him open his mouth. Cas sucked his fingers and tasted himself for the first time. He closed his eyes, his eyebrows squeezed together in repulsion. He hated it, but he didn't wanna fight Dean.

Dean took his fingers out of his mouth and lubed up his cock. Cas dropped his head back on the pillows, closed his eyes, and sighed as his head collided with the soft pillows, he was ready to have Dean inside him.

Dean looked at Cas, asking if it was okay if he entered now. Cas nodded slowly, scared, yet anxious at the same time.

Dean spread Cas' legs wide open, propped his ass on his knees as he entered Cas slowly. The tip barely being in, Cas let out a cry of pleasure. For a moment, Dean coulda swore Cas said "fuck." Dean smiled as put the rest of his cock inside of Cas.

Cas tightened his eyes, dug his nails into Dean's back, while his other hand ran through his own hair, biting his lip and moaning. Dean put Cas' legs over his shoulders, grabbed them and began to stroke forward and back, side to side. In rythym with Cas' squirms and squeals of pleasure. He couldn't believe he was fucking an angel. He loved it. The thought if it alone got him off, made him want to come already. Cas' moans and groans made Dean tense up, gave him the motivation to fuck him harder, completely blocking out the fact that he could be hurting Cas.

But that wasn't the case. Cas was loving it. The burning sensation he got around his asshole, the shocks of pleasure that burst through his body, the constant arching of his back, clenching of the bedpost, thrusts, smashing of skin, the sound of their skin smashing made Cas tense up, ready to come any second. He didn't know what this new feeling was...in his cock...he was ready to come and he had no clue.

"Cas....C-Cas"

"Dean...oh...oh Dean"

Dean leaned forward, noses touching, kissed Cas' lips softly. Cas could barely open his mouth for a decent kiss. He was too tense.

"Dean...I..something...something's happening..I..I think I'm gonna explode" Cas tilted his head back along with an arched back. Dean grabbed Cas' hair and smiled and pressed his nose on Cas' nose, lips barely touching.

Talking through lips, Dean told him, "Don't worry Cas, you're gonna feel.....a lot better"

Cas grabbed Dean's hair just as Dean held his. Mouths opening and closing, orgasming in unison, making eye contact the whole time. Cas bit Dean's lips, stretching it as far as Dean would let him. Cas let go and propped his head back, letting Dean bite his neck tenderly.

Dean came inside Cas, he felt it, but he stayed inside for a longer while. Cas looked down towards his stomach. It was the first time he saw this white substance, so warm on his body.

"D-Dean..what is that?" asked Cas, out of breath, but still wondering, curious Cas.

Dean smiled and told him "that's your come."

"Come where?"

Dean laughed, "your semen."

"Oh.." Cas brought his brows together, smiling as he looked up at Dean, he was pulling out.

Dean stared at Cas with lust and kissed his soft lips once more as he fell on top of Cas.

Cas smiled and kissed Dean's forehead. He moved his hands down to Dean's ass, lifted his hand, and slapped down and the room echoed the slap.

"What the hell Cas?" Dean asked, confused.

"You never slapped my rear like I asked, so I figured I'd do it to you" Cas squinted and stared into Dean's eyes, as if he were asking if that were okay.

Dean stared back, half smiling and nodded, "Hell, okay."

Dean scooched over on the other side of Cas as Cas' eyes followed his Impala-driving bad-boy. He watched Dean, studied him, looked at him with awe, lust, and most of all...love.

"Dean.."

"Yeah Cas?" asked Dean as he tried to get comfortable in bed.

"I think I love you."

Dean stopped moving, stared at Cas in shock. He's just an angel. There's no way he knows what love is..n-no way.

"Yes I do know what love is Dean" Cas stared at Dean, reading what was on his mind in real-time. "I do love you. Whether you love me back or not."

Dean thought to himself. This angel, saved him, rescued him from hell, rebelled for him, goes out of his way to help him. Who else does that for him besides Sam? "I love you too Cas....I really...really do." he kinda smiled.

Cas smiled and moved close to kiss Dean's lips. Dean closed his eyes and kissed back, smiling.

"Dean, next time, I want to insert my penis inside of you. Is that acceptable?" asked Cas gently, his baby blues looking at Dean, like a lost puppy wanting to find home.

Next time? Dean thought. Hell, he'd love a next time, "yeah Cas. Next time."

Castiel sighed  with a smile as he put his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. In that moment, Dean knew there was some humanity inside of Castiel, his beloved angel. He watched Cas fall asleep as he wrapped his arm around him, and fell asleep with him.

An hour later, Sam walked in with dinner. "Guuuys I'm back with some foo-"

OH MY GOD.


	2. The End Is The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex , sex, sex, and more sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex.

 

 

                             Sam paced the hotel room back and forth loudly, purposefully trying to wake up Cas and Dean. If there was a word stronger than livid, that's what Sam was. This whole time Cas and Dean went behind his back and  _fucked?_ This whole time, this whole fucking time Dean had the hots for Cas? It didn't make any sense to Sammy, he was always used to his older brother hitting on women and having his occasional one night stands with them; and to see this womanizer naked, in bed with  _their_ angel. He just coudln't believe this atrocity, he was done, and this time he meant it. He stomped on the floor a few more times and a loud _THUD!_   flooded the room, finally startling only Dean. His eyes were wide, bright green, like emeralds shining in the sun. His eyebrows expressed a ghastly, yet tired look on his face.

"What the hell Sam?" he asked aggressively, trying not to wake Cas up.

                                 "What the hell? What the hell? You're asking  _me_  'what the hell?' What about  _you_ Dean? Something  _you_ wanna share with the class?" Sam scoffed, talking so quick that Dean had to take a minute to comprehend what he had just said. Dean looked confused, scoping the room quickly.

"Uhmm.." Dean murmurred as Sam flared his nostrils and clenched his fists, growing angrier with his brother.

"Listen Sammy if this is about Ca-"

"You're damn right it's about you and Cas! What the hell are you thinking? Keeping something like this from me? And with....  _Cas?_   Since when have you grown a liking for dick?" asked Sam, hastily.

Dean smirked, "you should try it some time Sammy, it'll change your life" he remarked as he stood up, blanket covering his parts as he slid into his jeans. Sam scoffed intently. 

"DEAN. I'm being serious. Why would you keep something like this from me?" he asked.

"Keep what? I'm not  _keeping_ anything from you. Think what you want Sammy but in the end, it was just a one time thing." Dean answered, instantly regretting saying that because he had promised Cas another special night with him. He was afraid Cas would hear him.

"I'm so done with you and your secrets! We're supposed to be in this together! All until that damn pet angel of yours glued himself to you. You never pay attention to  _me_ anymore!" Sam shouted, hinting envy in his tone. Just then he had seen Cas, naked and standing next to Dean.

"So is that what I am Sam? A pet?" Cas asked, glaring into Sam's soul-less vessel.

"Cas, put some friggin' clothes on" Dean told him and Cas obeyed, soon to return to Dean's side.

"Yeah Cas. You  _are_ in fact a pet. Ever since you flew into our lives, you've taken Dean away from me! Now you're here fucking him!" Sam shouted, inching towards Cas.

"fucking?" Cas asked, confused.

"Sam you stop what you're saying right now! He saved me Sammy, don't you get that?" Dean replied, standing in front of Cas, acting as his shield. He knew he was an angel, but Sam was strong too, "So stop being so damn jealous of Cas because you're still my little brother and I still care about you."

Sam looked away for a moment, thinking. His attention turned back to Dean as he shook his head in utter disturbance and voice cracking, he said, "No. You're not sorry, and I'm leaving. I'm done here. I'll fight this battle on my own"

"Sa-"

"and don't try coming after me, I'll find someone who'll give me their  _full_ attention. Someone I can trust. No more secrets, nothing Dean. Don't call me, don't worry about me. Who knows, maybe you won't even think about me since you have Cas around. I'm  _done."_ he conveyed as he made way for the door.

Dean caught him by the arm and begged, "please Sammy....no more secrets, I promise," tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Sam huffed and shook his head in disbelief, "I'm done explaining myself. Goodbye Dean."

"You walk out that door and I swear to God you better not come back!" Dean shouted, trying to convince Sam to stay.

Sam stared into Dean's green eyes, open the door and left with his bags.

* * *

Dean sat at the edge of the bed, head in his hands, shaking his legs. Cas tilted his head in confusion, like a curious dog and walked towards Dean. 

"What's the matter Dean?" Cas asked as he sat next to him. Dean rose his head, his teary-eyes stared at Cas blankly.

"Nothin' don't worry about it. Sammy's just....he's not right in the head at the moment and well, just don't pay attention to what he had said about you earlier."

"I understand Dean," he said as he continued his stare, almost losing himself in the emeralds.

Dean met Cas' stare and they stood silent for a few moments, the stares growing more intense as Cas' face grew closer and closer until their noses swept each other. Cas' eyes looked down at Dean's lips as did Dean's to Cas'. 

Cas gingerely placed his firm hands on the outlines of Dean's perfect jawline as Dean hurried into the kiss, ruining Cas'  idea of a slow and steady kiss. Cas whimpered like a puppy as Dean shoved him down on the bed, making the bed squeak as the headboard pounded the wall. 

"Dean"

"Cas" Dean whispered as he removed Cas' pants, realizing there was no point in telling him to put clothes on. His mouth moved down to Cas' pelvis, leaving a  _smack_ sound everytime he aggressively kissed his skin. He could feel Cas' hands run through his hair, he was enjoying it. He notioned up towards Cas' torso, sucking, biting, licking, kissing every inch of his body as Cas squirmed about, shoving his head upwards, and arching his back as Dean gripped  _him_ tight. He made his way up to Cas' lips and kissed him with great pleasure as he kissed back, softly, but Dean didn't accept his politeness and roughly bit his bottom lip, making Cas moan and arch his back higher. Dean exorted him back down, removing his own pants, resting his ass on Cas' bare legs. Before Dean had a chance to return to Cas' lips, Cas rose and pushed him down, stratling him like a horse.

"Damn Cas, you've learned a lot in just one night" Dean smiled as he looked up at Cas, who looked sternly determined to pleasure his man. He arched down to nibble on Dean's ear as Dean closed his eyes and rubbed his angel's neck and stroked his back slowly and romantically. Cas had depicted he had wanted to  _make love_ , not  _fuck for fun_ as Dean had called it.

"Dean" he whispered in his ear.

"Yeah Cas?" Dean asked faintly, mezmorized with Cas' voice.

"Am I doing this right?" he asked as he stopped himself to stare at Dean.

He opened his eyes to have Cas' nose touching his, directly staring into his eyes. Dean was lost instantly. He forgot about the question as he stared into the deep blue depths of Cas' eyes as they moved, and studied Dean carefully. He then began to examine Cas' plump, juicy lips, swiping his finger over them as Cas closed his eyes. He brushed back Cas' dark brown hair from his forehead and placed his forehead on Cas'. He pulled him closer and closed his eyes with him and whispered, "you're doing great Cas," and he felt a smile erupt on Cas' face, one of the first genuine smiles they shared together. He had forgotten about Sam. Sam was right. Dean's smile turned into a stern frown and Cas sensed it.

"Is everything okay?" Cas asked, eyebrows uniting in confusion. Dean shut his eyes as he brought a hand up to his temple, rubbing it softly. "Perhaps I've done something wrong.."

"No Cas, no. Sorry I just...Sam was right." he said as he rose up a bit, Cas backing down.

"About?"

"About me forgetting about him. This whole time we've been in bed together...I forgot about him."

"Dean, it's only been 20 minutes. Maybe...perhaps he will come back. Perhaps he needs, what's the term.... _space_? _"_

_  
_Dean smiled and shook his head and answered, "you're right Cas, screw Sam. Now, where were we?" he asked as he pulled Cas back down with his arms wrapped around Cas' neck.

Cas' lips forcefully pressed against Dean's and he had no choice but to kiss him gently. Cas started out softly, but Dean kicked it up a notch, sticking his tongue down Cas' throat and he followed suit. Stern, manly grunts escaped their mouths as their hands were at each others' cocks, jerking them in unison, on one anothers'. Cas whined like a scared puppy trying to find its' way back home as Dean jerked Cas off. He kept moaning, whimpering, whining, screeching in pleasure as his hands gripped the headboard, making it hit the wall everytime he motioned forward, the squeaks of the bed coincided with the thrusts of Dean's hands on Cas' hard cock. Precome had lathered Dean's hand, but he had no care in the world.

"Dean" Cas sighed, backing down to have knees on the bed, one hand holding his cock, as he lowered himself to Dean's cock.

"Cas, baby, what's next on your agenda?" Dean smiled as he propped himself up on his elbows, eyeing Cas the whole time.

Cas wrapped his big lips around Dean's thick cock and took it as far as he could go. Dean's head fell back, one hand pushing Cas' head deeper and deeper until he heard him choke. He gripped his hair and pulled him back. Cas panted and wrapped his hands around Dean's cock, stroking it, jerking it off, licking, sucking, kissing every inch of his cock. Oh how it throbbed for him, and how Cas wanted it so bad. He stood up, pulling Dean by his arm and let Dean's hands fall onto his waist as Cas kissed him, whispering in his ear that he wanted Dean inside of him.

"Yeah baby?"  _kiss._ "Is that what you want?"  _kiss._ "I'll give it to you, all you want" he grunted in Cas' ear. Cas moaned and reached down for Dean's cock. Dean bent him down roughly, pushing him towards the bed as Cas gripped the sheets at the moment his hands felt the bed in front of him. Dean bent down and ate Cas as well as he could, feeling him squirm on the bed in front of him. He whimpered and yelled, biting the sheets, clenching them.

"Come....come on Dean..please" Cas begged. Oh how badly he wanted him inside.

Dean laughed and continued to tease him, twisting his fingers inside of him, kissing his back. Without lube, Dean forced his way in and Cas jumped and yelled in pain and pleasure. He whimpered and whined, grasping his waist, thrusting in and out of Cas, roughly. Cas' cheek lay on one side of the bed, squeezing his eyes shut, mouth opening, no sounds coming out. Dean bent over enough to where he could bite Cas' ear and kiss where his neck met his head. He placed his his hand on top of Cas'. They moved their hands to Cas' stomach and placed it there, Dean squeezing it.

"I love you Cas" Dean moaned in a whisper.

Cas was too lost to answer. The bed squeeked and moaned, the headboard banged with every thrust of Dean's hips. Beads of sweat formed on their faces. Dean slowed down a bit, calming Cas,he could tell Cas was loosening up inside. Instead of laying there, Cas quickly got up, removing himself from Dean's grip, grabbed him, threw Dean on the bed just as he had been. Rather than asking what in the hell he was doing, Dean smiled. How cute, his angel was finally learning the concept of rough sex.

"So much for being tender huh Cas?" Dean laughed.

"Shut up" Cas exclaimed.

"Whoa, fiesty, did you learn that from the Pizza Man as well?"

Cas stopped what he was doing and stared at Dean, "this isn't funny, Dean. You promised me this."

Dean stared at Cas in awe and yet, with confusion, "well shit Cas, alright."

Cas followed the same routine Dean had done, figuring out how to eat Dean just as well as he did to him. Dean grunted, he was shocked. He had no idea Cas was capable of this. Was this even Cas?

"Shit Cas.."

Without further adieu, Cas stuck his rock-hard cock in Dean's ass. Well, he tried. He kept on tryng to force himself in.

"CAS! Careful! Use this.." Dean shouted as  he reached for the lube. Cas remembered what to do after seeing Dean do this last night.

At once, he was in and he dropped his head back, a sudden feeling that had never come over him before took over his body. His body tensed up, tingling everywhere. At the same time, Dean moaned in agony.

"Fuck Cas..." he grunted, teeth clenched.

Cas grabbed onto Dean's shoulders and thrusted back and forth, in and out, slowly at first, then picking up the pace, skin slapping on Dean's, the headboard still crashing against the plains of the wall behind it, the bed squeeking with every thrust. Cas fell forward, the sensation was too much for him to handle, he thrusted out of pattern, one time here, one time there, then a few times all at once, they grew weaker, slower, and yet, more pleasureable. He pulled Dean's hair, or what was there to pull. Dean exhaled and moaned, trying not to let whimpers come from his mouth as Cas had before. Cas pulled out and pushed Dean down, coming all over Dean's stomach, as did Dean. He fell on top of Dean, whimpering as Dean carressed him, shushing him.

"It's alright Cas, I'm here baby" Dean whispered as he scratched Cas' head. Cas' eyes closed, nose against Dean's chest, hands placed on both sides of Dean on the bed. They both panted, ending their orgasms almost together. Cas kept his eyes shut, a look of concern on his face.

"You alright Cas?" asked Dean. But Cas only nodded as a half smile grew across his face.

"I feel human" he smiled as he opened his eyes, grinning like a fool, teeth and everything, definitely a sight Dean had not seen before.

"that's great Cas...that's really great" Dean smiled as looked into the distance, thinking.

"Thanks to you" Cas smiled as he inched towards Dean, kissing his lips softly, then layed next to him, letting out a sigh of relief.

Dean smiled after he'd been kissed and fell back on the bed with Cas. He put an arm around him as Cas turned and put a hand on Dean's chest, gently stroking it.

"Oh and I love you too" Cas smiled as he met Dean's eyes which looked filled with glee, "and by the way, did I..perform well?"

Dean laughed and stared at the cieling, then back at Cas, "well i wouldn't know. never had anything  _in_ me like that before and God forbid anyone but you is getting inside me" he finished and kissed Cas' forhead.

"Great" Cas smiled and rested on Dean's chest. 

"Hey how about you and I go get something to eat? Since you're all  _human_ now, why not try a bite?" asked Dean, "besides I could use some time without Sam by my side for a while."

He stared at Dean for a while, trying to figure out Dean Winchester. "Alright" he answered as he got up and dressed himself. Dean followed and before they headed out the door, Cas grabbed Dean's hand and kissed him softly, "let's do this again. And never stop. Forever"

"Cas," Dean laughed. Cas was just too cute to handle for him,"that's not possible, but if you mean that we should never stop having sex every couple nights or so, I'm definitely down for that" he smiled and winked, making way for the door before Cas grabbed his hand again.

"Okay Dean, I'm taking your word for it, I am....  _down_..." he said, and kissed Dean's neck, "I,"  _kiss,_ "will," _kiss,_ "never,"  _kiss_ , "leave,"  _kiss_ , "you,"  _kiss._

_  
_They headed out the door, hand in hand.


	3. I'm Here Now Dean

Cas climbed into the Impala as Dean started up the car; the engine purred for Dean as he rubbed the dash, as a mother would rub her child when it woke.

"Cas, you like music?" asked Dean, not moving the car until he had an answer. Cas looked at him, confused.

"I thought only you could pick the music Dean" he answered, studying him cautiously.

"Well, I'm willing to give your music a try" Dean smirked as he stared at Cas, almost losing himself in the hardness of his blue eyes.

"No Dean, I don't listen to music," Cas replied, turning his head to stare out the windshield, hands in his lap.

"Oh c'mon Cas!" Dean chuckled as he pulled the car out of the parking spot, one hand inching towards Cas' thigh, "baby don't tell me you don't listen to music"

Cas stared at Dean in disappointment, "I don't."

Dean stared, confused, but didn't want to argue any more, "well, once you listen to this, that'll change" he laughed as he cranked up the volume as  _Enter Sandman_ had blared from the radio. Dean air drummed carefully as he drove down the empty street. He rocked out, always turning to Cas but he didn't once budge. He just stared out the windshield, studying the trees and parked cars ahead of them. "Oh lighten up Cas, c'mon!" he shouted over the music as he grabbed Cas' hand and began to wave it around.

Cas turned to Dean, looking greatly perturbed as he swiped his hand back to his lap. "Dean, please."

"Come on!" Dean exclaimed as he rocked out some more, being sure to check the road for other cars.

Cas shut his eyes tight and covered his ears, and then, a slow and soothing piano harmony danced out of the radio. Dean's eyes widened as he stopped rocking out, putting both hands on the wheel, staring at Cas.

Cas loosened his eyes, still closed, dropped his hands back down to his lap as he smiled in pleasure and relief.

"This? This is what you're into?" Dean scoffed, still staring at Cas.

 He opened his eyes, still smiling gently, stared at Dean for a few moments as Dean's eyes lowered to Cas' lips, then quickly back up to his eyes. "Yes Dean. The sound of the piano.....it soothes me, it reminds me of when I used to play for my brothers"

"You play piano?" Dean asked, surprised.

Cas looked back at Dean with a subtle, toothy grin and nodded. Dean nodded back and smiled, looking up and down at Cas' face as Cas returned to look out the window.

"Guess you're just gonna have to play for me some time huh Cas" Dean smiled and focused back on the road. Cas let out a mumble of acceptance.

* * *

They reached the diner, just in time for lunch. A little hole in the wall joint where on the sign read  _Craig's Diner: Open 24/7_. Dean opened the door for Cas and as they walked in, they felt eyes glued to them. Dean looked around subtly, found an open booth towards the back and sat down with Cas, facing each other. A waitress assisted them and handed them menus. Cas, confused, took it from her and stared, studying her as he had done to nearly anybody who came 2 feet from him. The waitress gave him an uneasy look as she glanced at Dean, uncomfortably and Dean just smiled back until she left, then he turned to Cas, letting a out a sigh of weariness. Cas still stared at the waitress as she had walked back into the kitchen. Dean cleared his throat in attempt to get Cas' attention. Nothing.

"Cas," no answer. "CAS," he raised his voice enough for the few people around them to look quickly.

Cas turned and looked at Dean, half smiling, "Yes Dean?"

Dean smiled as he brushed his chin, trying to think of what to say to Cas, "quit with the staring, okay? It's freaking everyone out, including me at times."

Cas brought his brows closer as he looked down, confused, "it's important to make eye contact with the pers-"

"Okay but Cas just quit it, if not with me, then with everyone else."

Cas nodded, still looking down at his lap.

"What can I get for you gentlemen today?" the same waitress asked with her pad and paper out.

"I'll take a burger and fries, with a coke" Dean answered, closing his menu, looking at Cas and waiting for him to answer.

"And for you sir?" she asked Cas, waiting to write something down. He didn't answer. He only stared down at his lap, often looking up at Dean, without moving his head up.

"Cas.." he said, smiling in embarrassment.

He continued to look down, "Dean"

The waitress' eyes widened a bit and turned to Dean, without blinking.  _what the hell_ , she thought.

"Make that 2 orders of burgers and fries." he smiled as she wrote it down, smirking, putting emphasis on what she was writing, swiped the menus and walked back to the kitchen.

"Cas what the hell?" Dean whispered loudly, leaning over the table a bit.

Cas looked up and smiled, "was that good?"

Dean stared in confusion and impatience, "was  _what_   good?" he asked.

"You told me not to stare at people, so I didn't" he answered, staring at Dean, "only you."

Dean smiled and looked away quickly, "Cas I didn't say to ignore them."

"Ye-es but-"

"Just enough of this, stare all you want okay babe" Dean half smiled and grabbed Cas' hands, staring into his eyes, not caring who saw.

"Dean, I think people are staring" 

"Ah screw em, they aren't you." Cas smiled and stared at Dean, blocking out the flabberghasted spectators as they returned to their meals, having conversations amongst themselves.

Dean brought Cas' hand up to his mouth and pecked it softly, observing the hand carefully, then burying his nose into his knuckles, closing his eyes. Cas brought Dean's hand up to his own mouth and mimcked Dean almost exact. Dean breathed into Cas' knuckles, "I love you" and then kissed his knuckle, lowering his hand back down to the table. Dean, still holding Cas'other hand, studied him softly and cautiously, making his way back up to the depths of his pool water colored eyes, going for a dive and losing himself in them. Cas removed his hands from the grip as the waitress set the plates in front of them. She did it in a hurry, very rudely, as if she were disgusted by their embrace. Dean eyed her sternly as she walked away. Cas stared until she disappeared in the kitchen.

"Bitch" Cas said as he picked up the burger and examined it.

Dean laughed to himself, how cute, his angel was picking up 'people skills' faster than he thought. He stuffed his face in his burger and moaned in pleasure.

"stuffs' good" he said with food in his mouth, "Come on, take a bite."

Cas sniffed the burger and stared at it, "cow."

Dean stopped chewing for a moment and smiled, he finished his bite and said "yeah Cas, it's what these gifts from heaven are made of."

Cas frowned, "how is a dead cow in cicular form a gift from heav-"

"Just eat the damn burger Cas." Dean rolled his eyes and took another bite of his.

Cas sniffed it once more as Dean rolled his eyes, abnoxiously sipping his coke. Cas opened his mouth wide  and bit down on the thick burger. He chewed it a few times as he let out a sigh of pleasure. Dean smiled and laughed, inhaling some fries.

"This is....this is  _very_ good" Cas smiled, chomping onto the burger a few more times. Suddenly he had finished his burger before Dean had, eyes widened in enlightenment.

Dean laughed as he stared at Cas' cuteness, "and these aren't even  _that_ good." he said as he pointed to his burger, finishing the last bite.

Cas looked up at Dean, smiling, teeth and all, and they finished their meal. Successful first date.

* * *

Dean loved it when Cas smiled. Something about his smile made shivers run a marathon down his spine, made the hairs on the back of his neck and his arms jump instantly. Definitely a feeling a  _woman_ had never given him. And those blue eyes, don't get him started on those. _Mmmmm_ how he loved staring into them. After a great round of sex every other night or so, they'd have a staring contest, Dean's favorite after-sex activity. But only with Cas. Dean was used to waiting for the girl to fall asleep then snuck out. But with Cas, it felt right. He _had_ in fact forgotten about Sam. How could he be so unsupportive? Was it because he has something about his brother being gay? Or was it just because it was  _Cas_? Either way, that wouldn't change his mind about Cas. He loved him, a lot. At first, he had his doubts; he really thought it would be a one or two time thing but the more time he spent with Cas, the more he fell in love with him.

It was 2am and Dean paced the hotel room as Cas slept like an...  _angel_ on the bed. He went through his phone, contemplating whether or not he should call or text Sam. His finger kept on swiping over Sam's contact. He brought the phone to his mouth and closed his eyes. He may have forgotten about Sam for the past few weeks, but he sure as hell missed him. _  
_  


"Everything okay Dean?" asked Cas as he wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and placed his chin on his shoulder, closing his eyes.

"Jeez babe, you scared me. Go back to bed" Dean faked a smile as he bent his head back, letting Cas kiss and bite his neck. 

"I'm not going back to sleep until you come with me" Cas whispered against Dean's neck, still waking up. His mouth made his way up to Dean's ear, nibbling on it carefully as they moaned.

"Cas, babe, not now" he whispered, breathing out of his nose.

But Cas didn't listen. His hands travsered Dean's stomach, one hand making way down to his boxers, feeling his warm, soft cock once and letting go. He teased his cock through  the thin fabric as Dean let out a small whimper. Cas bit down on Dean's shoulder as they made way for the bed, Cas still wrapped around Dean's back. He pushed him down on the bed and stratled him. He sat on Dean's hardening cock as he removed the phone from his hand, placing it on the nightsand. He reached over to turn the light off and began to embrace Dean. Dean's eyes were shut, waiting to see what was in store for him. He  _needed_ this. When they had sex, his mind lost Sam and focused on Cas and Cas only.

Cas made way down to Dean's cock, removing his boxers with help from Dean. He was kneeling on the floor as Dean layed stiff on the bed. He put his nose on the shaft of the cock, the tip resting on Cas' forehead as he kissed it gently and Dean moaned, breathing Cas' name and curse words. He licked up and down the shaft as Dean curled his fingers into the messed up bed sheets.

"Fuck me Cas" Dean groaned as he pushed Cas' face down into his cock.

He slithered his hand over Dean's chest, rubbing his nipple, then his other hand met his other nipple and Cas soon began to crawl back on top of Dean. He carressed him, licking his neck, pecking every inch of his perfect jawline. 

"Come on Cas.." he whispered into his ear, "fuck me baby, please." But Cas continued to tease Dean, hand always making his way down to Dean's cock, then back up to his neck. He gripped onto Dean's cock and stroked it slowly, painfully teasing Dean with every hard pull and tug of the rock-hard cock. From the base, to the very tip of the head, Cas would take his time, enjoying the view and sounds of Dean grunting and whimpering. A mix of coward and man. He rubbed his own cock on top of Dean's, fucking their cocks together, precome erupted from the heads. Cas began to moan and arch his back, letting his head drop, mouth wide open, eyes closed tight, no sounds coming from his mouth. He would hold in his moan till he couldn't any longer and let out a big sigh of pleasure. Dean's nails bit into Cas' ass, splitting the cheeks in two, trying to make entry. Cas stopped him and climbed off of him. 

"Come on Cas, fuck me babe, please. Fuck me long and good" Dean begged.

Cas stood at the edge of the bed, adjusting Dean, lifted his legs and entered slowly as Dean's head drew back, gripping the sheets to the point where he thought he'd rip them for sure. His legs rested on Cas' shoulders as Cas' hands held at Dean's ankles, occasionally kissing his calves after a couple hard thrusts of his hips. He started slow as usual, making a big  _SMACK_ with every stroke and thrust of his hips, stretching Dean, going deeper and deeper till his balls were slapping at the entry. He leaned forward, placing his hands on the side of Dean on the bed. His nose crept on Dean's chin, biting it when he had the chance. The headboard made a hole in the wall but they didn't care. Cas was going so hard, the mattress began to inch its' way off the bed and he could  _see_ the bed rock and shake, let alone hear it squeak. Oh how that sound turned him on. He thrusted faster, purposefully so he could hear the squeaks and cries of the bed and thrusted harder to hear his skin slapping against Dean's, another sound that tickled his nerves. He grunted and sighed, whimpered, whined, and moaned almost in unison. Dean arched his back at almost every thrust of Cas' hips, one hand gripping the heaboard behind him, the other wrapped around Cas' neck. He closed his eyes, clenched his teeth and screamed through his closed mouth. Cas aggressively climbed on the bed, onto his knees, picking Dean's legs up and raising them waist-high, clutching onto Dean's hips, thrusted  _harder and faster_. Dean thought he had gone insane. He yelled out Cas' name, but he didn't pay attention. Cas' hips thrusted so quickly that the headboard gave out and completely broke, but they were too lost to notice. He moved his hands to grasp onto Dean's shoulders, fucking him even  _harder and faster_. Beads of sweat glided across Dean's face, and dripped from cas' forehead. Cas whimpered and shut his eyes tight and dropped his head back, grunting aggressively, then sighing after. Dean was about to burst, as was Cas. He clenched the sheets tighter, the mattress was halfway off the bed frame now, which made Dean and Cas slide down to the side, toward the floor. Cas dropped his face down to Dean's shoulder and bit it gently as he gave a few more rough thrusts and finally pulled out, whimpering, nearly  _crying_ as he came all over Dean's stomach. He jerked it until every last bit of the come was out, and let the remnants drip on Dean. He had came also, making the come on his stomach a larger amount. Cas leaned back, head dropping, and sighed in relief and panted. Dean put his hand to his forehead and rubbed his temples.

"Damn Cas..." Dean sighed, wiping the come from his stomach with the blanket, "what's gotten into you lately?"

"You" he answered, fixing the mattress and grabbing the blanket from the other bed.

"Me?" Dean asked, confused.

Cas stared at Dean long and hard, sighing through his nose he nodded, "yes Dean. You."  
"Why me though?" asked Dean as he propped himself on the pillow. Cas crawled on top of him, stratling him yet again, curling his hands around Dean's neck.

"I just want to please you. You've been so down lately and, I try to give you my best so you can forget about Sam." he admitted, kissing his forehead after, then staring into the emerald greens that Dean called his eyes. Dean smiled and looked down, then back up at Cas who of course hadn't moved an inch.

"Thanks Cas but..." Cas  frowned and looked concered, "but I'm fine baby I promise. I do love doing this every night, I couldn't ask for anyone else to do it with, but just don't worry about me." he smiled as his hands wrapped behind Cas' head and brought him closer, brushing their lips together.

"As long as I'm here Dean, I'm always gonna care about you, and worry about you when I need to. I'm always gonna be here." he whispered onto Dean's lips, sending a a whip of pleasure down Dean's spine.

"Okay baby.." he answered as he closed his eyes and waited for Cas to kiss him, but he didn't.

"I love you Dean" Cas said as  _he_ closed his eyes and waited for Dean to say it back, and a kiss to follow after. He felt Dean smile against his own lips.

"I love you too Castiel" he whispered against his lips and kissed him a long kiss goodnight.

  
_Castiel_. Cas had never heard Dean call him that, but that meant so much more. He slipped off Dean and to the side of him as he wrapped his arms around his chest and they fell asleep together. 

* * *

Hours had passed, it was 10am and they were both still sound asleep. Dean's phone began to ring, but he was too comfortable and deep in sleep to hear it, as was Cas. It kept ringing till it stopped.

Sam. It was Sam.

  
_This is Dean's other other phone_ Sam heard through his cell.

"Listen Dean, I know we left on bad terms but we have a big case here just please.." Sam said as he shut his eyes and rubbed his temple, "please call back as soon as you hear this, it's important...it's an emergency. And _I'm_ in danger"

Dean and Cas were still asleep.


	4. Teach Me, Dean

 

        Dean woke up calmly as he gently removed himself from Cas' tight grip. The sun snuck through the blinds and hit Dean's face which made his eyes glisten. He stretched, trying to make as least noise as possible, he didn't want to wake up Cas. He loved him but he didn't wanna deal with Cas' literal  _angelicness_  at the moment. He wormed into his jeans and made way to his phone that sat on the crummy table. "Sammy called" he whispered, going through a flood of text messages that varied from  _Dean wake up please, I need you._ to  _Dean what the hell I am in **danger** here. Where the hell are you?_   straight to the 25 words that sent chills down his spine:  _I have Sammy. If you want him back, I'm gonna need your pet angel. Meet me at midnight at your old house in Lawrence, Kansas._

Dean tensed up as he stared at Cas, still sleeping. He stared at him long and good, wondering if it was worth it, contemplating whether or not Sam was putting him up to something. At the same time, he was still worried, after all, Sam was still his brother. Oh but he loved Cas. He couldn't imagine ever betraying him in any way; so Dean thought he'd put a little Winchester Twist on this one and thought up a plan. 

"Cas wake up!" Dean shouted as he grabbed any article of clothing in sight and shoved it into his duffle bag. Cas didn't budge. "CAS!" he shouted louder as he hit the end of the bed, barely touching Cas' feet. He woke up instantly, in a sudden jolt. His face was weary and very tired. He squinted his eyes as he searched the room, looking for Dean, still attempting to fully wake up. Dean stopped what he was doing to watch Cas wake up. He found it extremely adorable. The way Cas' hair was all messed up, the way the sun shone on his perfect jawline to emphasize the stubble on his face, his squinted eyes, his perfect collar bones, his not too big biceps, but big enough to turn dean on biceps, he could go on and on. He saw Cas' lips move but didn't quite hear him for he was too focused on Cas' perfect persona, his perfect  _everything_.

"Dean?" Cas asked once again with sleepiness stil in his voice as his blue eyes penetrated Dean's greens.

Dean subtly shook his head and snapped back into reality, "yeah Cas?" he asked back as he set the bag down on the bed.

"Everything alright?" he asked with concern.

Dean exhaled thorugh his nose as he sat in front of Cas, grabbing his hands. How would he tell Cas? How would he tell him that he had been told to give  _him_ up to some stranger in exchange for Sam? Not to mention the last memory of Sam and Dean was a few weeks ago, and they were fighting. But that's the thing, he didn't  _have_ to tell Cas because even though he didn't have a plan set-in-stone yet, he would just tell him that they had to go, and he'd think of something on the way.

"Dean?" cas asked, waving his hand in front of Dean's face, trying to lure him back to reality, "Are you sure you're alright babe?"  _Babe._ Cas had called him babe, how cute. A swarm of butterflies started up in Dean's stomach at the sound of that. It was great how he was catching on to human interactions and human terminology. Just another thing Dean could put on the  _Reasons To Love Cas_ list. 

"Oh yeah..um what was I gonna say?" asked Dean as he again, got lost in the blueness of Cas' eyes.

"I don't know, you keep wandering off into places I don't know of, you just stare distant from me. Tell me what's the matter." he replied, rubbing Dean's bare chest as he worriedly looked stared at Dean.

  
_Don't slip away again. Don't slip away Dean._ he told himself. He was afraid if he stared at Cas again, he'd lose himself, so he decided to stare down at the sheets, holding Cas' hand in his, almost losing himself in that too. 

"It's Sam," he mumbled, "someone has him, I don't know who but I guess he called last night while we were..."

"fucking" Cas added, nonchalantly, tilting his head to the side as he stared up at Dean, eyes telling him to go on with his story. Dean smirked, fuck how he loved this guy.

He nodded, "yeah Cas..." he chuckled, "but someone has him and they said if I want him back that I...I have to.."

"You have to what, Dean?" asked Cas, leaning in closer to Dean.

Dean looked Cas straight in the eye and told him," I have to hand you over to whoever wants you to get Sammy back."

Cas squinted his eyes and looked down. Dean thought he'd explode with anger but ironically, he laughed, "you can't be serious..you're actually gonna give  _me_ up?"

Dean cocked his head slightly as he responded, confused, "that's the thing...I'm  _not_ gonna hand you over. I'm gonna trick them."

Cas grew in solemnity and asked, "and just  _how_ are you gonna do  _that?"_  

Dean stared at him and smirked, "I'll think about it!" he laughed and threw his hands in the air.

"I'm sorry Dean" Cas said as he turned away and let go of Dean's hand.

"For?" Dean asked.

"If it weren't for me in the picture, you'd still have Sam, and you wouldn't have to be put through this" he answered as he layed down, pillow covering his face. Cas was embarrassed.

"Oh Cas.." Dean layed next to him, removing the pillow from his face," baby it's not your fault. Sam is just...sensitive and high maintenance" he said, slipping his arm around Cas.

"That's not the point, Dean. I don't amount to your brother" he answered, staring at Dean with weary eyes.

"Cas, Cas, Cas" Dean rolled his eyes as he brought Cas' forehead to his own, "I love you both the same."

Cas half smiled as he toyed with the necklace that lazily hung from Dean's neck, "you do?"

Dean smiled, "yes baby."

Cas smiled back as their smiling mouths pressed together which soon turned into a kiss. Cas crawled on top of Dean as he began to whimper as their cocks rubbed together through Dean's jeans and Cas' briefs. He could feel himself hardening as Dean scratched at Cas' back, violently turning him over and thrusting his hips forward, as if he were fucking Cas through his clothes. He began to nibble on Cas' collar bones as Cas whimpered some more. _Stop Dean. You need to leave soon. You only have until midnight. Stop Dean. Don't let yourself get caught in this now._ All these thoughts ran through his head as he began the foreplay, Cas' briefs already down to his knees. Dean pushed Cas away gently and said: "I'm sorry Cas, I can't right now."  
  
Cas sighed and begged, sensually touching Dean and repeating the words "I need you inside me Dean" in several variations. Dean refused, he really wanted to fuck Cas' brains out, but he couldn't. This was for Sammy's sake.  
  
"Cas, babe I really want to, but we can't. We don't have the time, please I promise you when this is all done, we can have each other all night one night, okay? Cas frowned and made an unintentional pouty face that made Dean tense up because he was just too damn cute. Dean bit his tongue and walked over to his duffle to continue packing.  
  
"Well, I'm gonna take a shower then" Cas added as he walked over to the restroom. He took one last, longing stare at Dean as he packed more clothes into the duffle, then concealed himself in the restroom.  
  
Dean didn't know Cas took showers. He chuckled at the thought of it. Did he even know how? Perhaps he should teach him? No. Dean thought as he shook his head and continued to pack but he heard a big _THUD_ come from the bathroom. He rolled his eyes because he knew Cas probably fell or something, hell, it was probably even his first shower. He probably only said he was gonna take a shower so he can jerk himself off without Dean having to watch and not instigate temptation. Dean knocked on the door. "Cas? You okay?" he asked as he put his ear to the door.  
  
"De-ean" Cas groaned in what sounded like pain. Dean didn't hesitate to rush through the door to see what had happened. There was a small puddle of blood on the floor, Cas curled up in a ball next to the tub, holding his arm.  
  
"Jesus Cas, what happened in here? You were only in here a few minutes, and you haven't even gotten in the shower yet."  
  
"I..fell and sliced my arm on the towel rack" he answered, embarrassingly.  
  
Dean smirked and asked him if he was okay.  
  
"Yeah, I just wish this blood wasn't here" he noted as he picked himself up. There was no wound. Dean was confused but then he remembered it was Cas. He was an angel who could friggin heal wounds with the touch of his stubby hands. Dean got a dirty towel and wiped the blood from the floor and kissed Cas on the forehead.  
  
"There ya go baby" he smiled as Cas smiled a toothy grin back at Dean. Before Dean had the chance to step out, he was lured into a trance by Cas' magnificent physique. He'd seen Cas naked, touched him, been  _inside_ of him, but never actually stared at him in the nude. Boy was it a sight to see. A towel wrapped around his waist almost too perfectly, just loose at his discrete V-line, not hairy, which Dean liked very much, but Cas was perfect. Without thinking, Dean let out a sigh that actually formed to say "Damn."  
  
"What?" asked Cas as he waved his hands in front of Dean's face.  
  
Dean shook his head quickly. "Oh..nothing."  
  
"Well I was wondering....could you teach me how to shower?" asked Cas nonchalantly.  
  
"Uhh..." Dean wondered, but he realized he'd already had sex with him, so it wouldn't be too weird to show him how to take a shower, after all, he loved when Cas wanted to do human things, "sure Cas" he smiled as Cas smiled back and stepped in the shower. Dean stood off to the side of the shower as Cas closed the curtain enough to where Dean could still poke his head in and make his arms through too.  
  
"How do I make the water come out of that thing" asked Cas. Dean just laughed because was really too adorable and almost, no, not almost, _everything_   that came out of his mouth made Dean smile or laugh. It was like taking care of little Sammy all over again. Dean pointed to the knobs that had a "C for cold" as Dean explained, and an "H for Hot."  
  
"I'm not very fond of cold tempuratures and I don't mean well in hot tempuratures either Dean." Cas answered. Again, Dean laughed as held his stomach for some air.  
  
"You're too damn cute Cas" he smiled as he adjusted the water to a luke-warm tempurature. It was adorable how Cas had rushed to the corner of the tub where the water didn't hit so he wasn't drenched in it just yet.  
  
"There, put your hand out, feel it." Dean told him, waiting for Cas' next joke. Cas slowly let his hand out the running water. It was as if he'd never touched water before. But once he felt it, he relaxed his body and let himself into it. Dean smiled foolishly.  
  
Cas stood under the running water, head tucked down, hands glued to his sides, standing awkwardly.  
  
"Cas, relax! It's just water" Dean laughed as he splashed some water into Cas' face. Cas opened his mouth, shocked as he started to laugh and splashed some back at Dean. They spend a good 30 seconds or so splashing each other until Cas stopped and began to stare at Dean. Dean rolled his eyes, "What now Cas?"  
  
"Dean, please join me." Cas asked as he held out his hand. Dean looked at it, he was too tempted to get in with him, really, he was, but he knew if he got in, he'd bang Cas like there was no tomorrow, and he didn't have time for that.  
  
"Cas..I can't" Dean told him, emphasizing with hand gestures.  
  
Cas frowned and unintentionally gave him the puppy eyes. _God dammit Cas. The puppy eyes?_ That was Dean's weakness. He bit his tongue again and shook his head in denial. Suddenly, Cas fell to the ground and held his head.  
  
"Jesus! Cas!" Dean shouted as he hopped in the shower, pants on still. "You okay?" he asked as he saw Cas let out  a smile.  
 "What?" Dean whispered.  
  
"You're stuck in here now Dean." Cas smiled as he straddled him and began to kiss him everywhere.  
  
"Dammit Cas" Dean tilted his head back with his eyes closed, not wanting to smile, but he couldn't help it, it was Cas. He put his hands on the back of Cas' head and pushed his head into his skin as Cas made his way down to where his cock would be in his jeans. He nibbled on the wet jeans as he undid Dean's belt quickly and pulled his pants down, briefs coming off next. He threw them on the floor outside of the shower. The water flowed and ran down their skin, making it more hot and lustful.

"Cas.." Dean whispered loud enough to be heard over the sound of the water. Cas dug his face into Dean's cock and took as much of it as he could. Dean shouted loudly. He knew nobody could hear them over the sound of the water. Oh how Cas loved the sound of Dean's echoed moans in the shower. He jerked him off, then soon started fucking him.

"I'll make you okay Dean" Cas grunted as he bent Dean over on his knees, thrusting into him harder, letting the water hit his face and Dean's back. They slipped and slid in the tub from the water beneath their knees. Every thrust, there was a squeak of their knees rubbing against the wet tub floor, skins slapping. Cas held onto Dean's shoulders to let him get deeper inside of him. Cas whimpered and moaned, ready to come at any moment. He began to fade with his thrusts, growing shorter and slower each time. Dean arched his back, heat running through his body as he orgasmed with Cas, moaning, accidentally swallowing water that streamed down their hair and into their mouth. Cas pulled out and jerked as fast as he could as did Dean. They came together except Cas came on Dean's damp lower back, rubbing the tip for any excess come, then he rested his nose at the top of Dean's back, kissing the skin beneath him, rubbing Dean's sides as he waited for Dean to finish himself. They stayed in the same position for a few minutes, kissing, touching, breathing together until Cas stood up and helped Dean up. Cas pushed him against the wall and kissed him gently, lips slowly and smoothly meeting. Their plump lips stuck to each other. Cas loved the way Dean's cold lips felt against his own warm lips. Cas bit down on Dean's lower lip for a few seconds then let go, Dean returning the favor. And Dean loved the way Cas began to take control of everything. He loved the way he threw him on his knees in the shower, the way he fucked him, the way he pushed him against the wall, the way he kissed him, he loved everything about Cas, everything he did pleased Dean. Cas lowered his lips to Dean's jawline, then down to his neck, pecking it ever-so-gently as Dean grabbed Cas' ass with both hands, squeezing both cheeks. Damn how he _loved_ Cas' ass. Inside and out. Soon their kisses faded into rough brushes of their noses and soon stopped till their foreheads rested on one anothers', the lukewarm water turned cold but Cas didn't seem to notice, he was too busy being with Dean.

"I-I love you okay Dean" Cas muttered into his chest as Dean placed his chin on top of Cas' head. He closed his eyes and ran his fingers through Cas' hair, other arm hugging his waist.

"I love you too baby" he whispered into his ear, gently biting his lobe. Cas looked up, puppy eyes torturing Dean, with a toothy grin to top it off. "Now how about that shower you sneaky bastard?" he laughed as he turned Cas around slowly. He reached down to grab the complimentary, probably 99¢, shampoo courtesy of the cruddy Super 8 Motel.

"What's this?" asked Cas, smiling, observing the bottle.  


"Shampoo" he answered as he squirted some onto his own hand.  


"Shhh aaaa mmm poooo" Cas repeated as if Dean had just taught him a lick of gibberish. Of course Dean laughed at Cas' oblivious jokes.  


"So you angels don't clean yourselves up there in heaven?" asked Dean as he began to lather Cas' hair with the cheap shampoo, his hair turning white from the suds. He thought it was adorable.  


"We don't need to, we're angels" Cas answered, sternly, flinching at every stroke Dean added in his hair, like a little boy being forced to take a shower. Cas grabbed the shampoo and repeated Dean's ways, lathering Dean's hair in soap.  


"Is this what you do with Sam?" asked Cas, instantly regretting it, remembering how touchy of a subject he was at the moment.  


"When he was little, yes, but now, no. That..that would be incest" he chuckled as he pretended to be a stylist and rendered Cas' hair in mohawks and pompadours, to Wolverine-style hair. He laughed and Cas laughed too, not sure what he was laughing at, but Dean was laughing, so why not join?  


"Alright, ready to get out of the shower now" Cas smiled confidently.  


Dean grinned and shook his head. "No Cas, you gotta rinse the shampoo outta your hair" he told him as he demonstrated. He let Cas do it on his own. It was funny because he looked awkward, like a savage who didn't know the first thing about showering, which was kind of ironic because he actually _didn't_ know a thing about showering. But soon Cas caught on. Dean let Cas condition his own hair as well as his. He was pretty good. Every now and then he'd splash water in Dean's face and they'd mess with each other's hair, occasionally kissing each other's noses. After they washed each other, Dean helped Cas wrap the towel around himself again. Before they exited the restroom, Cas pinned Dean against the wall and kissed him like he's never been kissed before, and by that, he kissed him _romantically_. The type of kiss a bride and groom gave each other on their wedding day. Dean smiled, staring at Cas for a few moments, and they changed out in the room together. That, Cas knew how to do from the previous times he had removed his clothing from having sex with Dean.  


"Jeez Cas, your hair is a mess" Dean told him as he walked over to him, bringing him to a mirror, "now if I'm gonna be out in public with you, you've gotta clean up well" he said jokingly, Cas, as usual, not getting the joke and looking around the room, saying, "but the room is clean."  


"Nevermind that Cas," Dean rolled his eyes and fixed Cas' hair the best he could, showing him to the mirror. It was one of the first times Cas had ever really looked at himself intentionally. He smiled and nodded his head as he turned to finish packing Dean's bag.  


"You ready babe?" he asked Dean, carrying his bag. Dean nodded as they walked out the door.

* * *

Dean loaded up the car as Cas waited for him in the front seat.  


"Hey Cas," Dean said as he climbed into the driver's seat.  


"Yes?"  


"Just remember, I have a plan, or...I'll have one by the time we get to Lawrence, m'kay? So please don't question me, or I'll get nervous and I'll start freaking out and overthin-" he was interrupted by Cas' lips on his and a tongue down his throat for a good minute or two.  


"Don't worry, I know you've got this..you always do" Cas smiled, teeth and all, and took his hand, the other hand motioning for him to start the car. Dean half smiled as he stared at Cas. _I fucking love this guy you know that?_ he said in his head as backed out of the parking lot.  


They headed for Lawrence, Kansas, an 8 hour trip with Cas. They had till midnight, it was 2 pm. _Just enough time_ , Dean _thought_.  



	5. I'm Really Sorry

"Sammy! Sammy wake up!" Dean whispered loudly as he untied Sam's arms and legs from a sturdy bed. "C'mon Sammy, please wake up." 

Dean scoped the room, looking for any traces of another person. He realized the room looked extremely familiar. The ceiling was a crisp black, the walls were dusty, crisped to a burn too. Then it hit him, _this is Sammy's old room_. They were in their old house, from when their mom was alive.

"De-ean..Dean! Oh thank God you're here, please..please forgive me for how I left you, it was such a bitch move Dean I am so sorry, I fully support you and Cas together please don't hate me I thought I could take down this war on my own but I couldn't I'm sorry Dean please forgi-" but Sam was hushed by Dean's embrace. They hugged tight. Dean missed Sam's scent, his hair, he missed his brother.

"I got you Sammy, and no matter what, I'm always gonna forgive you" Dean whispered in his ear as he held Sam's head. Sam smiled wearily as he gestured to Cas, who stood cross-armed in a corner.

"C-as" Sam mumbled, fatigued.

"Sam" Cas nodded as he turned to face the wall.

"What's his problem?" asked Sam as he freed himself from the tight ropes.

"You don't know?" asked Dean, surprised.

"No? Know what?" asked Sam.

"We got a text from someone, don't know who, saying to meet him here by midnight, and if I wanted you back, I had to give Cas over." Sam sighed and shook his head.

"It's Crowley" Sam nodded, nostrils flared.

"Who?" asked Dean.

"Crowley, King of the Crossroads, now King of Hell" he replied.

"What does Crowley want with me?" asked Cas as he walked toward the brothers.

"Says he just _needs_ you" Sam told him.  
 Cas glared at Dean, jaw clenched, he was nearly ready to fight his own lover, "I told you this was a bad idea, Dean."  
"Cas I told you, I had a plan" Dean assured him. Suddenly, they heard footsteps walking down the hallway. Their eyes widened in instant fear.

"That's him" whispered Sam.

"And what would your plan be now?" Cas whispered, not too loudly.

Dean stared at Cas for a few momets, as if he was _just_ thinking up a plan, "RUN" he whispered loudly.   
"Not soo faaast" a deep, English accent echoed throughout the empty room as a plump, mid-aged man emerged through the door. They stepped back a few steps as Cas grabbed Dean's hand. He could feel the fear in Cas' grip. He always thought Cas wasn't afraid of anything, but turns out he is afraid of something, this asshole Crowley. He hated Crowley instantly. Not just for torturing his little brother, but for scaring Cas, making him feel so scared enough to grab his hand and squeeze it as if he was his only comfort.

"Relax" Crowley chuckled as he threw his hands in his pocket. He wasn't fat, but he wasn't skinny, he was in between, he wasn't completely bald, but you could tell he was going bald, he had a black and gray beard, a nicely groomed one at that, an all black suit with a red tie. 

"Look, it's the Winchester's and their little pet Angel, Castiel" he said as he walked towards Cas. Dean felt him squeeze it tighter as he made his way into Dean's arms, slowly.

"Aw. What's the matter Cassie?" he laughed.

"It's okay Cas', I got you. Remember, I've got you" Dean whispered into Cas' head as he kissed it subtly.

"Oh I see" Crowley laughed as he came to a halt, inches away from them, "little Cas has fallen in love, and, with a man nonetheless, even worse, with a _Winchester_ " he said, sounding repulsed that he had to spew their name out of his mouth.

"Listen you sonofabitch, you're not hurting Cas, and you're not gonna hurt my brother anymore, you're gonna let us go" Dean exclaimed in his face, holding Cas close.

"Hurt Cas? Why..I'd _never_ hurt Cas" he smiled menacingly as he paced to Sam, playing with a strand of his hair, then proceeded to the end of the room, "I just need to ask a couple of questions."

"Questions my ass!" Dean shouted as he drew the demon knife from his jacket pocket.

Crowley threw his hands up in mockery, "easy now Dean-ie," he smiled as he placed his hands back in his pockets, "I'm not the bad guy here."

"My ass you're not! You're the one who hurt Sam and got him here in the first place" Dean scoffed.

"Me? Why..I'd never do such a thing. Don't you understand, I _want_ this to be over. This whole angels vs. demons thing is rubbish. Lucifer....he's supposed to be here at midnight, he was going to take Sam's vessel." Dean's eyes widened, "so..so you're here to let us _go?_ " he asked.

Crowley raised his eyebrows, "of course" he smiled. Dean's face relaxed as he looked at Sam optimisticly, "after a few questions with Cas." Dean's face went back to the tense and _you better not hurt my boyfriend_ look.

"Okay. Ask him. Right here" Dean said as he let Cas go but held on to a flap of his trenchcoat. Cas looked at Dean, fear in his eyes. Dean nodded at him.

"Ah ah ah" Crowley motioned his finger side to side, " _alone"_ he smiled, evily as he motioned his hand toward the door.

"I swear if you hurt him I'm gonna kill you" Dean scolded him , unwillingly let go of Cas.

Cas and Crowley walked out into the hallway together, Cas looking back at Dean in the room as he strayed further down the hall.

"So Cas" Crowley began, "tell me what you know about purgatory."

Cas glared down at him, after all, Cas stood taller than Crowley. "I do not know of purgatory" he replied, looking away. 

Crowley, reading his bluff easily, "tell me the truth, or I'll just have to kill you" he told him quietly as he revealed an angel dagger from his suit. Cas' eyes widened as he stepped back. "Where did you get that?" he asked, scared.

 Crowley smiled like a steretypical villain, he had Cas right where he wanted him, "you know, around."

"I'm telling you I don't know _anything_ about purgatory" Cas answered sternly. Crowley raised the dagger up high as he gripped Cas' trenchcoat.

"Tell me, now. This is your last chance" he exclaimed in a whisper.

Cas had no choice, he didn't wanna die but he also didn't want to reveal the secrets of purgatory. "Okay, I will." Cas answered as he put his hands in front of his face.

"Excellent" Crowley smiled, lowering the dagger.

"Purgatory, not heaver nor hell...but in between...thousands, millions of souls are trapped there. There's no way out. And that's all I know" he answered, hoping Crowley would believe him this time.

"And how, how do I get these souls Cas? How do I get _in_ " he asked.

"I don't know" he replied.

"Castiel, I know that _you_ know" he answered as he grabbed onto Cas' coatsleeve. 

"I don't! I don't know!" Cas shouted, staring into Crowley's eyes, sternly.

"What's going on over there?" Dean shouted, running down to them.

"Don't you dare step another foot or your pet is angel dust" Crowley threatened as he held Cas hostage, knife brushing his neck.

"Whoa whoa...don't you dare do anything you bastard" Dean exclaimed as he halted, slowly moving towards them. Crowley walked backwards too, making sure Cas couldn't leave his grip.

Cas closed his eyes in fear as Dean watched him tremble in the hands of Crowley.

"WATCH OUT!" Sam yelled, charging for Crowley, catching him off guard. He dug the demon knife into Crowley's chest as his body lit up, letting out shrieks mixed of curses and short breaths. The angel dagger fell to the ground as Cas was released. Sam held Crowley as his body fell, dying in his hands. Cas ran to Dean, gripping  him tight and squeezed his body. Dean held Cas' head and put it to his chest, rubbing him, trying to relax him. 

"Dean...." Cas sighed as he breathed rapidly, clutching Dean's shirt.

"I got you Cas, you know I got, I _always_ got you" he whispered soothingly into Cas' ear. That made him calm down a bit. Dean ended it with a long kiss on his forehead.

"Dean, it's 11:45" Sam told him. He nodded as they gathered what they needed and headed for the Impala, aware of their surroundings. Sam took it upon himself to to sit in the backseat because Cas had already made himself at home in the passenger seat. Dean started the car quickly and nervously and he rode off in an unfamiliar direction.

"Where will we go?" asked Cas.

"I don't know Cas, we just, we need to get out of Kansas" Dean implied as he kept looking back at Sam, making sure he was there even though he knew he was. "You okay Sammy?" he asked at least 10 times in the first hour. "Yes Dean, I'm fine" he'd answer back, flattered, but annoyed.

"So Cas...what was it that Crowley wanted?" Sam asked.

"Huh?" Cas replied, apparently he had fallen asleep. Sam wasn't familiar with Cas' adaptations to human interactions and activities just yet.

"Crow-ley, Cas..what did Crowley ask you?" he asked again.

"He asked me about purgatory and...yeah..." he answered, drifting back to sleep as his head plopped against the window. Dean smiled at him subtly.

"Just give him some time, he's tired, and he sleeps now" Dean added.  


* * *

A couple hours passed of short talk and quietness.

"So Dean.."

"So Sam.."

"I..I'm sorry. I reall-"

"No need for apologies Sammy, I shouldn't hide secrets from you anymore"

"Well it's definitely not a secret anymore" Sam laughed as he looked at Cas, "what happened to him anyway? He's..he's not the same, what'd you do to him?"

"Me? Oh I didn't do anything. We just...spent a lot of time together, hunting, playing FBI, the family business, but with Cas" Dean explained.

"That's it?" Sam laughed, knowing Dean was leaving the biggest part out of it: _the sex and romance._ Sam laughed at the thought of it, no longer disgusted.

"Ye-eaah" Dean answered in a higher pitch, trying to hide his bluff, but Sam knew him too well and they laughed together.

"Well I'm happy for you Dean" Sam nodded and smiled, fixing his hair behind his ears.

"And you? What have you been doing?" asked Dean, looking back at him quickly.

"I actually met someone" Sam smiled, smiling out the window with nostalgia.

"Really?" Dean laughed, "was she hot?"

Sam laughed as he made his bitch face. 

"Well, was she?" asked Dean again.

Sam coughed and had let out a "he."

"He?" Dean cackled, "well you _are_ my brother that's for sure." he laughed.

"Yeah" Sam smiled silently.

"What happened to him?" 

"He left..." Sam sighed, "he left me."

"I'm so sorry Sammy" Dean apologized as he yawned.

"No..don't worry about it." Sam shook his head, trying to change the subject, "it was for a good reason. But are you getting tired Dean? Should I drive?"

Dean laughed jokingly, "no way Sammy. You've gotta get some sleep too."

They pulled up to a motel just outside of Kansas, a small town in Oklahoma.

"Cas, wake up" Dean nudged him playfully as he woke up slowly. And there Dean went, lost in an abyss of Cas' cuteness. The way he yawned and stretched his arms over his head, his squinted eyes, and oh that sexy and seducing sleepy voice of his.

"Dean?" Cas asked again because of course he didn't hear him the first time.

"Yes Cas?" Dean shook his head quickly.

"Where are we?" he asked, sleepiness still in his voice. It sent chills down Deans' back.

"Buttfuck, Oklahoma" he smiled, patting Cas' shoulder.

"Buttfuck.." Cas whispered to himself, trying to figure out what that meant, "isn't that what we-"

"ahhh daa daat" Dean shushed him, putting his hands over his mouth as Sam made a disgusted, yet playful face.

"Gross" Sam laughed. "I'll be getting my _own_ room" he added as he headed for the front office.

Dean smiled at Cas as he removed his hands from his mouth. 

"What was that for?" Cas asked, grabbing Dean's hand.

Dean smiled again as grabbed Cas' other hand, "just don't make sexual comments around Sammy okay, please?"

Cas nodded and smiled his toothy grin. Dean lost it and leaned in to kiss him roughly. Cas kissed back, sticking his tongue down Dean's throat as if he were ready to fuck him right there in the parking lot.

"Not...now..baby" Dean grunted in between kisses.

"Hey lovebirds!" Sam shouted, waving the motel card keys in front of his face.

The two laughed as they headed to Sam and their room.

"D'you get your own room?" Dean asked, hopefully.

Sam laughed, "yeah Dean, I did. And it's right next to yours, I'm praying the beds aren't back to back through the walls" he said. They all laughed, Cas of course not knowing what he was laughing at, but laughed anyway because Dean was laughing.

"Well goodnight Sammy" Dean said as he hugged him quickly, "say, breakfast or lunch tomorrow depending on when we're up? I spotted a diner down the road."

"Yeah, sounds good" Sam agreed and stepped into his room. Cas put his arms around Dean's waist as Dean tried opening the door.

"Babe" Dean smiled as he pushed the door open. As soon as they stepped in, Cas was all over him. He removed his coat, throwing it right next to the door as it slammed shut. Dean didn't necessarily want this at this time, ( _it was 3am)_ , but hell, it was Cas for fucks sake. 

Cas violently pulled Dean's three layers of jackets and shirt off, toying with his belt as they walked over to the bed, feeling around them as they couldn't really see. Once they hit the bed, Dean fell on his back, Cas straddling him. Dean undid Cas' tie and unbuttoned his shirt. _Dammit Cas why do you have to be in this damn suit all the time._ He thought as he struggled to finish unbuttoning his shirt. Cas seemed angry and ripped his shirt off. Dean saw his biceps flex as he had ripped it off and it sent a rush of heat down his torso, making him hard instantly. Cas pulled Dean's pants down roughly and nuzzled at his cock through the thin fabric of the briefs. Dean pulled Cas' hair, played with it, and brushed his fingers through it as Cas bit the elastic band of Dean's briefs, bringing them down and revealing his hardened cock. He dove his face in it, licked it, sucked it, inhaled it. Cas gagged as Dean pulled his hair to take him off his dick. He grunted, not too loudly because he knew Sam was next door.

"Dean, fuck me" Cas whispered as he lay flat on Dean's chest, biting his shoulder and collar bones.

"Yeah baby, I'll fuck you good" Dean answered, panting as he turned Cas around, his head at the top of the bed. Cas grabbed the headboard, the other hand clutching the sheets. Dean teased him, fingering his hole, rubbing it, jerking him off, and kissing him everywhere.

"Dean please" Cas whimpered.

"Relax baby" Dean told him as he took Cas' cock down as far as he could. Cas moaned and squeezed his eyes. 

"Dean, fuck, please, I need you inside me" he groaned. That turned him on so much, when Cas begged.

"You what baby? What do you want?" he asked purposefully, just to revel in Cas' begging voice, it was so naughty.

"You, I want you to fuck me, please ba-abe" he begged again. Dean had planned on asking several more times but he just wanted to fuck Cas' brains out already.

He got in smoothly, there was nothing really left to strecth, they'd done this so many times, it didn't hurt Cas anymore. He moaned instantly, revelled in the sound of their skin smashing, the sound of the headboard hitting the wall, just as it used to in the other motels. How many headboards had they broken? Too many to count.

Dean raised Cas' legs to rest on his shoulders, kissing the inside part of his calves, nibbling on them which made Cas arch his back. He thrusted and pounded Cas for a while until Dean got bored.

"Let's try something new Cas" Dean said silently as he slowed his thrusts down. Cas nodded, too exhausted to speak. Dean layed down where Cas had been. 

"Sit and enjoy the ride" Dean smiled, motioning to his raised cock, as if it had Cas' name written all over it. He obeyed and let him in again, he sat, facing down, but looking down at Dean. This was a new feeling to Cas, it felt different and he wasn't too sure he liked it, but after minutes passed, he took control. He was in fact enjoying the ride. Dean's chest moved, like the waves of an ocean, in and out, uniform. Cas got tired of bouncing and Dean fucked Cas, thrusting his hips upwards. Cas squealed and fell on top of Dean, nose at his shoulder, opening his mouth on his skin, nothing coming out. He raised himself when he calmed down, grabbing onto the headboard which made him lean forward enough to where Dean could kiss and lick Cas' mid stomach. The headboard rocked back and forth, bed squeaking louder than any of the other motel beds had, it made Cas go nuts. He dropped one hand down to his cock and began to jerk it. Dean slapped his hand away and told him no, as an owner would tell a dog or a parent would tell their toddler. Cas whimpered and found himself jerking it anyway. Dean refused to try and make Cas stop again. He felt himself ready to come at any moment too, so he pushed Cas upwards, releasing his cock as he rubbed himself roughly. Cas was still bent over Dean, one hand still on the headboard which seemed awfully loose. Grunts and moans and whimpers flooded the room, they were both sure Sammy heard everything, but they didn't care at the moment. 

Cas came first, most of it getting on Dean's face, the rest on his chest as Cas panted and moaned louder and more roughly. Dean squeezed his eyes as he came on his own stomach. His face was warm as Cas began to clean it off with the blanket. Some of it had gotten in Dean's mouth and he had swallowed it unwillingly. Cas cleaned Dean's stomach for him and he let him finish.

"Good God Cas" Dean sighed as he brought himself up.

"God _is_ good" Cas smiled, kissing his forehead. Dean laughed and fell back down on the pillow, Cas following suit. He scooted close to Dean and rested his head on his chest, wrapping his arm around him. Dean reached over to turn out the lights. He rubbed Cas' arm which was warm as he pulled the covers over Cas some more. 

"I love you baby" Dean whispered into Cas' head as he pecked it gently. 

"Mhmm, love you too babe.."Cas whispered back sleepily. Dean wanted to let Cas fall back asleep, he did, but he wanted to stay up all night, kissing and cuddling, and watching Star Wars all night, but he knew he was tired, and he left it at that.

"Babe.." Cas whispered.

"Yeah Cas?" he asked, brushing his hair softly.

"Thank you for saving me and..taking care of me" he added and he fell asleep right after that.

Dean took a moment to answer, "like I said Cas, I'm always gonna be there for you, _I got you_." 

It was 3:43 am.


	6. This May Be Our Last Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if there are typos, had to finish this in a hurry! will fix them when I write ch. 7

 

 

 

The moon shone bright through the motel room window as it was 4am and still dark as night outside. Cas woke up to footsteps by their door. He turned to face the door as Dean's arm followed Cas' move in his sleep, as if they were attatched. He stared at the door, eyes often moving to the curtains that barely blocked the moonlight. He began to breathe heavier as he grew scared of what was outside. Turning to Dean, he grabbed onto his hand and held it tight.

"Dean" he whispered. Dean didn't move an inch. "Dean" he whispered louder as he shook his shoulder. Dean let out a loud mumble but Cas covered his mouth before he could finish. "Shhh" he whispered again as he slowly removed his hands.

"What's up Cas? Round two?" Dean smiled as he pulled Cas closer to his bare chest.

"No Dean, now is not the time for intercourse" he replied in a low tone.

Dean rolled his eyes as if he were going to fall back asleep, "then what is it Cas?" he asked, eyes closed, rubbing Cas' side gently as his other hand played with Cas' hair.

"You don't hear that?" Cas asked as he tried to make everything go silent.

"Hear what?" asked Dean, setting his ears so he could hear better.

"Just listen" Cas said as he turned his head and looked from the door to the curtains. Dean heard the footsteps, as if whoever it was, was pacing in front of Sam's room. Dean looked confused and scared at the same time. He got up slowly but Cas held onto him.

"No don't go, just wait here till it's gone" he pleaded.

"No Cas, I need to see if it's someone...like a demon or ya know...Lucifer" Dean shrugged sarcastically, letting go of cas and walking to the door. He silently checked the out the window, but it was too dark to see, so he nervously opened the door, giving Cas a glance, he looked scared and concerned. Dean nodded as he poked his head out. In front of Sam's door stood a tall man with dirty blond hair, blue eyes almost as blue as Cas'. He wore dirty jeans that were ripping at the bottom, boots, a dirty, green shirt, and a blue button down.

"Can I help you?" Dean asked as Cas soon came close to his side, wrapping his trembling arms around Dean's waist. "Cas go back to bed" he whispered quiet enough so only Cas could hear, but he didn't listen.

"Sorry, I'm looking for room 666" the man smirked as he shoved his hands in his pocket, lifted his chin up, and walked towards Dean.

Dean smirked, "it's _upstairs_ " he answered angrily.

"Oh, pardon me" the man smiled, walking under a light where Dean could see him clearly. He noticed his skin was peeling, and he had a darker skin tone that circled around his eyes, "i'll be heading up there now."

Dean glared at him as he walked past their door, and up the stairs to the next level of motel rooms.

"Name's Nick by the way" the man shouted, disappearing up the stairs, but Dean didn't bother saying his name back.

"Do you know him?" Cas asked, a hint of jealousy smothered in his tone.

"No, and something seemed fishy about him" Dean remarked as he sat down on the bed.

"Fish-" Cas was about to ask, but Dean interrupted him, changing his words to "wierd Cas, he seemed wierd." Cas nodded, understanding completely now.

They layed down, Dean opening up his arms for Cas to fit perfectly in them. He pressed his lips on Dean's chest as he moved his hands down to Dean's lower back, sneaking one hand under the elastic of his briefs. Dean kissed the top of Cas' head and whispered "I Love You Cas" and they fell back asleep for a while.

* * *

The next morning they were awakened but this time by Sam who was knocking, ready to go at the door. Cas answered, standing in his briefs and rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Hey Sam" he muttered in a raspy, sleepy voice.

"He-ey Cas.." Sam looked up and down at Cas, making his bitchface, "can I come in?" he asked.

"Yeah, uh, Dean is still asleep" he answered, still trying to wake up.

"It's alright, I'll wake him up" Sam smiled as he jumped on the bed next to Dean, Dean waking up loudly and falling off the bed. Cas and Sam laughed, Cas walking over to help Dean up.

"Jesus Cas" Dean shouted as he held the back of his head.

"It wasn't me!" Cas laughed, pointing at Sam who layed on the bed, smiling.

"Morning bitch" Dean smiled as he threw his clothes on, telling Cas to get dressed too.

"Morning  jerk" Sam smiled.

"Why are you guys calling each oth-" Cas was about to ask but Dean's penetrating stare made him stop asking.

"Cas is a bit...slow" Dean told Sam and he laughed back at it, "like a little baby" Dean joked.

Cas stared at Dean for a few moments before looking away, offended.

"Oh babe you know I'm joking" he told Cas, walking to him and wrapping his arms around his waist, kissing his neck and then his cheek softly.

"Ahem" Sam scoffed uncomfortably.

"Sorry" Dean smiled.

"Yeah, now can we go get some breakfast?" Sam asked, holding his stomach in hunger.

"Sure, you hungry babe?" Dean asked Cas, grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

They walked out to the Impala, Dean and Cas hand-in-hand, Sam with his hands in his pockets, the breeze flowing through his golden hair.

"Dean why is there a big hole of water in the ground, and why are there people in it?" asked Cas, pointing to the gated area with some country-looking people around it.

"That.." Dean laughed, "that's a pool Cas. You swim in there when you're feeling hot, it's like a big bath, but with no soap" he said, "or if you want some one-on-one action" he leaned in to whisper that in Cas' ear, winking at him after.

Cas smiled, not sure what Dean meant by that but the sound of Dean's voice in his ear made his heart melt.

"Can we swim?" asked Cas.

"No way Cas" Dean answered. Cas frowned and followed along.

Sam sat in the backseat of the Impala, waiting for Cas and Dean.  
 Before Cas had the chance to sit in the car, Dean stopped him and looked over at Sam to make sure he wasn't looking, which he wasn't.

"What Dean?" Cas asked in a whisper.

"Maybe tonight I can take you for a late-night swim" he whispered in Cas' ear, holding the back of his head whilst feeling him up with his free hand. Cas grunted when Dean touched a spot he had liked.

"What about Sam?" asked Cas, looking over at him.

"We'll wait till he's asleep" Dean answered. Cas smiled and nodded, Dean pecking him quickly on his lips as he made way for his side of the car.

* * *

After a day of relaxing and looking around town, the guys headed back for the motel and ordered some pizza for dinner.

"So Sam did you..did you by any chance hear footsteps by your door at like 4 in the morning?" asked Dean as he served him a couple slices of pizza, as well as serving Cas.

"No, why?" asked Sam.

"Well, we heard footsteps pacing in front of your door. Cas woke me up, he was scared" Dean half smiled as he looked at Cas in awe, holding his hand.

"No..no I didn't, did you see who it was?" he asked.

"Yeah, I had gotten up to check. It was some sketchy dude, looked suspicious, said he was looking for room, oh and you're not gonna believe it, but room _six-six-six_ " Dean smiled and nodded, taking a bite of his pizza.

"Really?" asked Sam nervously. Dean nodded again, mouth full. "D-did he have a name?"

"Said his name was Nick" Dean replied. helping Cas who of course, didn't know how to eat pizza. _Nick. NICK?_ _It couldn't be! How?_   Sam thought, chills running through his spine, not saying a word.  
 "You okay Sammy?" asked Dean. Sam snapped back into it.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry about that" he answered, nervously biting into his pizza. "Um, I'm..I'm not feeling so well, I think I'm just gonna go back to my room and sleep, is that cool?" he asked, already up and ready to leave.

"But Sammy you haven't even finished your pizza!" Dean told him.

"Ye-ah I know, I'm just not feeling well, sorry" he said as he opened the door.

"Well, goodnight, if you need me just call, or knock" Dean saod, waving his beer as a gesture of a goodbye.

Sam lifted his hand, smiled, and exited the room. Dean heard the door open and close next door, then a plop of the bed.

"Well Cas, we've got the room to ourselves now" Dean smiled as he sat closer to him, putting one arm around his waist, the other feeding him the same slice of pizza that he just couldn't seem to eat.

"This is disgusting" Cas said as he rejected the food and set his paper plate on the little table.

"I'm sorry baby" Dean smiled and leaned in to nibble on his ear, but Cas dodged it with his hand.

"Don't call me baby, please" Cas pleaded as he stared at Dean.

"Okay, _babe_ " Dean laughed and nibbled on his ear anyway. Cas couldn't resist that smile and let him. Dean discretely removed Cas' trenchcoat, climbing on top of him inch by inch. He began to unbuckle Cas' slacks as well as undoing his belt. Cas couldn't resist Dean's touch and played along, removing Dean's jackets and button down, leaving him bare skinned.

"Dean" Cas whispered, holding Dean's head.

"Yeah baby- I mean, babe" Dean replied against Cas' skin, kissing and sucking his chest.

"I'm just tired" Cas told him, pushing Dean off politely. Dean stared at him and nodded.

"Okay Cas" he said as he got off him. "Can I at least carry you to bed?"

Cas smiled and nodded, putting his arms out for Dean to grab. He picked him up, knees folded over one arm while Cas' arms wrapped around Dean's neck. He rested his head on Dean's beefy shoulder as he was carried to the bed and gently placed on his back. Dean pulled the covers and fixed them over Cas, leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Night babe" he whispered.

"Goodnight Dean" Cas answered while yawning and fell asleep soon after.

* * *

Dean waited a little while after Cas had fallen asleep to leave the room. He wanted to go check out more about that Nick guy. He silently walked up to the next level of motel rooms, looking for room 666. Once he found it, he peeked inside the window but no one was in there as far as he could tell. He spent about 15 minutes scoping the motel area in hopes of finding Nick, to get to really know him, but he had no luck. He began to feel tired, it was 10:45, so he decided to head back to his room.

When he walked in, he quickly got undressed and climbed into bed with Cas. Cas sighed in his sleep as he woke up briefly.

"Dean" he whispered.

"Yeah babe?" Dean asked as he wrapped himself around Cas, trying to get comfortable

"Nothing, I just felt like saying your name" he replied. Dean smiled and kissed his cheek smoothly.

"And I just wanted to hear your voice" Dean replied. He could feel Cas smile against his skin.

"What about our swim?" asked Cas, who was now awake and staring at Dean. He squeezed his eyes and shouted, "shit!"

"Did you forget?" asked Cas.

"Yeah babe, I'm sorry" he answered, brushing his face with back of his hand.

"It's okay, maybe tomorrow night" Cas answered as he closed his eyes.

"No Cas, this may be our last time, so I'm gonna take you, let's go" he said as he got out of bed.

"Really?" asked Cas, excitedly.

"yeah Cas" he nodded as he walked to the restroom to get 2 towels. He reached for Cas' hand and they walked out to the empty pool.

"What if Sam wakes up and sees us?" asked Cas.

"Because our relationship is a secret!" Dean laughed, as well as Cas, of course not knowing why he laughed. Half the time he laughs, he doesn't even know what he's laughing at, Dean always thought, but he thought it made Cas cuter.

Dean dropped the towels on one of the chairs, fixing his briefs.

"Now what?" asked Cas who had his arms by his side and was shivering from the cool breeze.

"this.." Dean said as he pushed Cas in the pool, making a big splash after.

"DEAN!" Cas shouted, squirming in the pool. Dean jumped in and swam next to Cas.

"Hey, hey, hey calm down Cas, it's just water. Think of it as..holy water" he laughed as he grabbed Cas by the shoulders. He was trembling and Dean loved the look on his face. Kind of like the look he gave when he went to the strip club for the first time and was scared straight to talk to a stripper. Dean smiled  and pulled him closer, kissing just under his ear.

"Why..why would you do that Dean" he asked seriously, warpping his arms around his waist.

"That's how all babies learn how to swim" Dean smirked.

"Dean" Cas said sternly.

"Sorry babe, sorry" he laughed. He removed himself from Cas and stared at him, studying his body. He loved the way the  water made his eyes stand out, or the way the water dripped down his face, the way his arms crossed against his chest because he was cold and scared, the way he trembled and the way the water defined his bone structure, he loved everything about Cas. It drove him crazy. He pushed him up against the ledge of the deep end, kissing him everywhere. His hands slid up and down Cas' sides as Cas hands were fixed on Dean's butt, squeezing it everytime Dean kissed him harder. Dean ran his hands through Cas' wet hair, making that spot spike up. Cas enjoyed the water splashing through their kisses, sometimes inhaling the water through his nose everytime he breathed.

"Dean" he moaned as Dean kissed Cas' neck.

"Yeah babe?" he asked in between kisses and heavy breaths.

"N-nothing" he answered, enjoying the moment, wanting this to last forever. Dean swam Cas over to the stairs in the shallow end and splashed him, just as he did in the shower, Cas following suit. He sat himself on the top stair, enough for just his ankles to be in the water, Cas' head just above his crotch, arms resting on his thighs. Dean again ran his hands through Cas' hair as they stared at each other for a while. Cas climbed on top of Dean and sat on him, kissing him passionately, making him fall on his back on the wet concrete, feet still in the water. He removed Dean's briefs just down to his knees and began to suck.

Dean sighed loudly and let out an exaggerated  "fuck!" He pushed Cas' head harder and harder into his cock, till he heard him gag and choke. Cas let go, catching his breath to repeat himself. He reached down into his own briefs and jerked himself. Soon Cas was fucking Dean on the cold floor, trying to be extra quiet, having to bite their wrists at times of excrutiating pleasure.

"Cas, oh fuck Cas, you're re-ally good toni-ght" he grunted through his teeth as Cas sped up his thrusts, skin slapping against each other.

"Fuck Dean, I'm gonna..." Cas whispered loudly.

"It's okay babe, do what you have to, just do it, oh, just do it Cas" he moaned as his hands searched for something to grab onto. Cas pulled out and came on Dean's chest, whining and panting with each jerk of the tip,squeezing all he had out onto Dean, who had came too. Cas fell on Dean's side as they caught their breath together.

"Well that wasn't exactly a swim Cas, but that was a lot better than what I had expected" he laughed as he pulled Cas closer.

"I liked it" Cas sighed with a smile. They layed on the floor, staring up at the stars for a while before Dean broke the silence.

"Hey Cas look up at that star" Dean told him, pointing at the brightest one.

"That's the north star" Cas explained and Dean rolled his eyes.

"No, that's Dean" he said.  
 Cas expressed confusion, "what? I'm pretty sure that's the North Star, as an angel of the lord, you'd think _I'd_ know" he said.

"No Cas, I renamed it to Dean" he said again.

"You can't just rename the most important st-"

"ITS' NAME IS DEAN OKAY CAS" he exclaimed. "Because if you're ever lost or need me, just look up, I"ll _always_ be there, _I've got you_ " he explained as he gave Cas a long kiss on the lips.  
 Cas smiled and told him "That's so..what's the word you guys use, oh yeah, lame" he laughed, and Dean laughed too because he knew it was true, it really was lame, but he didn't really care. They continued to laugh, not knowing they had a visitor on the outside of the gate.

Nick, he was staring at them from the outside of the pool gate. Awakened from the noise outside (Cas and Dean's laughs and yells), Sam stepped outside to see what was happening. Nick turned around to see Sam, shirtless, with jeans on and bed head.

"Looking good Sammy" Nick told him, catching Sam by surprise.

Sam's eyes widened. "Nick! What are you doing here?" he whispered loudly, teeth clenched, hoping Cas and Dean wouldn't hear them, but by the looks of it, they were too busy kissing and touching each other to listen around them.

"You weren't at your house at midnight" he said, Sam's eyes opened wider, "after all, I did tell Dean to meet me there with that damn angel of his" he said, walking closer to Sam, putting his arms around his waist.

"You" Sam whispered. Nick smiled and put his hands in the air.

"You caught me" he laughed and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Get away from me. First you leave me for no reason, I thought you _loved_ me" he said, "and now this? Fucking around like this?"

"What do you expect, I am _Lucifer_ " he smiled and lured Sam into his room. By the time they were in room 666, Cas and Dean were already sound asleep in their room.

"G-get away from me" Sam shouted, tied to a chair.

"Oh c'mon Sammy" Lucifer begged in a baby-ish voice, "all you have to do is say _yes_."

"Yes to what?" asked Sam, angrily.

"Let me in your vessel" Lucifer demanded.


	7. I'm Not Sam

 

 

The sun rose slightly at 5AM on Sunday morning, Sam still in Lucifer's room, sleeping in the chair which he was still tied to, Lucifer's plans for him and his whereabouts were unknown at the time. Back in Cas and Dean's room, Cas was just waking up, sleepy eyes fixed on Dean's sleeping body, fondling with Dean's messy hair, Cas smiling softly against his pillow. He remained silent for about 20 minutes, playing with Dean's hair, attempting all the little things to try and wake him, but he wouldn't budge. Cas fixed the covers that he had shared with Dean over himself, tighter, and scooted closer to Dean, manually putting himself under Dean's arm, such as a puppy would do when trying to wake his owner in the morning. Still, he fondled with his hair, made his fingers walk over Dean's bare chest, putting his nose to Dean's chin and closing his eyes, hoping he'd wake up, but still, nothing. He began to flab his earlobe gently, pulling the tips of his hair, he was desperate for Dean to wake.

"Cas" Dean grunted in a sleepy and annoyed tone. Cas smiled and pressed his lips against Dean's chest as Dean intertwined his fingers in Cas' morning hair. "Cas it's 5 in the friggin' morning, what do you want?" Dean asked, imposing a smile still, against Cas' forhead.

"I just wanted to hear your voice, Dean" Cas whispered against Dean's chest, kissing it after. He felt Dean's smile grow bigger, kissing his forehead.

"Just let me sleep, for like one more hour babe, then I'm all yours" he told him, yawning.

"But Dean.." Cas interrupted.

"What Cas?" Dean asked, one eye open, staring at him wearily.

"Please stay awake with me" he pleaded as both of his hands held Dean's chin gently, puppy eye-ing him, which he knew was Dean's weakness. Dean shut his eyes and bit his lip, then a smile streamed across his face. 

"Fine Cas, you win" he laughed. Cas smiled and they exchanged kisses. The heat of Dean's lips lured Cas for more, slowly climbing on top of Dean, still under the covers. Their chests still touched and Dean's hands frolicked down to Cas' ass, squeezing both cheeks and holding them as he was drowned in kisses. Cas' hands felt up Dean's body, lips still pressed tight to Dean's, tongues twisting and tangling, not once coming up for air.

"Cas" Dean whispered into his ear, gently biting the lobe.

"What Dean?" he asked back, diving back into the kiss.

"Let me fuck you babe" he whispered in a lower, more seductive tone, biting his lobe hard enough for Cas to cringe. Cas made a noise of approval and didn't stop kissing Dean.

"C'mon babe" Dean begged, trying to turn Cas over. Cas refused, leaning over Dean and grabbing onto the headboard for more support as he continued to kiss him. Dean's strength soon turned Cas over onto his stomach, staring at the headboard, feet nearly hanging off the bed. Dean removed his and Cas' briefs slowly, seductively, turning Cas rock-hard as Dean's lips traveled across Cas' back, neck, ears, everywhere. He jerked himself, Cas did too. The sighs and moans became overwhelming so Dean entered Cas slowly, sqeezing his ass cheeks firmly as he filled Cas up. Once he was in, before thrusting, he leaned over and grabbed the headboard, looking down at Cas' profile. Half of his face was pressed against the bed, eager and ready for Dean. He asked for a kiss before it, Dean obeyed and began to thrust his hips back and forth. Cas let out a sigh of pleasure as he clenched the bed sheets as well as his teeth. His nostrils flared, his eyes shut tight, his body quivered, and his heart rate shot up. Dean stayed calm and collective, staring down at Cas who enjoyed it, holding onto the headboard still. He didn't thrust fast, he did it nice and slow, but also very hard. Hard and slow thrusts were Cas' favorite types of fucks from Dean. He didn't really enjoy recieveing the fast paced thrusts but  _giving_ however, well that was a different story. He liked the thought of being made love to, which is what this moment felt like to him. He gasped and moaned against the sheets, biting them when the pleasure and pain became excrutiating. He whined and moaned, grunting along with Dean who tried his best not to make a sound. The bed creaked and the headboard slammed against the wall, not fast, but everytime it hit the wall, it definitely made an impact, shaking the framed paintings on the wall above the bed.

"You like that baby?" Dean asked, saying baby purposefully. He wanted to see Cas get angry, it would turn him on even more. Cas grunted but ignored it. "Yeah  _baby_? Like that?" Dean groaned as he began to thrust harder. He was over taking it slow and cautious, that just wasn't his style. He dropped from the headboard, tucked his arms under Cas' chest, mouth against Cas' hot ears, listening to every whimper he made as he pounded the breath out of him.

"C'mon  _baby,_ you love this don't you  _baby_?" he whispered agressively into his ear. Cas snarled and clenched the sheets tighter, tightening his body which made Dean moan loudly. It really made him get off whe Cas got angry, when he took control. He saw no harm in trying again. "Ye-ah  _baby_. That's right, that's fuckin' right  _baby_. Just like that, tell me you like it  _baby_ " he moaned in his ear again. Their bodies weren't even slapping against each other as usual, their bodies layed flat on each other, Dean sliding up and down. Cas grunted louder and dipped his head deeper into the mattress, clenching the sheets tighter.

"Shut the fuck up Dean" Cas shouted against the screeching bed. That enough, that word, not just the word necessarily, but because the word came out of Cas' mouth, seemed so much better, that enough made him pull out anxiously, turn Cas over, jerk himself a few times, and come all over Cas' heavily-breathing stomach. Cas jerked himself as he came on himself too, resting one arm over his forehead, jerking slowly and slowly till there was nothing coming out anymore. Dean cleaned himself and Cas up, glancing at the clock that read 5:43 AM.

"Fuck Cas" Dean smiled as he plopped next to him, attempting to put his arm around him, but Cas refused. "What's wrong babe?"

"Oh now you say babe" Cas muttered as he stared at the slight sunlight that sneaked through their window.

"Oh really Cas? That's what this is about?" Dean asked, annoyed.

"Yes Dean, I don't like that. I'm not a baby, nor am I your pet. I'm your...aren't I your boyfriend?" he asked, looking at Dean intently, puppy eyes slowly penetrating him.

  
_Boyfriend_. Dean thought. He smiled to himself.  _Of course you're my boyfriend Cas_ , Dean wanted to say. And it's not that Dean  _didn't_ wanna say it because, he knew it was true. Cas was in fact his boyfriend, he just couldn't get over how cute Cas sounded when he said it. Dean ran his fingers through Cas' hair, "of course you are Cas. You're my boyfriend and you mean the world to me. I love you like I love Sam, just in a boyfriend-type of way. Hell, I wanna fuckin' marry you, but we just don't have that kind of time." Dean assured him. He hadn't planned on saying all of that but, it just flowed out naturally, and he meant every word he said. Cas smiled humbly, it soon turned into his beloved toothy grin that made Dean's heart melt.

"Can you just promise me one thing Dean?" he asked, face growing serious again.

"Of course I can babe" Dean answered.

"Promise you'll never leave me? Promise me you won't die on me, or leave me. I don't know why I've obtained these feelings all of a sudden, I'm an angel, but everytime I'm with you, I just, I feel human" he smiled as he looked back up at Dean, holding his arm that still had the hand playing with his hair.

"I'm never gonna leave you babe, and I don't plan on dying anytime soon. I'm Dean Winchester babe, I  _never_ die" he smiled and pressed his lips against Cas' forehead and closed his eyes. "But for now babe, I'm gonna sleep for another hour or so, and you should too."

"Okay babe" Cas answered and scooted into Dean, Dean's arm wrapping around him.

They slept for 2 hours before it happened.

* * *

Over in room 666, Lucifer had returned to Sam, slapping his cheeks to wake him up.

"Sammy, oh Saaammy" he sung. He woke up in a panick, trying to grasp on to reality.

"What do you want from me?" he asked angrily, huffing and puffing.

"Oh Sam, let's not play stupid here. I told you what I wanted last night. I want you to let me take your vessel" Luci smiled innocently.

"NO!" Sam shouted in his face. Lucifer flinched sarcastically and laughed. He sat on Sam's lap, arm wrapping around his neck, the other, gripped on Sam's broad right shoulder. 

"Can we, fool around, for old times' sake?" he whispered in Sam's ear. Sam shut his eyes and let the sensation of the seductive whisper travel through his body. He still did love him. He didn't love Lucifer though, he loved Nick.

"Why..why didn't you just tell me you were Lucifer when we first met?" Sam whispered as Luci brushed Sam's face with the back of his hand, placing his hair behind his ear. 

"Oh Sammy, then we never would've had fun" he smiled, brushing his lips across his cheeks softly.

"Nick...Lucifer, stop" Sam told him, cringing away.

"C'mon Sam, let's mess around again" he snickered into Sam's ear fiercly, biting his ear lobe. Sam didn't want to, really, he didn't, but at the same time, he did. He nodded as he took in Luci's kiss, hands being untied slowly.

"That's it Sammy" Lucifer whispered, throwing the rope behind him as he straddled Sam. He began to unbuckle Sam' jeans and drop them as well as his own. He took them both off and threw them to the side, still kissing Sam. Their cocks rubbed against one another through the thin fabric of their boxers. Sam sighed, breathing heavily in between kisses. Lucifer was far too average sized to even think about carrying Sam to bed, so instead, Sam raised up, Luci still attatched to him. They plopped down on the bed and kissed more, removing their shirts and soon, their boxers.

"Just say yes Sammy" Lucifer teased, making his way down to Sam's cock.

"N-o" Sam groaned as his head was thrown back against the mattress.

"I'll make you change your mind" Luci whispered to himself as he took in the cock. Sam grunted and placed his rather large hand on the back of Lucier's head, squeezing his hair, and pushing his face in deeper. He clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut, other hand clenching the sheets. Luci continued to suck and jerk off Sam until he was ready to fuck him, just like old times. He lifted Sam's legs over his shoulders and inserted slowly, thrusting fast and hard. He stroked as fast as he could, skin slapping and making echoes throughout the room.

"Say yes Sammy" Lucifer exclaimed through clenched teeth.

"N-o!" Sam shouted back.

"Say..yes" he repeated, slowing down his thrust so he can make them harder.

"Lucifer...no" Sam exhaled.

"Say it dammit" he yelled as his hands wringed Sam's neck, almost choking him.

"YES!" Sam shouted as Lucifer let go and Sam sighed in relief. Lucifer smiled menacingly and stopped.

And that's when it hapened.

* * *

 

 

Loud screams erupted outside and had woken up Cas. It was 8 AM. 

"Dean...Dean wake up!" Cas shouted as he shook him vigorously.

"Jeez Cas what is it this time?" he asked annoyed, soon alarmed by the piercing screams outside. "What's that?" he asked with eyes wide open.

"I don't know Dean, but it sounds like Sam to me" Cas answered shortly. Dean shot out of bed, threw his clothes on and rushed outside. Cas followed him, trenchcoat messy, bedhead flaunting about. Dean had knocked on Sam's door a handful of times until he realized the screams were coming from upstairs. He ran for the stairs and to the sounds of his brothers' screams. Cas made his way up too, trying to use his angel power to try and find Sam on his own, but he couldn't.

"Cas, Cas what room is it coming from?" Dean asked, panicked. But from the looks of it, it seemed most rooms were empty, and that led them to the room. Lucifer's room. Suddenly, the screams stopped and Cas and Dean stood in front of it, Dean's hand on the knob. Cas stared at him and nodded. Dean turned the nob to find his brother on the floor, Nick's bloody vessel motionless at Sam's feet.

"Dean you're...you're just in time" Sam smiled. Out of no where, he had a white suit on, as if Nick, or at the time, Lucifer had kept it for this moment.

"Sammy" Dean whispered, smiling hopefully and worried.

"Oh no, I'm not Sam anymore," he smiled, "call me Lucifer."


	8. Look, Dean

Dean couldn't believe it, neither could Cas. How could Sam so easily say yes to Lucifer?

"Sam..I know..I know you're in there somewhere. Please, come out of there" Dean pleaded with guilt in his voice.

"I told you," the new Lucifer spoke, "Sam is not here" he smiled as he stepped closer to Dean.

"Sam, please" Dean began to cry. Cas held onto his hand tight. Lucifer laughed. For some reason, Dean wasn't afraid because to him, Sam wasn't intimidating, and second, it was Sam, somewhere deep inside, Sam was in there. Suddenly, Cas took out his dagger and stabbed Lucifer with it. Dean shrieked, but Sam just laughed, removing the dagger nonchalantly. He glared at Cas as he dropped the dagger, making a tinking sound as it hit the ground.

"Dean we've...we've gotta go" Cas told him, grabbing his jacket sleeve. Dean didn't move. "Dean we HAVE to go!" he shouted again, tugging harder. Dean let himself be pulled back before he scurried out of the room with Cas. 

"You can run, but you can never hide!" he heard Sam shout as they ran back to their room.

"We have to pack and go Cas..we need to get away from here as soon as possible" Dean explained.

"But Dean.."

"Not now Cas!" he shouted and pounded his hands on the table, "just not now, please we need to hit the road before something worse happens. If anything, he's gonna kill the angels first and I..I can't lose you today. Not today, or tomorrow, I  _can't_ lose you anytime soon, got that?"

Cas nodded and obeyed, helped Dean pack his things. They rushed in the Impala and drove off in a random direction.

"Where will we go?" Cas asked Dean curiously.

"I don't know Cas, we've just gotta get far from here and we'll stop at a motel a few hours from now okay, then we'll leave again." Cas nodded and placed his hand over Dean's.

* * *

Several hours passed, Cas was sound asleep against the rattling window of the Impala. Dean grew tired and decided he'd stop at the next motel that he saw. He pulled into the parking lot of the motel and left Cas in the car as he checked out a room.

"Hey Cas" Dean shook him gently, "Cas, babe we're here." He didn't wake. Dean took a moment to revel in Cas' messed up attire, messy hair, and slight stuble that grew on his face. He smiled to himself and attempted to wake him again. He didn't so much as move at all but he moaned, fatigued. Dean didn't bother in trying anymore, he did his best to lift Cas from the seat and carried him in his arms. For the way he looked, Cas wasn't as heavy as Dean thought. His legs dangled over Dean's flexed arms, arms wrapped around Dean's neck as he was carried in the room and placed on the bed. Dean didn't feel like  going back to the car to get his bags, he'd wait till tomorrow. He saw it was a one bed bedroom and he had no problem with that. He didn't want Cas sleeping in his only set of clothes, so he removed everything but his briefs from Cas' body gently, Cas muttering noises every now and then, grabbing Dean's hand and begging him to come to bed. Dean did, he was tired and most of all, sad, upset, angry with Sam. But he didn't wanna think about that. He grabbed the surprisingly comfy blankets, threw them up, and placed them over Cas, soon scooting into bed and under the same covers with him. He pulled Cas close and Cas wrapped his arms around his neck and opened his eyes.

"I hope you're okay" he told him.

"I..I am Cas" Dean replied, faking a smile.

"I did it on purpose you know" Cas half smiled, teeth emerging from under his lips, as he looked down at Dean's amulet, toying with it while the other hand cupped the circumfrence of Dean's neck.

"Did what?" asked Dean, staring down at Cas who had still been playing with his amulet.

"Pretended to be asleep so you'd carry me to bed" he laughed softly and placed his arm back around Dean's neck.

"Did you now?' Dean asked, laughing. Cas nodded and laughed with him, this time he actually knew why he was laughing. "Any reason why?" he asked, wrapping his arms around Cas' warm body, pulling him as close to his own body as he could.

"You just need your mind off of Sam" he answered, staring back at Dean. He agreed and pressed his lips to Cas' forehead.

"goodnight Cas" he whispered.

"Dean" Cas whispered back, eyes closed, mouth parted, waiting for a kiss. Dean saw his gesture and took up on it. He pressed his lips against Cas' and off he was, lost in what he called  _Cas-Land_. His favorite place to be for sure. Cas brought his tongue underneath Dean's and twisted and curled, Dean following his rythym. He felt Cas climb on top of him but he pushed him away politely.

"Not tonight babe" he whispered.

"But Dean..please" Cas begged. Sometimes Cas' sexual needs got way off hand for Dean, but at the same time, he didn't mind. "I'll make you forget about everything for the night babe, you need that" he whined in Dean's ear quietly.

"Cas.." but he had already made his way on top of Dean, kissing his chest and everything. Dean sighed and gave up, letting Cas take him. After the fondling and foreplay and teasing, he had Dean facing the headboard on all fours, inserting from behind. He'd be the one to fuck Dean's problems away, he'd return the favor. He had one knee on the mattress, one foot on the mattress as his knee was bent in an almost right angle beside Dean's hip. He thrusted forward and that sent a jolt of pleasure through Dean's body. As usual, he started slow, going faster when Dean begged for more. The bed squeaked with every thrust, Cas hands holding Dean's hips. He lowered his head to kiss the indentation where his back met his ass, trailing up to his neck, then his ear, whispering dirty which was new for Cas. He moved one hand under to Dean's cock and stroked it, feeling the heat of his stomach rush into his cock. His whole body was on fire, he moaned and whined and grunted.

"Don't wo-rry babe, I'll ma-ake it alright" Cas moaned as he slowed down, body falling on top of Dean's. He pulled out slowly and came on Dean. His hand was still jerking Dean's cock and he felt the warm come on his hands as they moved and squirmed together, sharing the same breathing pattern, Cas kissing Dean's neck until they were both exhausted. He fell on his back beside Dean who was trying to catch his breath.

"I..I love you Cas" he mumbled and crawled back in his sleeping position.

"I love you more" he replied, kissing his forehead before they fell asleep together. It was 5 pm. 

* * *

Their sleeping schedule was fucked up, they woke up at 2 AM and Dean made it a point where they had to leave as soon as they could function properly.

"Dean my clothes are beginning to grow stains and I don't feel comfortable wearing the same thing everyday" Cas told him.

"Cas we don't have time for that" Dean replied.

"You've gotta have extra clothes" he said. Dean rolled his eyes impatiently and walked out to the car to fetch him some spare clothes.

"Here" Dean said, handing him some jeans and a plain black t-shirt, "They might be too big."

Cas smiled, "No, I think I know what too big is" he laughed, hinting at Dean. 

"Oh really now?" Dean laughed and playfully wrapped his arms around Cas' bare waist, kissing his cheek as Cas laughed and tried to take Dean off of him. He tried the clothes on, they were a bit baggy but they'd do well. He picked up his coat and somehow made it look good with jeans.

"Well those jeans make your ass look great" Dean  noticed and smiled, touching it.

"Now c'mon, we've gotta get to Bobby's" Dean continued and pulled Cas along, carrying his dirty clothes.

* * *

They ventured off in the very early morning, still dark, stars twinkling up above. Every now and then, Cas would look up at the sky, at Dean, the star of course. He smiled and placed his forehead to the window.

"What are you smiling at over there?" Dean laughed and poked Cas.

"Oh nothing" Cas responded, smiling back at Dean.

"God I love you" Dean told him amorously. He leaned over, wanting a kiss from Cas. He kissed Dean's lips tenderly and advised him to keep his eyes on the road.

"Oh come on babe, it's 3 AM, no one is on this road" he smiled, leaning over for another kiss. Another kiss is what he got. Suddenly the car began to slow down and sputter, Dean pulling over on the side of the empty road.  

"What's happening?" asked Cas, unbuckling his seatbelt and following Dean out of the car.

"What the hell?" Dean asked himself, kicking the tires as he popped the hood. Everything seemed normal, no overheatage, nothing. He scurried to the trunk and grabbed his shotgun.

"Something's  going on" he said, grabbing Cas and bringing him close to him, protecting him. He felt Cas tremble as his hands held on to Dean's jacket. Dean aimed the gun in different positions, trying to see through the dark.

"Boo" they heard a voice from behind them and they turned around quickly. But Cas, he fell to the ground slowly, holding his stomach. Lucifer. He had stabbed Cas in the back, penetrating all the way to the front.

"NO!" Dean shouted and fell down to Cas who's eyes were fixed on Dean. "You sonofabitch! Dammit Sam I know you're in there! See what you've done? Look at what you've done! How could you do this you..you bastard!" he yelled, finger pointed in his face. Sam laughed innocently, hands behind his back, touching Cas with his feet, looking back at Dean.

"I warned you I was coming" he told him and vanished.

"GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU'LL PAY! YOU'LL PAY FOR TAKING SAM, AND YOU'LL PAY FOR TAKING CAS!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, averting his attention back to the helpess and bloody Cas on the floor.

"Cas.." Dean's voice broke.

"Dean...Dean I'm so sorry" he replied with all his might.

"No Cas...it's not your fault..it's not.." he answered, bursting into tears. He was on his knees, holding Cas' bloody hands. Behind him was the angel dagger that Sam had stabbed him with. He clenched his teeth and tried to hold back his tears.

"De-an" Cas murmurred, shaking and shivering.

"What, what is it babe?" Dean asked, voice cracking with every word.

"Look" he smiled and pointed at the sky, at the star,  _Dean_. 

Dean shook his head. "No! Why? Why is this happening? Cas! I'm sorry! Babe I'm so sorry!" he yelled, clutching his bloody trenchcoat as it started to pour.

Cas reached out for Dean's head and whispered "kiss me Dean, kiss me one last time please" as Dean lowered his mouth to meet his. They pressed lips gently and exchanged what would be the last kiss they'd have.

"I love you baby" Dean whispered against his lips.

"Dean"  he whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah Cas?"

"Don't call me baby" he said and let out one last breath, fingers loosing grip against Dean's hands.

"No! No! Are those really gonna be your last words to me? God dammit NO!" Dean yelled, banging his fists against Cas' chest. "Come back you son of a bitch, come back!" screaming in Cas' face, tears mixing with the rainfall. "Ple-ease, please come back" he moaned against Cas' nose. He dropped his face into Cas' hair and bawled, still holding Cas' hands tight.

"I said I'd never let you go Cas, I..I failed you" he whispered, squeezing his eyes.

"Said I'd always be there for you, that I've got you" he repeated several times. 

"Now look what's happened. I don't think I can move on Cas..Lucifer is wearing Sam, you're...you're gone" he explained to Cas' bloody and lifeless vessel.

"I love you so much Cas and I don't know if I'll see you in heaven or hell, but I'll be gone tomorrow. I'll be with you. There's no point in..living.." he whispered as he fell asleep, still holding Cas' bloody hands.


	9. I Miss You

 

The sun rose slightly and Dean held on to Cas' limp hands, ear to his chest, listening to the quietness of his body, listening to the sound of his heart not beating. He woke up as if it were any other day with Cas, stretching and looking around until he realized he was in the middle of no where, car parked on the side of the road, then he felt a warm tension in his body. He had remembered what had happened to Cas. he looked down slowly, not wanting to see the body lying there, but he had no choice. Cas layed on the floor, hands still on his wound from when he was holding it in pain, eyes relaxed and mouth calm. The redness stained his trenchcoat as well as Dean's hands.

"Cas..." Dean whispered sadly, hoping he'd somehow answer him. He clenched his fists around Cas' trenchcoat. "Oh God, I'm dreaming. Cas, I know you're in there! Wake up! Ressurect! Please! Don't tell me you're really gone this time, you've come back so many times Cas..please  _baby_." Nothing. Dean let out an agonizing cry, echoing through the forest behind him. He sobbed against Cas' body, sliding his fingers in place with Cas' motionless hands. "Cas ple-ease" he whined, "I need you Cas. Why'd you have to do this...you said you wouldn't go die on me..you sonofabitch..." Dean didn't know what to do. He rose to his feet, kicking the side of his Impala, banging on the trunk, pulling his hair, he leaned on the car, hands propping himself on the trunk, head bowed down. He shook his head several times before he rampaged again, yelling every slander in the book, falling next to Cas and squeezing him against his body. He dragged him by the car, sat against the back tire, and held Cas in his arms. He scratched his head, kissing his forehead for a while and crying. "Cas I love you so much, I wish...I wish you woulda said it back before you left me" he sniffled and wiped his tears away. He puckered his lips in an attempt to stop crying but that didn't work, he just began to bawl again, squeezing Cas' lifeless body against his. "I don't know what I'm gonna do with you Cas" he spoke to himself, "I can't leave you on the side of the road babe" he laughed angrily. He shook his head as he looked into the distance, still scratching Cas' head. Just then he rested Cas down gently and got the shovel from his dented trunk. He picked Cas up, carrying him over his shoulders. "Don't worry Cas, you may not be human, but to me, what we had is better than any real human relationship. I.. _I got you_ " Dean told him, stumbling upon his words while walking into the forest. He picked out a nice spot between some trees, and placed Cas' body against one of them. He began to dig, he took his anger out at the ground with the shovel, cursing and crying and yelling. When he was deep in the hole, he climbed out and sank to his knees, head falling in his hands and he whimpered. He thought he'd run out of tears at this point but they just kept coming, they were infinite, just like his love for Cas. He recollected himself and picked up Cas and brought him next to the freshly dug grave. Dean gave him one last kiss on the forehead, smooth and long, his tears falling on Cas' cheeks. "I love you so much" he whispered, and placed him gently in his grave. Before climbing out, he removed Cas' trenchcoat carefully and put it on the ground above the grave. He climbed out and stared down at the unbelieveable sight. He'd never thought once in his life that he'd bury an angel, but here he was. "Hey Cas, the way you died it's...it was completely...fucking uncalled for. You...you meant-mean so much to me and..I don't know what to do. At this point, I have no Sam, no father, and now no you. You made me forget babe.....you made me feel better. Whether it was the sex or just your presence, you made me not hate myself for once. Before you came into my life, all I had was Sammy...my life was devoted to taking care of him, making sure he doesn't turn into what he is now. When you came, I didn't really worry, I mean...I knew I should've, but he...he's the one who left and I know...." he began to sob between his words, "I know I shoulda went after him...I..everything is my fault Cas. If I went after him, he'd be here, me and you we'd be...we'd be fucking or in bed, or us 3 would be in a hotel room, doing our business but look what I've done..I...I'm no good. I'd rather lay with you all day babe, even if you never wake up but if it means you'll always be by my side, I...I wouldn't mind" he forged a smile. "Now, never forget about me..I know you're probably in heaven or...I don't know, purgatory? I swear babe, if it takes me forever, I _will_ look for you. You can't just die, you've come back 3 times to me, what's another to do harm?" He shook his head and rolled his eyes back to hold back the tears. He removed a black bracelet from his wrist and he looked at it, twirling it in between his fingers before he dropped it on top of Cas. "Keep this Cas. If you ever wake, if you ever come back to me, if you can't find me, if you're scared, wear that. And don't forget to look up at  _Dean"_ He told him, looking up at the star which was faintly visible. "If it's okay, I'm keeping your trenchcoat" Dean laughed, feeling a little better. He stared at Cas who looked so calm and comfortable in his grave for a few moments, then filled up the grave as quick as he could, falling on top of the covered up hole, crying. He knew he couldn't be alone, so he rushed back to the car and headed for Bobby's house. 

The car seemed so different. Every now and then Dean would look to the side where Cas would usually be. He imagined Cas there, staring out the window, hands in his laps, squinting as he stared, asking stupid questions that Dean somehow loved to answer. He'd say  _Dean how do you roll down the window again?_ and Dean would have to show him for the 20th time.  _Dean please turn the volume down, it's excrutiatingly painful._ And Dean would turn it down because it was Cas.  _Dean I love you_. Cas would say in the most random of times to break the silence, or to just say it because he knew he meant it. Dean snapped back onto the road, he felt tears stream down his cheek. He moved his hands over to the seat of where Cas would sit, still firm from the shape of Cas' bottom always sitting there. It still had Cas' smell. Cas had smelled like Dean's cologne and cheap motel rooms. It was a pleasant smell and it made Dean smile. It'd be quite a long night without Cas.

* * *

He drove up to Bobby's house at 5 PM. Bobby wasn't expecting Dean, but once he saw he was alone, bloody, and holding Cas' trenchcoat, he knew something was up and he rushed Dean inside.

"Dean what happened?" Boby asked.

"What  _didn't_ happen?" he answered whitly and threw the coat on the couch.

"Dean..." Bobby suggested.

"First, Sam..he said yes to Lucifer for reasons I don't friggin' know. Then, he fucking killed Cas" he shouted.

"What?" Bobby asked in shock. "Where..where is Sam and what did you do with Cas? Why'd you let Sam out of your sight Dean? That was your job!"

"Sorry! Sorry for being fucking happy for once in my damn life! I had something special Bobby....something no one could take from me, but  _Sam_ of all people killed what was left of me! Cas!" he yelled, throwing his hands up.

"Wait...Cas..you..and Cas? You two w-"

"Yeah we were fucking! Okay? Now that that's over with Bobby, I don't know what to do...I had to fuckin' bury that sonofabitch in buttfuck, middle of nowhere and I ju-"

"So you kept his trenchcoat I see" Bobby noticed, looking remorseful as he walked over to Dean with his arms open. Dean didn't deny the opportunity of a well needed hug. It wasn't Sam or Cas but it was good enough.

"Bobby I want to kill myself" Dean whispered. Bobby's eyes widened as he stepped out of the hug.   
"You what?" he exclaimed, glaring at Dean.

"Bobby, Cas was all I had left. I don't know where Sam is and Cas...he's...he's gone. He's long gone" he explained.

"You have me, and we  _will_ find Sam okay. And as for Cas....I'm sure he'll be back" Bobby said, even though he doubted it.

Dean doubted it too.

"You need rest" Bobby told him.

"Yeah I probably do" Dean agreed.

"Couch is all yours" Bobby told him, "just know I'll be sleeping in here too, I don't need you trying anything funny."

"Thanks Bobby" Dean answered.

* * *

Dean fell asleep at 7 PM, constantly waking up, not being able to sleep, but Bobby watched over him as he watched TV.

"Okay there Dean?" asked Bobby.

"Yeah...I'm just..I haven't slept on a couch in months. And I haven't slept alone in months. Also, I can't remember the last time I went to sleep without having sex" he smiled.

"Okay, I don't need to hear about that Dean, go back to sleep" Bobby told him, and he did. He seemed okay to Bobby but deep down inside, his heart was being trampled on, ripped apart, he felt like he was back in hell. Throughout the night he woke up in cold sweats, yelling out Cas' name, sometimes Sam's name. At one point he cried in his sleep, yelling for Sam, telling him off, saying he loves him and he wish he'd come back. Most times, Bobby would have to calm him down and put him back to sleep like a child. The night dragged on, but he made it through, barely, with the help of Bobby.

* * *

The rest of the day consisted of Bobby doing some research to find Sam's wherabouts, and Dean holding Cas' coat, carrying it everywhere, stroking it and staring at the bloodstains.   
"geez you need to wash that thing" Bobby joked.

No" Dean murmurred, "it still has his scent." Bobby rolled his eyes and continued to look for information. A few hours later, Bobby woke Dean from his 10th nap of the day. 

"Hey...Dean..I think I have a lead on Sam's location" he told him excitedly. Dean shot up, still holding the coat. 

"Where, where is he? Let's go, let's go now" he insisted, heading towards the door.

"Whoa Whoa Dean!" Bobby stopped him, "We're not leaving now ya idjit. I still have to look further into this. I just thought you'd like to hear some good news for once."  
"Well don't wake me up unless Cas is back or you found Sam" Dean grimaced and walked back to the couch.

* * *

They still hadn't found Sam, Cas hadn't come back, it's been 6 months and Dean was terribly miserable. He'd attempted suicide several times, all failing because Bobby would come to the rescure. There was a point where Bobby almost wasn't there to save him.He finally built up some trust to leave Dean alone in the house while he went on a run for some beer. When he returned, he found Dean on the floor mid-seizure, pills spread around him. He'd swallowed 6 pills and his heart nearly stopped. Bobby rushed him to a hospital where he'd stayed for 3 months, and he's just now getting out. He had hallucinated several times, mostly of Sam and Cas, mainly Cas. One time Sam had come in to visit, they had a nice talk, he was with Jess, they were perfectly married. Another time, it was Sam who was bloody and vengeful. One time he'd come in to take pity in him. 

"Dean why'd you do this? Why?" he asked, clenching onto the rails of the hospital bed.

"Sammy...I'm...I'm really sorry" Dean answered in short breaths.

"No Dean! That's so selfish! Dad would be so pissed with you right now! You're..you're my older brother for christ' sake, you're supposed to be here!" Sam shouted, it all seemed so real.

"Then you never shoulda left you asshole!" Dean shouted at nothing as the nurses rushed in to calm him down and force him to sleep.  
 Another time, Cas had come in. He was clean shaven,clothes were washed, he looked mint and very handsome.

"Hello Dean" he said, the way Dean loved, that raspy and deep voice of Cas'.

"Cas...baby" Dean smiled.

"Now Dean, you know I don't like when you call me baby but since you're not feeling too well, well I'll let it slip" he smiled as he brushed away Dean's hair and kissed him gently on the forehead. "Now why'd you do this?" he asked, tilting his head slightly and squinting his eyes as he sat down on the chair next to the bed.

"Cas I just wanna be with you" he answered.

"But I'm always here. Remember, you have my coat, my _real_ coat. And I...well I still have _this_ " he said as he rolled up his sleeve for Dean to see the bracelet he'd thrown on Cas before he filled up his grave.

"Cas..." Dean whispered, staring at the bracelet, not blinking.

"I want you to have it back" Cas insisted, taking it off and placing it around Dean's wrist.

"Cas no, it's yours" Dean said.

"No remember, I have my star" Cas smiled.

"Your star? What?" asked Dean, not remembering about the star he named after himself.

" _Dean_. The star you 'gave' me the night we went 'swimming'" he explained as Dean nodded his head and remembered, "I'll always look at the star and think of you" he smiled and kissed his lips, staring at each other for what seemed like minutes.

"Cas I've missed you, you sonofabitch" Dean told him.

"And I miss you miserably too Dean" he replied, holding onto Dean's hand.

"Then why don't you come back to me babe?" Dean pleaded.

'Dean, it's..it's not that easy, you know I would if I could but..I..I can't" he frowned.

"Why Cas? Why?" Dean raised his voice, then cringing because of the pain it had caused his throat.

"Dean, I can't. At least not yet.." he said.

" _Yet?_ You mean you'll come back one day?" Dean asked hopefully.

"Dean I don't know, you see I've been here watching over you this whole time. I never left. I watched you...I watched you bury me...for the first time I..I cried" Cas explained.

"AND YOU JUST LET ME DIG YOUR GRAVE AND PUT YOU IN IT YOU SONOFABITCH!?" Dean shouted. Luckily no one heard him.

"Dean..the angels don't like that I have become human, that I have feelings and have a sense of humanity and right from wrong, Dean I'd come back but-"

"Hey idjit!" a voice called from afar, "Idjit wake up!" Bobby whispered loudly as Dean rolled back into conciousness.

"What is it Bobby?" Dean asked annoyed.

"Just thought I'd check on you" Bobby told him as he sat himself down on the chair next to the hospital bed.

"Oh, okay well yeah I'm fine" Dean rolled his eyes and turned away from Bobby.

"Hey idjit what's your problem?" Bobby asked, trying to roll Dean over.

"YOU! You're my problem! I wanted to die!" Dean shouted as Bobby cringed back.

"Are you stupid? Why would you wanna die? I know where your brother is!" he shouted back. 

"Because I wanna be with Cas, and I lost Sam okay!?" he yelled, then realized what Bobby had said, "Wait did you just say you know where Sammy is?" he asked remorsefully.  
 Bobby nodded his head and smiled. 

"Let's get you out of here and find Sam" Bobby smiled as he patted Dean's shoulder and walked out of the room to check him out. Dean smiled and looked down. He had a double take and noticed the black bracelet was back around his wrist.

Cas hadn't returned.


	10. Just Like Old Times

 

Bobby managed to get Dean admitted out of the hospital and they rushed back to his house, eager to set out on the trip to find and hopefully save Sam. When they got to the house, they packed what they needed, all their weapons and some clothes and food. Dean left his Impala there, he didn't need any distractions on this serious journey, so he decied it'd be best to remove the bracelet Cas returned to him somehow, and left the trenchcoat somewhere in the house. He took out the only picture of him and Cas out of his wallet and hesitated putting it down. He stared at it in awe. He remembered the day perfectly. It was in California, Dean wanted to take Cas out for a baseball game, to get the true American side out of him. It was one of those souvenir photos when you walk in the stadium, before you go and find your seats, photographers would ask joyfully "Would you like to take a photo and cherish this memory?" Dean hesitated but Cas wanted to so they did. Without warning, the photographer took the first photo, Dean's arm placed comfortably on Cas' waist, looking into his eyes and Cas had stared back. It was a pure candid shot, anyone who saw the picture didn't even have to ask if they were in a relationship. The other picture, the real one, Cas had kept. That one, they both smiled for the camera. Dean smirked at the thought of that, it was a genuine smile from Cas, and a genuine one from Dean. During the first hour of the road trip that's all he thought about. He did take the picture with him, and he stared at it for a good 30 minutes, laughing and telling Bobby how Cas was "so confused and oblivious to the game" and how it was "so damn cute the way he asked me 'Dean what's a strike? Why are they called the Angels, they don't even look like real angels?'" Dean laughed, trying to mimick Cas' raspy and deep voice. "Because that's just the name of the team Cas, The Angels." He went on and on about Cas and how great he was, how smart, oh so smart Cas was. Sometimes when they had nothing to do, Dean would rest his head on Cas' lap, feet perched up on the end of the couch, and Cas would read to him. Whether it was poetry, novels, or even the newspaper, the sound of Cas' voice sent shivers down his spine and yet, it calmed him. He'd fall asleep to his voice and Cas would work his strength to carry Dean to another crummy motel bed and they'd sleep all night. Or another thing, Dean had asked Cas if he had a birthday, or if he knew when he was born. Cas would answer with a intellectual response such as"Dean I'm billions of years old, the dates were diff-" and Dean would interrupt him with a kiss. So Dean decided to throw him a tiny birthday party, just him and Cas. He remembered Cas' face when he opened the gift he gave him. It wasn't a look of joy of happiness, but more of the _Castiel_ look. The confusion spread across his face as he examined the gift. "Dean what is it?"  
"It's a guitar Cas!" Dean excalimed and excitedly moved over to help him open the box that contained it.  
"Guitar....and..and what do you do with it?"  
"You make music Cas" Dean explained as he strummed it, cringing at the sound the guitar made, sounded like a screeching cat.  
"No offense Dean but that was awful" Cas laughed, covering his ears.  
"It's cause you need to tune it" Dean told him, twisting the knobs and strumming each string one by one till it sounded nice and soothing. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cas hint a smile and then wrapped his arms around Dean's waist.

_When I find myself in times of trouble_  
 _Mother Mary comes to me_  
 _Speaking words of wisdom, let it be_  
Dean sang, strumming the guitar lightly, Cas' head rested against his shoulder.  
 _And in my hour of darkness_  
 _She is standing right in front of me_  
 _Speaking words of wisdom, let it be_  
He looked over at Cas and smiled back at him, and continued to sing:  
 _Let it be, let it be_  
 _Let it be, let it be_  
 _Whisper words of wisdom, let it be_

He smiled and stopped playing the guitar. Cas whispered "That was brilliant" and proceeded to kiss him on the forehead. They made slow love that night, rocking the bed and moving some furniture. Dean taught him to play the guitar and Cas grew a liking for it. That was all just a faded and painful memory now.  
The rest of the drive was dreadful, it was hot and humid inside the car, for the AC didn't work.  
"Hey Bobby how long till we're there?" Dean asked, wiping at the sweat that formed on his forehead.  
"Just another hour maybe less" he answered, taking his cap off that grew damp from the sweat.  
When they arrived in Kansas, memories of his childhood flashed through his head. He didn't want to be here, he dreaded it, but if it meant seeing Sam again, he didn't mind. When they arrived at the house, it was 8 pm and still humid.  
"And how do you know for sure that he's gonna be here?" asked Dean, taking the bag of weapons from the trunk.  
"Oh, he's been hiding out here apparently" Bobby explained, grbabing his shotgun. He cocked it and walked over to the house. It had already been dark, nobody was out.  
"And what exactly are we gonna do when we see him? How are we gonna make Sam Sam again?" he asked, following Bobby and looking around for any spectators.  
"Apparently there's a certain type of dagger, dipped in the blood of an angel that can kill him" he explained.  
"Whoa whoa whoa, wait wait Bobby, _kill_?" Dean asked, disconcerted.  
"Yes _kill_ " he told him.  
"Bobby, we're not just gonna go in there and kill Sammy. That's my brother. He's still my brother Bobby" he shouted.  
 Bobby didn't say another word and opened the unlocked door. The house looked big because there was little to no furniture.  
"Sammy!" Dean shouted  
"Are you crazy? Why'd you do that?" Bobby yelled at Dean, but he didn't listen, he ran upstairs to the room where Sam once was held captive.  
"Hey Dean" a familiar voice crept behind him. He turned around to find Sam in the same white suit, smiling, hair slightly longer.  
"Jeez Sammy, would you care to cut your hair for once?" he hinted a laugh.  
"You fool" Sam laughed, "I'm Lucifer."  
 Dean shook his head in disbelief, he refused to believe it.  
"No" he exclaimed, lifting his chin up, flaring his nostrils, "you are not Lucifer. I know you're in there."  
"Oh Dean, don't get your hopes too high, Sam...he's still in here, I can feel him kicking and screaming away in here, quite annoying but I've learned to live with it." he smiled.  
"You sonofabitch, let Sammy go!" Dean yelled.  
"Dean!" Bobby shouted as he entered the room, eyes widening at the the sight of Sam.  
"What are you doing here?" Sam snarled.  
"Here for you" Bobby answered, flaunting a dagger around.  
"I won't let that happen" Sam said angrily, snapped his fingers, and that was that for Bobby. He combusted and vanished in thin air.  
"Sam!" Dean shouted and pushed him against the wall.  
"Do you really wanna do that Dean?" Sam smiled menacingly as he wrung Dean's neck. Dean gasped for air , squirming in Sam's tight grip. Sam let him go and he fell to the ground.  
"Now, what were you saying?" Sam smiled, walking toward Dean who crawled himself into a corner.  
"Sam please, please don't do this, I know you're in there" Dean murmurred, hand reaching out for him.  
"I'm not Sam!" he shouted and struck Dean's face, then struck it again, and again, and again. He kicked his side, kicking him into the wall.  
"S-ammy.." Dean whispered loudly, blood streaming down his face.  
 "Hey Sam, I know you're in there, ple-ase it's me, it's Dean" he broke upon his words. Sam tilted his head and pressed his lips into a smile.  
 He lifted his hand to strike him with the dagger Dean had dropped. Dean closed his eyes and prepared himself. He waited and waited until he heard something hit the floor. Cautiously, he opened his eyes to find Sam's body on the floor. He stared confused and grew angry.  
"Sam! Sam!" but nothing happened. Not even Lucifer made a peep. Then he looked up at the shadow that casted over Sam's body.  
"Hello Dean" a familiar voice greeted. The body walked out of the darkness and into the dim light in the room. It was Cas.  
"No. I'm dreaming, I really am dreaming" Dean whispered to himself.  
"You're not dreaming babe" Cas smiled and walked towards Dean. His clothes were bloody and reeked of death and dirt. He had no coat, his scruff was a beard, messy hair that curled over his ears. His smile was bright still, eyes bluer than ever.  
"Cas" Dean muttered in shock.  
"Dean" ne nodded, smiling.  
"You...you killed my brother" he snarled.  
"Dean, he killed me first" he answered.  
"But Cas that's my brother!" he yelled. "I'll kill you I swear to God!" Dean shouted and ran towards Cas, pinning him against a wall, and this time, there was no love involved, pure hate.  
"Dean please.." Cas begged, trying to push him back.  
"Cas you sonofabitch!" he screamed and pushed him on the floor. Cas shot up and pinned Dean up against the wall. "You know I could kill you easily Dean. But I never would. Dean, it's me. I saved you, again. There's no way Sam would come back, there's no way Lucifer would ever let him free, that was his vessel. Understand that Dean" he explained  
"Cas" Dean whispered, clenching on to his half buttoned down shirt. "Cas I love you."  
 Dean smiled faintly as Cas' nose brushed his, loosening his grip.  
"I love you too Dean" he whispered, pressing his lips aginst Dean's. They embraced tighter than they ever have.

"God Cas I've missed you" Dean gasped through kisses, "how did you get back to me?"

"Remember Dean, I've always been watching over you, I fought the angels, I won, I found you" he whispered into Dean's ear.

"I missed you so much Cas, Jesus." he told him, violently kissing him, pulling his waist closer to his. "I love you so much Cas please never leave me again, please. Let's leave and never hunt again and we can just settle down in a house somwhere, I don't know where, just somewhere" Dean spoke rapidly, trying to control his excitement.

"I love you too Dean" he kissed his forehead softly. The fuzz of his beard swept over Dean's face, making him calm down, "I won't leave you."

"Cas" Dean whispered.

"Yes Dean?" he asked, staring into Dean's eyes.

"We need to bury Sam. I don't...I don't care if that was Lucifer in there, we need to bury him" Dean choked on his words.

"Yes I agree" Cas nodded as he put his hands on his hips and stared at the body. "And I am truly sorry about your brother Dean. If I didn't do anything about it, you wouldn't be here right now, and he probably woulda killed me..again."

"Just let's not talk about it, you know I'm always gonna be upset for you killing Sam, but I know it was for the right reason...I guess" Dean replied shaking with a bit of unforgiveness.

He agreed and they picked up Sam's vessel and walked towards where the backyard had been. Dean used a shovel from the back of Bobby's truck and dug yet another grave. He cried and cried while digging the hole so much that Cas had to hold him from falling again.

"Dean, Dean please just, settle your nerves" Cas shushed him, resting his chin on the top of Dean's head while rubbing his back up and down softly.

"You don't understand Cas, you just don't understand. This is my brother" Dean whispered.

"What do you mean I don't understand? I've killed all of my brothers and sisters in heaven Dean, it was the only way to get back to _you_. The only ones who let me go free were Gabriel and Balthazar, and they're watching over me right now" Cas explained.

"But Cas.."

"Dean, just do what you have to. Things will be okay in the end I promise" Cas reassured him as Dean dug the rest of the grave. When he finished, they properly placed his lifeless body into the grave, white suit stained with _Sam's_ blood. They placed a rose that peeked out of the ground on top of Sam's chest. 

"I need to...I need to be alone to say my goodbyes Cas" Dean told him politely.

"Alright Dean, I'll wait inside, just..just call me if you need me, you know I'll be there" Cas whispered in his ear as he kissed the side of his head and walked inside.

Dean waited till Cas was inside to say what he had to say. "Hey Sammy, if you can hear this, I wanna let you know I'm sorry. I failed you Sam, I didn't watch over you. I'd give anything to be in your place right now. How am I supposed to live with myself?" Dean spoke, tears gliding down his cheeks, "If dad were here right now, he'd be so mad at the both of us, I'd take the blame because it's my _jo_ _b_ to watch over you. It's my job to make sure you wake up everyday, with a smile on your face, and now look at you. If you ever want your revenge on someone, if you become vengeful in this house, don't bother anyone else, wait for me, then you can take me. You can kill me. Don't kill Cas, he was only protecting me and you, kill me. It's _my_ fault that you're six feet under now Sammy, mine" he wiped the tears from his face and grabbed the shovel, "I love you bitch" he weeped and filled up the grave. He felt Cas' arms wrap around his waist and his head in the crevice of his neck and shoulder.

"Let's go Cas, I need to get out of here" Dean told him.

* * *

The road to Bobby's house was long and quiet. Cas had fallen asleep on Dean's shoulder. Dean wrapped his arm around his sleeping angel. Tears streamed down his face whenever Sam or Bobby popped up in his head. The scent of Bobby lingered in the car which made it all the more painful. Cas woke up and he talked to Dean, asked how he was, what he'd been up to the whole time he'd been gone. It did make Dean feel better, to hear that deep and raspy voice of Cas', to look into those eyes that he'd always been lost in, to kiss the soft texture of his lips. He didn't cry the rest of the time.

When they arrived back at Bobby's house at 3 AM, Cas had taken a shower and shaved for the first time. Neither of them were tired, surprisingly.

"Here Cas" Dean said and handed him the dirty trenchcoat.

"I can't believe you saved it, I've missed it so much" Cas smiled as he studied it.

"You just, you just need to wash it, as well as the rest of your clothes, but we'll do that tomorrow" said Dean. He had been in his briefs as had Cas, who wore some of Dean's since his were extremely worn out. Dean sat on the couch, looking around and trying to get used to the silence. Cas noticed the weariness on his face and walked over to him. He placed himself next to him and kissed his cheek, bringing his face against his and kissing is lips.

"I've missed your touch" Cas told him, smiling. Dean's eyes were fixed on Cas' plump lips, and forgot how extremely sexy Cas looked when he was clean shaven.

"I missed your...your everything" Dean laughed relaxing back against the couch, flipping the TV on. Cas fell back with him and his hands stayed fixed on Dean's chest, head leaning on his shoulder.

" _Everything?_ " Cas giggled, striding his hand down towards Dean's bulge and gently squeezing it.

Dean grunted and enjoyed it, "Yes everything Cas" he smiled. Cas mimicked the smile and climbed on top of Dean, arms wrapped around his neck, knees on both sides of Dean. He leaned in to catch Dean's lips and the warmness of the kiss set him off. They were tangled in each others' tongues with no escape. Their bare skin rubbed up against each other, bulges growing hard. Dean stood up, holding Cas by his thighs, Cas' arms still wrapped around Dean's neck. Still kissing, Dean walked to an empty room with a bed that hadn't been used in years. Before going to the bed, he pinned Cas against a wall, still holding him up, kissing his face and neck and biting at his shoulders.

"God I missed this Cas" he muttered between each kiss. Cas didn't answer but sighed and gasped, hands running through Dean's hair. He took Cas over to the bed and they let go of each other, Cas falling on the bed with Dean towering over him. Dean took his boxers off and proceeded to strip Cas of his too. Cas' legs dangled off the bed and Dean dropped to his knees on the floor as he took in Cas' throbbing cock. He sucked him better than he ever had. He missed the sound of Cas' sighs and moans. He missed the way Cas would squirm in bed, make so much noise and the way he'd beg for more. He tried to give Cas the best he would ever have, as if it would be the last time they'd ever have sex because at this point, he didn't know who he'd lose next. He hadn't come up for breath yet, he kept sucking and slurping, choking himself. When he did come up for air, he gasped loud enough to echo throughout the room, then he went for round 2. Cas arched his back and dug his nails into the mattress. He squeezed his eyes shut and moaned Dean's name. He too, missed the way Dean sucked him, the way he teased him and talked dirty. He missed his touch and voice and the sound of his aggressive grunts. He'd come up for air again and kissed Cas' hipbones and the indentation of his V-line. He sucked the skin, leaving red marks. He made his way up to Cas' mouth, slipping his tongue inside , the heat of the kiss sending a rush of excitement down his spine. He turned Cas over gently, lips still attatched. Cas exhaled slowly and took a deep breath of air in as Dean entered him. He leaned down to kiss Cas' neck before thrusting.

"C'mon babe" Cas pleaded. And Dean did. He went really slow, letting Cas know he missed him immensely, hands holding onto his shoulders. He didn't speed up because he wanted Cas to really know that he was there for him, that he understood him and missed him. Cas' body wormed up and down, clenching the sheets.

"Dean" he moaned loudly, "faster babe."

Dean obeyed, thrusting harder and faster. the bed began to screech. They didn't care how loud they were because this was their time and nobody was around, just them two. Dean sighed with every thrust of his hips, maneuvering deeper inside of Cas, hitting his prostate with ease and Cas yelped out. He opened his mouth, trying to yell but nothing came out. Dean fell on Cas' back, sliding in and out of him, head resting against Cas' back. Cas groaned loudly and Dean could feel the vibration of his voice through his back. He moved with Cas' body, pulling him up by the shoulders and fucking him even harder. Slapping skins echoed throughout the room and moans grew louder, so loud, Dean swore the neighbors way down the road could hear them. Sweat fell from Cas' forehead as he flared his nostrils and sucked in through his teeth.

"Fuck Cas..." Dean moaned as his thrusts became unsteady and out of rythym. Cas began to jerk himself hastily while Dean had pulled out. Cas turned to face Dean and they came together, moaning simultaneously until they were out of breath and fatigued. Dean fell on top of Cas and panted in his ear, nibbling at his earlobe.

"That was the best Cas" Dean smiled and ran his fingers over Cas' chest, "the best we've ever had might I add." 

Cas nodded and laughed, "yeah it was, it's been far too long."

"It really has" they laughed and Dean slipped off of him, laying next to him. Cas scooted under his arm and wrapped both of his around Dean.

"Let's lay here forever Dean" Cas whispered, kissing the side of his chest.

"That would be great babe" Dean agreed as the stared at each other. He brushed Cas' longer hair back, "and you need a haircut, ain't no way in hell your hair will ever be as long as Sammy's" he laughed.

 Cas laughed back, "okay Dean, as long as you do it for me tomorrow."

"No way I'm no barber" Dean chuckled, fixing Cas' short curls behind his ear.

"Well then," Cas said,"I guess I'm not cutting it."

"Oh you sonofabitch fine, come here" Dean smiled and pulled him in for a long kiss goodnight.  
 "Don't you go leaving me again Cas, please" Dean told him, worry in his voice.

"I promise you I won't Dean" Cas assured him. Dean grunted in acknowledgement as he began to fall asleep. "And I'll see what I can do about bringing Sam back" he finished, but Dean was too tired to hear it, and they fell asleep together, just like old times.

The next day would be the beginning of everything.


	11. You're Here Again

Cas and Dean slept better than they ever had in their time of being together. Cas frequently woke up when he found himself slipping off the bed or strayed too far away from Dean. He'd reposition himself and wrap his arms around Dean and most of the time, Dean would wake up and they'd stare at each other for 10 minutes or so, kissing at the brush of their lips, hand in hand. Cas would smile in the middle of a kiss and then Dean would follow, pulling his hair gently. Cas would trace out 'Dean' with his finger on Dean's chest. He'd grab Cas' finger and kiss the tip of it and rest it on his lips.

"Good to have you next to me again" Dean whispered on his finger, and Cas would smile to let him know he agreed. Then they'd fall back asleep and repeat it an hour later. 

* * *

 

Dean woke up at 12 making sure not to wake up Cas who was still sleeping comfortably. Dean thought he looked really  _sexy_. The way his hair curled over his ears, the way it rested on his pillow. His body, so fit and muscular, his lips that were barely parted, the way his stomach flowed with every breath he took. Dean could stare at him all day, but he wanted to cook breakfast as a welcome back gesture. He scrimmaged through the food Bobby had in his fridge and began to cook up some eggs and bacon. He didn't even know if Cas ate this stuff, but he wanted to do something for him. He wanted to stay in all day and have sex or cuddle, or have Cas read to him. Dean, in his briefs, lazily cooked the food, rubbing his eyes as the aroma flooded the house. Cas woke up and walked to the opening of the kitchen, standing at the door in his briefs, trying to open his eyes. Dean hadn't seen him and continued to cook whilst singing  _Let It Be._ Cas quietly walked behind Dean and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"I love it when you sing" he smiled and kissed his jawline. Dean smirked and continued cooking. He closed his eyes and listened to Dean's voice. He liked the way the way it sent vibrations through his body. Dean turned around and picked Cas up, holding him by his thighs. He pressed against his lips and sang  _Let It Be, Let It Be, Oh Let It Be,_  and Cas whispered back,  _Whisper words of wisdom, let it be_. Dean closed his eyes and smiled as he kissed Cas gently, placing him on the top of a clean counter. Cas' arms wrapped around Dean's neck and their heads bobbed back and forth, not coming up for air. Cas pulled him closer, hands moving down to his butt. He slipped his hands under the elastic and left them there for a while as they continued to exchange kisses and twist tongues. Dean raised his knee and pressed against Cas' bulge which made him whimper. Dean pulled Cas' head back, fixing his lips on his neck and down to his chest. He pecked his way down to his v-line, breathing all around his pelvis, looking up at Cas before he pulled his briefs down and dropped them to the floor. Cas' hard cock was already waiting for Dean's mouth. Cas became impatient and pushed Dean's head into his cock and Dean sucked on it quickly and good. He dropped his head back and placed his hands on the counter to hold himself up. His eyes shut tight and exhaled with every suck Dean gave him. His stomach waved in and out out of rythym. He lifted his hand to his hair and pushed it back, biting his lip and letting his hand fall back on the counter. His exhales grew louder, they turned into whimpers and moans. Dean jerked his cock hastily, standing up and leaning over to kiss Cas unil he came. He lifted his head up and moaned loudly, echoing throughout the kitchen. Dean kissed the bottom of his chin and brushed against his neck and torso. He felt the come lathered over his hands and he wiped it on Cas' stomach. He brought his head back down to meet Dean's lips. 

"Jeez Cas" Dean laughed into his mouth.

"What?" Cas smiled.

"I don't know you were just, very loud" he answered, still hovering over him, lips brushed against Cas' nose.

"It's hard to be quiet when you're so damn good" Cas flirted, kissing him before he finished talking.

Dean laughed, tickling at Cas' sides which made him laugh uncontrollably.

"Dean it smells like fire" Cas interrupted. Dean's eyes widened.

"Oh shit it's the food!" he shouted and scurried over to the pan that contained burnt-to-a-crisp bacon and eggs. He lifted the pan and made a frowny face that made Cas chuckle. "I wanted to make you breakfast, I"m sorry" he said, throwing the food away.

"No it's okay Dean" Cas replied as he fixed his briefs back around his waist.

"Can I take you out?" asked Dean.

"I guess so" Cas smiled.

* * *

Dean drove Cas to nearest diner to eat some lunch. Cas wore some of Dean's jeans and a plain shirt, still with the coat, but this time it was clean and smelled like laundry detergent. The  pants were too baggy for him which made him pull them up with almost every step he took. 

"Hey maybe we'll get you some clothes later Cas" Dean told him as he opened the door for him, "and a haircut tomorrow," They walked hand in hand while the waitress escorted them to their booth.

"What's the occasion?" she asked, placing some menus in front of them.

"Oh, nothing, we're just here" Dean answered.

"Are you two married?" she asked, looking at their hands that were attatched across the table. Dean lifted his eyebrows and almost choked on his own laugh. "Nooo. No we're not...we're not married" he chuckled.

"Not yet" Cas added, Dean widened his eyes and posed a smile for the waitress.

"Well best of luck to you two" she smiled and walked away.

"Not yet?" Dean mimicked Cas' voice.

"Aren't we going to get married Dean?" he asked confused.

"Cas...that's a big step forward and I don't..I don't kn-"

"It's fine" Cas interrupted and looked away. Dean could tell he was hurt.

"Cas look, just now's not a good time okay? And if we're gonna get  _married_ , I wanted to be able to ask you in a special way ya know?" he replied, looking through his menu even though he knew he was gonna get a burger and fries. Cas looked back at him and nodded.

"Hey, I love you" Dean said to him. 

Cas smiled, "I love you too Dean" and they shared a kiss over the table.

They ordered their food and shared conversations about old times and Sam. Dean wouldn't shut up about Sam. He'd go on and on about how he had such a great future ahead of him at Stanford with Jess and everything else. How he coulda had the life he wanted, the life he left for. Cas saw the tears form in the corners of his eyes and he got up to sit next to him and shush him. Dean rested his head on Cas' shoulders as Cas rubbed his head and pecked his forehead.

"It's okay Dean" he calmed him.

"No Cas, no it's not, it's  _my_ fault, don't you get it?" Dean exclaimed loud enough for the other 2 people in the diner to turn and look.

"Dean, you couldn't help it, he was in his own world and you did everything you could to he-"

"NO CAS! ALL I DID WAS ABANDON HIM TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT ME!" Dean yelled as he shot up and rushed to his car. Those words were like another angel dagger stabbing through Cas' heart. His face flushed from embarrassment as he tried to hold back tears. He got up quickly and walked out, but the car was already gone. He had no other choice but to walk 3 miles back.

In the car, Dean blared his radio and cried like a baby, with no shoulder to cry on. Immediately he regretted saying that to Cas because he loved him very much and he hated himself even more for hurting him. He banged the steering wheel several times, cursing out loud as he drove back to Bobby's house. He debated whether or not he should go get Cas but once he entered the house, he fell asleep on the couch. 

About an hour later, Cas showed up, exhausted. Dean woke up when he heard the door shut.

"Cas" Dean said.

"Yes Dean" Cas answered.

"I'm so sorry babe" Dean began to cry, running and picking up Cas.

"I deserved it Dean" Cas answered, trying to let himself down.

"Don't you say that Castiel" Dean demanded as he held him tight, "don't you dare say that." Cas closed his eyes and grasped Dean's jacket, letting Dean pick him up as he wrapped his legs around Dean. He planted his face into Cas' neck and breathed in and out, sucking onto his skin. He slowly removed Cas' clothes, still breathing hard into his neck. Cas pulled on Dean's hair, easing his way out of his clothes. He buried his nose in Dean's hair, inhaling the smell of it and kissing the top of his forehead. "You don't deserve to be treated the way I treated you over there" he gasped, resting his nose on the curveture of his neck. They slowly moved over to the bedroom, bumping into walls and knocking over sidetables, breaking glass. Dean stepped back and fell onto the bed with Cas on top of him. Cas ripped Dean's jacket off and unbuttoned his plaid shirt. He pulled off the white shirt that fit his body ever so tightly.

"Cas punish me please" Dean begged, pulling on his arm. "I'm such a dick to you, make me feel bad for it, make me regret it even more." He dug his face into Dean's chest, grasping and sucking on his skin. He kissed every inch of his stomach, biting the elastic of his briefs and pulling them down with his teeth. He wrapped his fingers around his cock and jerked it slowly and proceeded to shove it in his mouth. Dean immediately clenched onto the sheets and he inhaled loudly. Cas sucked on his cock while he jerked his own. Slurping noises echoed throughout the room and Dean's moans pleased Cas. He pulled it out of his mouth and stood up. "C'mon Cas" Dean panted, breathing out of rythym. Cas violently turned him on his stomach while leaning over to kiss Dean's shoudler blades. He stroked his cock twice gently and entered Dean. He put his hands on the side of Dean and thrusted inward and outward. He heard Dean's soft whimpers and grunts and lowered his head next to his ear and kissed the tip of it. He thrusted harder and harder with every moan Dean made. He latched onto Dean's hair and pulled his head back. "Mmmph Cas" he breathed as Cas banged him aggressively. Cas pushed Dean backed down into the bed, his face pressed against the mattress. Cas gripped tightly onto Dean's shoulders, fucking him hard and making him whine. His skin slapped against Dean's as he grunted and dropped his head back. Sweat formed on his forehead and he wiped it quickly with his arm. He fell on top of Dean's bare back and brushed his nose along his spine. Dean whimpered and moaned louder. His moans turned into yells as Cas pounded him. He inhaled and breathed loudly on his back, leaving moisture on his skin. He moved in rythym with Dean's body, trying to hold him down whenever he tried to arch his back up. Dean loved it. He loved the way Cas was being rough with him and how he took control, it made the sex 10 times better. Cas grew limp and raised up. He squeezed Dean's butt cheeks as he thrusted as fast as he could, clenching his teeth and grunting through them. He grew out of rythym and pulled out on Dean and slowly came on his lower back as Dean came on the bed sheets. Cas stroked his cock a few times to get every bit out. He wiped his forehead of sweat and walked to pick up his shirt from the floor. Dean turned over and rested on his elbows. Cas came over and cleaned himself as well as Dean. He was soon pulled in for a kiss and was back on top of Dean, kissing him gently. 

"I love you Cas" Dean whispered while Cas still kissed his chin and bit his bottom lip.

"I love you too Dean" Cas mumbled between kisses. They fell back on the bed kissing each others' cheeks and intertwining their fingers together. They stared at the ceiling, hand in hand catching their breath. Dean pulled Cas closer and Cas pressed his nose to Dean's side, whispering _I love you_. 

"I promise I won't let myself get like that again Cas, I'm so sorry" Dean apologized, stroking Cas' back with the tips of his fingers.

"Don't be sorry, I know you're going through a hard time, but I've got a surprise for you Dean" he smiled with his teeth as he stared into Dean's eyes. He smiled back at Cas and met his blue eyes. His toothy grin calmed to a half smile.

"What is it?" asked Dean, surprised.

"Can't tell you yet" Cas laughed.

"Oh come on, tell me" Dean replied, putting his free hand on Cas' cheek and stroking it with his thumb.

"No" Cas said.

"Oh fine then" Dean smiled and planted a kiss on his lips and they fell asleep together.

* * *

After their nap, Cas being the first to wake, took a stroll out to the Impala to see if Dean still had his guitar. He wore his briefs and one of Dean's long shirts that sagged to the top of his knees outside. He struggled with opening the car as it grew dark outside.

"What are you doing Cas?" he heard Dean's voice from the front door, making his way out to him.

"I was just looking for uhh.." Cas said as he continued to fumble with the keys.

"For what?" Dean smiled, taking the keys from him and opening the trunk.

"My guitar" he answered.

"Oh, that? That's inside" he told him, closing the trunk and picking him up and running playfully inside the house. He raced over to the couch and tossed Cas down, kissing the tip of his nose. "I'll get it for you" he smiled and walked to the closet.

"Here" he said, handing it to him with a pick.

"Still looks beautiful" Cas noted, observing every angle of the acoustic guitar.

"Looks even more beautiful when you hold it" Dean laughed as he sat next to Cas, wrapping one arm around his lower waist, resting his chin on his shoulder, waiting for Cas to play something.

"I might be a little rusty" Cas smiled, strumming it and the sound echoed throughout the living room.

"Play me something" Dean pleaded.

"Um, okay" said Cas, fixing his fingers into a chord, trying to remember how to play Let It Be. He started out slow and rusty but as he progressed, it sounded clean and soothing. Dean closed his eyes and enjoyed the sound of the guitar vibrate in his chest. Halfway into the song, Dean chimed in:

_And when the broken hearted people_  
 _Living in the world agree_  
 _There will be an answer, let it be_  
 _For though they may be parted_  
 _There is still a chance that they will see_  
 _There will be an answer, let it be_  
 _Let it be, let it be_  
 _Let it be, let it be_  
 _Yeah there will be an answer, let it be_  
 _Let it be, let it be_  
 _Let it be, let it be_  
 _Whisper words of wisdom, let it be_

_  
_Cas laughed and stopped playing.

"What, am I that bad?" Dean laughed back, kssing his cheek.

"No, no it sounds good it's just.." Cas sighed admiringly, leaning back into Dean's embrace, "I missed this" he closed his eyes, "a _lot_."

Dean smiled and kissed him again, "so did I Cas. It's been way too long."

"You're amazing" Cas whispered and kissed Dean's lips from the side.

"You're great _baby_ " Dean chuckled, knowing Cas would say something witty as a response. He just grunted in annoyance but couldn't stay that way with Dean. He put his guitar down and curled up next to him.

"Read to me Cas" Dean mumbled in his ear.

"Not now" Cas sighed, rubbing Dean's thigh.

"Ple-ease" Dean pleaded.

"Let me just enjoy this moment Dean" Cas answered.

"Okay" Dean smiled.

They sat, staring at each other and shared small talk. They didn't have to talk to each other to enjoy being with one another. The sensation of touching and kissing and staring was enough for them.

"Let's watch a movie Cas" Dean whispered.

"mhmm" Cas nodded as his head rested on Dean's chest.  
 Dean got up slowly and took a movie out of his duffel bag. He raised it to show Cas. It was _The Avengers_. Cas nodded in approval even though he didn't really care, as long as Dean was happy. He popped the movie in and made popcorn as it loaded. He sat back down and Cas repositioned himself to cuddle up next to him. He grabbed a blanket that had been on the couch and fixed it over them two and switched the lamp off on the side table.

Throughout the movie Cas asked his usual curious questions. "Dean, I'm pretty sure Loki and Thor don't look like that, trust me I've seen them" and Dean would roll his eyes because he was too cute and oblivious to pop culture. Dean would have to pause the movie and explain to Cas who they were and how they were based off of comic books which usually led to more questions, but Cas would listen to Dean so closely and nod his head when he finally understood. Sometimes the loud noise would hurt Cas' ears and he'd hide under the blanket and cover his ears and Dean would laugh because it was just too damn cute.  
 "You know Dean, you kind of look like that Captain America fellow, except you're far more attractive" Cas would smile and wait for a kiss. Dean fed him popcorn. He even had to make 2 more bags because Cas, discovering the taste of popped corn was the next best thing to happen to him. They grew tired at the end of the movie and decided it was time for bed since it had been 1 AM. 

"Just go to bed Cas, I'll be there right now, I just gotta lock up and check salt lines and Devil's Traps" Dean shouted across the house. But Cas waited for him on the couch. He pretended he was asleep so Dean would carry him to bed.

"Oh Cas" Dean laughed, lifting him up from the couch "you sonofabitch you're not asleep" he chuckled and kissed his chin. Cas couldn't help but smile and kiss back as Dean carried him. Randomly, he heard a knock on the door and turned around attentively.

"Cas go to the room" he demanded, putting him down to get a gun from his bag.  
"No way" Cas shook his head, holding onto Dean's arm.

"Cas, please" Dean pleaded, walking to the door quietly, gun raised.

"No Dean" he said back. Dean sighed and tried to look out of the window next to the door, he realized it had been pouring outside, but he couldn't see who was at the door. Dean glanced at Cas who was struck with fear as he opened the door, gun pointed straight out.

"Dean?" a familiar voice called gently.  
 Dean dropped his gun and his mouth grew wide.

"Sam!?" he shouted, smiling.


	12. Welcome Back

 

 

"Dean" Sam sighed in relief, opening his arms for a well needed Winchester hug. Dean let go of Cas and ran into the hug, gripping Sam tight and not letting go.

"Sammy, oh Sammy how did you get here?" Dean asked while tears glided down his cheek.

"I..I don't know I just kinda woke up....and my instinct was to come here, where's Bobby?" Sam asked, letting go of Dean and making his way into the house, giving Cas a weird look.

"Bobby, you, you don't remember? You killed him, Sam" Dean told him as he shut the door.

"I..I what?" Sam asked, shocked.

"You don't remember? You let Lucifer in, you killed Bobby when Lucifer was inside of you Sam, you don't remember?" asked Dean.

"N-no" he answered, staring at Cas curiously, "and who are you?" he asked Cas and Cas squinted his eyes in confusion.

"Sam, it's me, it's Cas" he explained, holding onto one of his shoulders.

"Sam, do you remember anything?" asked Dean, growing worried.

"No, well, not much, Cas...sounds so...so familiar" he mumbled, scratching his head.

"Dean can I talk to you?" asked Cas, motioning to the hallway. Dean nodded and excused himself from Sam.

"What's going on?" Dean asked, scared.

"I..I don't know Dean you see this was supposed to be, a surprise but..."

"A surprise?  _This_ was your surprise to me?"

"Yes, well, no, I mean yes but I didn't expect him to come here tonight or, or for him not to remember me or anything else" he explained.

"Shit Cas, so you resurrected him?"

"Not entirely, Sam, he, he just  _can't_ die" Cas explained, lowering his tone so Sam wouldn't hear, "he's a chosen one, he  _can't_ die"

"So you knew this whole time Cas?!"

"No!" he shouted and calmed himself, "I wasn't entirely sure Dean, I..I didn't wanna tell you and get your hopes up."

Dean frowned, it wasn't Cas' fault. "Why doesn't he remember anything then?" Dean asked sadly as Cas grabbed his hands and rubbed his palm with his thumb.

"I don't know Dean, but I might be able to restore some of his memory, if I haven't completely fallen" Cas told him, inching closer to Dean who began to sniffle. "I'm sorry Dean, please don't be mad at me."

Dean shushed him and pulled him close, "I'm not mad at you Cas, you're doing what you can and that's all that matters" he answered and kissed his forehead. Cas kissed back and walked back to Sam who sat on the couch patiently.

"Sammy, Cas is gonna try something on you real quick, maybe you'll remember after he's done" Dean told him while planting himself next to his brother.

"Wait, what?" Sam murmurred and moved hastily away from Cas. 

"Don't fear me Sam, I won't hurt you" he said in a lush tone. 

"Is it gonna hurt?" asked Sam, gulping nervously.

"Just let me try okay" Cas explained and put his palm to Sam's forehead, pressing firmly as Sam groaned. Waves of what felt like electric shocks rushed through Sam's body, his forehead burned and stung and he clenched onto the couch.

"Cas stop you're hurting him!" Dean shouted. Cas didn't listen, his eyes shone brighter than they ever have and blood began to drip from his nose. Suddenly, he fell to the floor and passed out. Sam fell back to the couch, holding his head and moaning in mild pain. Dean didn't know if he should stay with Sam or check on Cas.

Hesitating, he scurried on the floor and lifted Cas onto his knees.

"Not again Cas! No!" Dean shouted as tears filled up the bottom of his eyes. Cas wasn't breathing, he layed lifeless yet again in Dean's arms. "I can't lose you again!" he yelled, clenching Cas' shirt.

"Is Cas okay?" asked Sam, holding his head and dropping to his knees.

Dean shook his head and huffed and puffed into Cas' shirt. 

"Dean it'll be okay" Sam put his hand on his brother's shoulder to comfort him.

"No Sam! You don't understand I  _just_ got him back!" Dean cried. All of a sudden, Cas' body loudly gasped for air, gripping onto Dean's shirt.

"Cas?" Dean exclaimed, putting his hands to Cas' face.

"Dean" Cas mumbled, reaching out for his cheek.

"Cas are you okay?" asked Dean, wiping away his tears.

"I'm okay Dean" he smiled, trying to maintain his breathing.

"What was that about Cas?" asked Sam.

"I've cured you" he answered, looking up at Sam.

" _Cured?_ " he asked confused.

"Yeah I gave you your memory back" he said.

"I lost my memory?" he asked.

"Yeah" Cas laughed.

"Wow Cas, thanks, thank you" Sam nodded as he fixed his hair back.

"Thought I lost you again babe" Dean told him, rubbing Cas' cheek with his thumb.

"No" Cas smiled, holding onto Dean's hand.

Sam and Dean raised to their feet, helping Cas up to his and they sat on the couch, Sam sat on the recliner.

"It's really late" Dean mentioned, letting Cas rest his head in his lap.

"Yeah" Sam agreed.

"So, you remember everything now?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows.

Sam nodded again, taking his jacket off, "yeah I remember very well."

"Really" Dean nodded, puckering his lips and looking down at Cas who began to fall asleep in his lap.

"Look Dean if you're still mad at me for  _killing_ Cas, I'm sorry, it wasn't techinically my fault, okay?" he explained.

"No not for that, although I went through hell after that, Bobby and I did our best to find you, but more for you letting Lucifer in" he exclaimed sternly.

"Dean look-"

"No Sam. I'm happy that you're back, really I am, but don't think I won't forget what you've done" he told him, looking him straight in the eye.

"Dean I said I'm sorry, please, please don't hate me" he pleaded.

"No Sam, I'm never in my life going to hate you, even if you kill Cas again or someone else I'm close to, I won't hate you, you're my brother and I will always love you" he said, stumbling on his words, trying not to cry, "but I'm gonna have you on a real short leash for a very long time."

"I understand Dean" Sam nodded. Dean was the only father-figure in his life, the only person he had left. He didn't wanna let him down again, "Please do what you have to to keep me out of harm, and by harm I mean harm to myself and anyone around me."

Dean nodded, licking his lips and putting his hand out for Sam to shake. "I love you Sammy" Dean told him, holding onto his hand.

"I-I love you too Dean" Sam replied, puckering his lips up to refrain from crying.

* * *

An hour or so passed and they still sat in the living room talking about old times and trying to forget about Sam's wrong-doings. Every couple minutes or so, Sam would notice Dean looking Down at Cas, he saw him rub Cas' back gently. Sam noticed the look in Dean's eye whenever he looked at Castiel. He noticed a unique smile spread across Dean's face.

"You really love him don't you?" Sam asked, smiling. Dean looked back up at Sam and laughed and shook his head.

"You don't even know" he smiled back, looking back down at Cas and fixing his curls behind his ears.

"I can tell" he chuckled while staring at Dean's hands stroking Cas' back.

"And you guys...you guys like..you know" Sam shrugged with a slight smile.

Dean widened his eyes a bit but laughed innocently," me? him? No wa-ay" he joked.

"Uh-huh, sure" Sam bitch faced and laughed.

"Yeah" Dean sighed, looking admiringly at the sleeping Cas, "we've had some good times together" he explained.

"I'm happy for you two" he said.

"Thanks Sammy" Dean smiled loudly and glanced at him.

"You see yourself with him for like, ever?" he asked him curiously. Dean exhaled at the thought of it.

"Yeah, yeah I do" he nodded and scratched Cas' head.

"You gonna marry him?"

Dean looked over at Sam in shock, "jeez what are you, a walking Twenty-Questions?" 

"I'm just asking!" he exclaimed with a laugh. Dean, not wanting to say it out loud, fearing Cas would hear, nodded as a gesture of 'yes' and Sam smiled. "Good" he whispered, "when?" Dean sighed.

"Soon Sammy, soon" he told him. Cas had began to squirm on Dean's lap, repositioning himself and he had mumbled "Dean" in his sleep, placing one hand on Dean's chest and Dean held onto it, kissing the top of it.

"Cu-ute" Sam sang and Dean flipped him off jokingly.

"I'm gonna take him to bed and sleep okay?" Dean told him.

"Alright, I'll sleep out here for tonight" Sam answered.

"You sure Sam?" asked Dean, "you promise you'll be okay? You won't leave on me? Please promise me you won't" he begged.

"Dean, I promise" he nodded and yawned tiredly.

"Okay" Dean nodded, "I've got the house set up with Devil's traps and salt lines, we should be fine, and if you need me, Cas and I will be in the room across the hall" he said as he lifted himself off the couch, carrying Cas like a baby in his arms.

"Alright" Sam said, "and I won't hear anything funky like a squeaking bed right?" Sam laughed.

"Hmm, maybe not tonight, we've got our fix in" Dean winked and walked to the room. He placed Cas down and fixed the blanket over him. 

"Dean where're you going?" Cas asked, worried.

"Just gonna give Sam a blanket, I'll be back, go to sleep" Dean whispered, flciking the light switch off. Cas nodded and dropped his head back on the pillow.

"Here Sam" Dean said and gave him the blanket, "tomorrow you can take one of the other rooms" Dean explained, turning off the lamp that rested on the end table next to Sam who had moved over to the couch.

"Goodnight Dean, and thanks" Sam said and yawned and proceeded to close his eyes.

"Night Sammy" he whispered back, walking back to the room to snuggle close to Cas. He'd never been happier in his life, for he had the love of his life in bed with him, and his dearest brother in the living room.

* * *

 

The next morning Cas and Dean woke, the sun shining on their pale skin. Cas' knee bent over Dean's stomach and he held the crevice of the back of his knee. His head rested on Dean's chest and his hand curled around and over his shoulder. His free hand layed on his empty pillow. They layed there awake, not making a sound. Dean ran his fingers through Cas' long, blackish hair, his other hand still holding Cas' leg up. The blanket barely covered any of their bodies for it had fallen off them as they twisted and twirled in their sleep.

"Dean" Cas broke the long silence, rubbing his chest.

"Yeah Cas?"

"Are you happy that Sam is back?" he asked.

"Of course I am Cas, why would you ask that?" Dean asked, pushing his eyebrows together and trying to get Cas to look up at him.

"I don't know I'm just wondering" he answered.

"What...you don't think I'm gonna forget about you just because he's back do you?"

"Well...."

"Cas just don't worry, I'm still here aren't I? He's still my brother, but you're still my..." Dean paused, not sure knowing what to say.

"Your what?" Cas waited for him to say _boyfriend_.

"You're my..."

"Morning guys" Sam stood at the doorway in his boxers, yawning and scratching at his head.

"Hey Sammy!" Dean exclaimed sighing internally and thinking _Thank you for saving me from this awkward poistion_. Cas glared at Dean who hadn't answered.

"Morning Sam" Cas mumbled with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry was I, interrupting something?" he asked. Dean looked at Cas who was frowning and fidgeting with the threads that came loose from his briefs.

"Just give me 5 minutes" Dean told him.

"Sure" Sam shrugged and walked away, closing the door behind him.

"Cas what's your problem?" Dean asked.

"Nothing" Cas answered, still not looking at Dean.

"Then? Why are you acting all down?"

"Dean what am I to you?" asked Cas who finally met his eyes.

"Cas, don't do this" Dean shook his head.

"What am I to you Dean?" he asked again.

"Cas you know I love you and I-"

"Then?" Cas asked.

"Cas would you stop? What do you want me to say? You're my boyfriend! Is that what you wanna hear?" Dean shouted.

"Was it too hard to say?" Cas yelled back, noses brushing. They breathed heavily. Dean looking up and down at Cas' face. He leaned forward while gently holding onto Cas' cheek, kissing his lips.  
 Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and pulled him down, Dean falling on top of him, hands pressing into the mattress.

"I love you Dean" Cas breathed as Dean mouthed his neck roughly, leaving marks.

"Cas" Dean inhaled.  
 He didn't respond, he only moaned and pulled Dean's hair, "Cas will you marry me?" he asked subtly, still kissing his neck and leaving bite marks on his shoulder.

"What?" Cas asked softly.

"Marry me Cas, please" he inhaled again, sucking on the red marks. Cas opened his eyes and stopped Dean from continuing.

"Are you serious?" asked Cas, trying to hide a smile. He held onto Dean's cheek and pressed his nose against Dean's.

"Positive, please marry me" Dean shook his head, brushing their noses together and bit Cas' bottom lip, "please."

He let go of his lip to let Cas answer.

"Do you even have to ask?" Cas smiled, pulling Dean back down.

"Cas-" Dean mumbled between kisses from him, "Cas!" he exclaimed, trying to get him to stop kissing him. "Ca-as" Dean laughed as he was pulled and kissed and nibbled on. "Cas stop!"

"Wha-at?" Cas laughed, gently pushing Dean off him.

"I'd love to do this right now babe, but I promised Sam I'd be out in 5 minutes and look, it's been 20!" he explained, but Cas raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes.

"Oh c'mon Cas I promise we'll have a little fun tonight huh?" he said, kissing him a couple more times. Cas shrugged and kissed him back.

"Promise?" Cas puckered his lips and gave him the puppy eyes.

"Geez Cas you know I can't contain myself when you give me that look" Dean laughed and pushed him back down on the bed, removing their briefs.

Outside, Sam heard moans and the squeaky bed. He cringed everytime he heard the headboard bang the wall and everytime he heard Dean groan. Sam laughed to himself and shook his head, trying to block out the noise.

"Aaahhhhh!" Sam sang througout the living room.

About an hour later Cas and Dean came out of the room with messy hair, laughing, hand in hand.

"He-ey guys" Sam chanted.

"Oh, hey Sammy" Dean said, embarrassed, "look man I'm sorry it's just, he said yes to my proposal and-"

"Wait, what?" Sam exclaimed in surprise, "he said yes to..what?" hge asked, even though he could tell by the way Dean looked at Cas.

"Well I kinda asked him to marry me" Dean rolled his eyes and mumbled.

"Oh Dean, congratulations!" he shouted and hugged both of them tight.

"Yeah, yeah Sammy" Dean patted his back and shoved him away gently.

"When's the wedding" Sam joked.

"Sam! Please! I might have the hots for Cas but that doesn't mean I'm a....you know, flamer, I"m still _very_ manly" Dean told him. "And remember, you like guys too!" Dean told him.

"Okay Dean, fine, I'll stop" Sam sighed.

"Hey Cas! You wanna go out to eat?" asked Dean.

"Well, I kind of have some bad news" Cas stated and sat next to Dean who wrapped his arm around his waist.

"What is it babe?" he asked.

"Please don't be mad at me" said Cas, worried.

"Just tell me Cas, please" he pleaded. Cas sighed and tilted his head back.  
 "c'mon, babe."

"Well when I gave Sam his memory back, I..that little episode I had, I've fallen completely" he explained. Dean widened his eyes a bit and stared into Cas' eyes.

"Wha-d'you mean you've _fallen_?" he asked sternly.

"Well I'm completely human now" he replied ans Sam gasped.

"You're...you're what?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm human" he repeated, tears forming in his eyes.

"And why would I be mad?" asked Dean.

"I'm afraid you woudn't love me anymore" said Cas.

"I'm gonna take a shower" Sam interrupted to leave them alone.

"What do you mean I wouldn't love you Cas? You know I love you, I love you, I love _you_ " Dean whispered and kissed his lips gently. He pulled Cas on his lap and stroked his hair. "Nothing can make me stop loving you Cas."

Cas looked down in shame, his arms wrapped around Dean's neck. He gazed up, unintentionally giving Dean the puppy eyes, "not even...Sam?" he asked.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes, "not even Sam. I love you guys so much, both, so so much Cas, you don't even know. Just, I love you in a different way than I love Sam" he explained, brushing Cas' hair back with his fingers.

"I hate myself" Cas mumbled and looked away again.

"You what?" Dean asked disconcerted, "don't you ever say those words again Cas, you don't have anything to hate about yourself, don't do this for fucks sake we're gonna get married."

Cas pressed his lips to the side and sighed, "I don't feel like me without my wings and the ability to keep you safe anymore."

"Oh Cas" Dean cried and pulled him into his chest. He pulled on his hair and pressed his head against Cas', "I don't care if you can't protect me. We don't have to be in harm if we're gonna be here and live our life here, you understand? You're mine, I'm yours, there's nothing to protect. I love you" he said again and kissed the top of his head. He felt moisture on his chest and pulled up Cas' face cautiously. "Why are you crying babe?" he asked with tears forming in his eyes.

"I don't like myself Dean" he whimpered and fell back into Dean's chest, letting the tears stream down the bare skin.

"Cas don't you say that!" Dean shouted, grabbing Cas by his shoulders and shaking him. "Please babe!"

Cas began to hyperventilate and Dean wiped his tears away. "I'm s-orry De-an" he shivered and fell back into Dean's arms.

"I love you okay Cas" he whispered into his ear and pulled at his hair.  
 He felt Cas nod on his shoulder and inhale loudly. "Calm down baby" Dean told him, not realizing he said _baby_.

"De-ean" Cas grunted and smiled against Dean's skin.

"Sorry, force of habit" Dean smiled and kissed Cas.

"Hey gu-uys" Sam tilted his head as he awkwardly walked into the room not meaning to disturb them.

"And I don't care if you've fallen Cas" Dean whispered, not noticing Sam in the room yet. He pressed his forehead against Cas' refraining to kiss his lips, "I've taught you what you needed to know."

"Just let me be upset Dean, you don't understand" Cas whispered back.  
"Okay, but please don't be down all day, my day's not complete if you're not happy" Dean smiled.

"I'll try" he answered and reached for Dean's lips.

Sam cleared his throat, "guys" he made a bitchface while watching them, they kept bobbing heads back and forth in a lengthy and loud kiss, "guys" he exclaimed again. Nothing. "GUYS" he shouted while laughing. Cas nearly fell off of Dean.

"Sorry we didn't see you there" Dean smiled embarrassingly while scratching his head. "What's up?"

"Are we gonna go eat?" he asked.

"Oh, sure, yeah we can do that, right Cas?" he reassured.  
 Cas nodded and whispered somethig in Dean's ear.

"Just give us like, half an hour" Dean aughed silently with Cas.

"Oh God you guys are gonna screw around again? I'll just go get something to eat and bring it back" sam said, grabbing Dean's keys.

"Whoa there big boy," Dean smirked and put his hand out for the keys. Sam frowned and dropped them in his hand, "for one, we're not gonna fool around and two, i'm not letting you outta sight, especially with _my_ car."

"Fine, I guess I'll wait" Sam huffed, throwing his hands up in the air and sitting on the couch.

* * *

Cas grabbed Dean's hand as they entered their room and led him to the shower.

"We can't let ourselves get lost" Dean laughed, removing his clothes and stepping into the shower barely big enough for the two of them. Cas followed, still holding Dean's hand. They pulled the curtains closed and Dean adjusted the water just right. Cas hid behind Dean to save him from the steaming water, Dean laughed.  
"Well that settles it" Dean said.

"Settles what?" asked Cas, confused.

"You may not be an angel anymore, but you're still so damn cute" he smiled, rubbing soap on the tip of Cas' nose and kissing it. Cas smiled wide and pushed Dean against the shower wall while the water drenched their hair, flattening it.

"Cas" Dean whispered with his eyes closed, holding onto the curve of Cas' butt.

"I know, we can't do this right now, but I want to so bad" he whispered violently into Dean's ear, biting his neck and breathing along his chest.

"Not now babe" Dean grunted as water ran into his mouth, "i promise, tonight we can-" he was interrupted by Cas fondling with his cock, "not now Cas, okay, please." Cas sighed against Dean's skin.

"Alright, but you owe me" Cas smiled and and reached for the shampoo.

* * *

Exactly 20 minutes later, Cas and Dean walked out to Sam, ready to go.

"You guys are so gay for each other" Sam laughed and raised up from the couch.

"Yes, we are" Cas laughed.

"Now, who's the bride in this relationship?" Sam joked.

"Oh, Cas is for sure" Dean answered.

"When's the wedding?" asked Sam again.

"Soon, Sammy" Dean grunted.

"Perhaps we'll discuss it over our breakfast?" Cas added as they walked out to the Impala.


	13. I Got You

After eating their breakfast, they decided to go back home and rest for a while. Hours passed into night and they hadn't talked about Cas and Dean's wedding. To be honest, Dean thought a wedding would be unnecessary and kind of embarrassing. He tried explaining this to Cas which resulted in Cas locking himself in the room for an hour. Dean didn't try to get him to come out because he knew it wouldn't work, so he stayed out in the living room and watched TV with Sam until he heard the door unlock. With Sam asleep on the couch again, he covered him up and walked into the room. He found Cas with bottles of beer around him in a corner against a wall, head in his knees. Cas didn't even hear or see Dean walk in and close the door. Dean walked to him and sat on the floor next to him. Cas was startled and glanced at Dean in shock, then sulked his head back into his knees. Dean slipped his arm around his waist and pulled him closer to his body.

"Cas" he whispered, pressing his lips against his damp forehead. He didn't answer. "Babe, answer me." Cas just shook his head and pushed him away. "Cas don't you do this to me" Dean began to cry, "You know I love you with all my heart, but a wedding, really?"

"Yes really!" Cas shouted back. He was really drunk, bags formed under his eyes, sweat formed on his head, his hair looked like he just rolled out of bed, his shirt collar was stretched and dirty. His face gleamed from the moonlight that slipped through window blinds, you could tell he was crying by the way the light hit him.

"Cas, please" Dean murmurred into his temple, kissing it after.

"What do you want Dean?" Cas asked, dropping his head back into his knees.

"Why are you mad at me? Why do you hate me?" asked Dean desperately.

"Don't ask stupid questions" he heard Cas mumble into his jeans.

"Then why are you giving me the cold shoulder?"

"Dean you're embarrassed to get married to me" Cas explained, picking his head up and beginning to cry again.

"That's bullshit" Dean proclaimed confidently, "I will take you down to the White House, kiss you in front of those homophobic bastards if you please, I am not embarrassed to marry you" he told him.

"Then? Why don't you want a wedding?" Cas asked, breaking upon his words.

Dean sighed and pulled Cas' head into his chest, "Cas" he breathed, putting his chin on the top of Cas' head, "it would be embarrassing because nobody would come, it'd just be me, you, and Sam, ma-ybe Jo and Ellen, and Garth" Dean added.

"So?" Cas sniffled, "I don't care if it's just me and you, I've seen weddings on TV and read about them in books and, I want one Dean" Cas answered, rubbing Dean's back.

"Really?" Dean smiled. He felt Cas nod against his chest. He opulled him away from him so he could see Cas' face, "then we'll have a wedding babe" he said and kissed his forehead. Cas' face slowly lit up and smiled, teeth emerging from behind his lips.

"I love when you smile" Dean laughed and brushed his greasy hair back.

"You promised me something tonight" Cas smiled against Dean's lips, proceeding to kiss him. Dean nodded and grunted in approval, picking him up and walking to the bathroom. He put Cas on the sink and closed the door behind him, taking his shirt off. Cas rushed his hands up Dean's chest and Dean ripped Cas' off, pulling his pants down after. He undid his belt and dropped his pants down too, stepping out of them, still in Cas' embrace. Fog formed on the mirrors as Cas' hand slapped against the wall, trying to hold himself up. Dean inhaled upon Cas' neck, sucking his skin where the previous marks had faded away, creating new ones. He pulled Cas down and they walked to the shower, closing the curtains behind them. Dean turned the water on, protecting Cas from the sudden flow, knowing he hated that first gush of moisture upon his skin. The water flowed and raced down their faces as Dean pushed Cas against the wall aggressively, vibrating throughout the shower and echoing the whole bathroom. His hands slid down the curve of Cas' neck, making his way down to his hips, sucking on his tongue and biting Cas' lips. Cas dug his nails into Dean's shoulders, arms wrapping underneath his armpits and looping over them. Dean brought one hand to Cas' hair and pulled on it, while his other hand fondled with his cock. Cas grunted and it vibrated through Dean's mouth, letting go of the kiss for a few moments. Dean picked Cas up by the legs and made him sit on his hard cock. Cas moaned loudly upon Dean's entry. Dean sucked the flowing water from Cas' chest as he thrusted his hips up and down. Cas jolted and grabbed onto his neck, head heaping over onto Dean's shoulder. He inhaled against Dean's skin, water streaming into his mouth. Dean pushed against the wall so he could let go of Cas and place his hands on the wall for support. He thrusted hard and fast into Cas, the water making the sensation a thousand times stronger. He dropped his hands back to Cas' waist and pulled his body up and down, letting Cas do some of the work. He dropped his head back and moaned louder than he usually did. Water streamed down his neck and Cas slurped it up, inhaling against his skin, leaving marks just as Dean had. He began thrusting again, falling to catch himself with his hands on the wall, fucking Cas into it. He pressed his nose against Cas' and bit his bottom lip, making Cas whine. His thrust came to a halt, slowly pulling Cas down to the tub floor, bending him on his kees, facing the direction the water fell. It splashed Cas' face and he grunted in discomfort. Dean adjusted the shower head to let the water flow onto his back. He got down on one knee, the other one bent by Cas' side. He rubbed Cas' hole, sticking two fingers in deep, then three, then four. Cas' whimpers turned into cries and yelps, begging Dean to stop. He listened and entered Cas roughly, thrusting  full speed again. He latched onto cas' waist, pulling him in and out as his skin slapped against Cas' with every thrust. He inhaled against Cas' back, letting water in his mouth, and sucked on the skin. Cas' free hand jerked his own cock while the other held onto the lower bath faucet to hold him up. Their bodies slid on the tub floor, Dean trying his best to keep steady, fell on Cas' back. He turned him over and pulled out, jerking his cock for a bit. Leaning over, he bit Cas' lower lip, tasting the water from his mouth. He opened his hand wider to grab Cas' cock along with his and fucked their cocks together, sliding skin on skin. He saw the struggle in Cas' face and smiled, sucking on his neck, his free hand embracing his face, rubbing the back of his thumb on the curve of Cas' mouth.

"De-an" Cas moaned shortly, hand pulling Dean's head down. Dean let go of their cocks and pulled Cas' legs over his own shoulders, entering him once again. The water, making the tub floor slick, slipped them to the front of the tub, where Cas' head banged against the short walls of the tub. Dean placed his hand behind Cas' head to prtotect Cas from hurting himself and thrusted slowly, out of rythym. Their stomachs waved and pulsed, out of breath, short breaths. Cas clenched his teeth and tightened his eyes. Dean lifted Cas up, legs falling on the side of Dean. He sat on Dean's thighs as Dean pulled his waist up and down, sitting on Dean's cock that went in and out too quickly. He jerked his own, face falling to Dean's shoulders, inhaling and exhaling against his wet skin. Dean pulled out and they came together on one anothers' lower stomachs. Dean put his hand behind Cas' head again and shoved his nose on Cas' pulling him in for a kiss. Cas, still panting, failed to meet Dean's lips. He tried to catch his breath against Dean's skin.

"Jeez Cas, you okay?" Dean sighed. Cas wrapped his hands around Dean's neck and shook his head in disaproval. "Did I h-urt you babe?" he asked concerned. He shook his head again against Dean's shoulder. "Then what is it babe?" he asked while raising each other to their feet.

"J-ust..." he panted, "trying to catch my breath" he whispered, still clung onto Dean.

"Was I that good?" Dean smiled confidently. Cas laughed and nodded against his chest.

"You really were" he said, kissing his neck.

"You kept me motivated to keep going, the way your body was squirming and the way you were moaning" Dean hummed as he would when a fresh piece of pie was placed in front of him, "so good" he whispered in Cas' ear and Cas smiled. They hugged each other for a good while, the hot water that was now cold from how long it had been on, hadn't bothered them. Dean picked up the shampoo and lathered it through Cas' hair. As he always did when they took showers, he played with Cas' hair, styling it into a mohawk or a big afro since his hair was long enough. He swept his hair to the side, giving him bangs, "look, you're Justin Bieber" Dean laughed, opening the curtains so Cas could see himself in the mirror across the bathrrom. Cas laughed even though he didn't know who Justin Bieber was. "Just kidding, you're too hot and far too old to be that Bieber kid, and I'm sure you could shit more talent than he could anyways" he joked, rinsing Cas' hair gently. "Man, and you need a haircut ASAP" he said while running his fingers throught Cas' wet hair, making it longer. It had almost fell and rested on his shoulders.

Cas did the same as Dean and messed with his hair, but it was too short to have any fun. He just laughed and kissed Dean's cold lips.

"You think Sam noticed you left him alone out there?" asked Cas, resting his head on Dean's chest. Dean held Cas' hands and raised them over their shoulders.

"He was asleep" Dean mumbled.

"Mmmph, I'm tired Deanie" Cas whispered, closing his eyes as the water glided down his back.

  
_Deanie? Really?_ Dean thought as he laughed to himself, perhaps Cas was still a tad bit drunk, or he had fucked some humor into him. "Then let's get out of here and go to sleep huh?" he suggested, turning the water off. Cas nodded. Dean opened the curtains, sending a bone chlling gust of cold air against their bodies and Cas began to shiver, arms glued to his sides. Dean laughed at how cute Cas looked. He grabbed a towel and fixed it around his waist, handing one to Cas who tried to do the same as Dean, but failed miserably so Dean had to do it for him. They walked back into the room and threw on some briefs and sweatpants and layed in bed. They fell asleep cuddled under the blankets, Cas pulled close against Dean's chest.

* * *

The next morning, Dean got up earlier than usual, quietly leaving Cas to sleep, closing the door softly. He woke Sam up and told him not to leave, to watch Cas, and that he'd be back.

He returned about 2 hours later with roses. They'd still been asleep, for it had been only 9 AM. He quietly walked into their room and closed the door behind him. He crawled into bed next to Cas, keeping the roses safe. He began to kiss his cheek till he felt a smile grow on Cas' face.

"Morning babe" Cas grinned, eyes still closed.

"Morning" Dean smiled against Cas' skin, kissing him one last time before pulling him up and closer to him. They sat aginst the bed post, Dean's arm wrapped around Cas. He was still half asleep, yawning and rubbing at his eyes with a mix of the sex hair and bed head that Dean loved. Also, his raspy morning voice sent pleasure through Dean's body.

"Got you somethin'" Dean told him, handing him the roses. Cas smiled wider than he ever had before, eyes widening in glee. He put his nose to one of them and inhaled the smell.

"These are...beautiful Dean, thank you" he smiled and kissed his lips slowly, afraid to let go. He kept his smile and dropped his head on Dean's shoulder, staring into his green eyes.

"And this" Dean said solemnly, handing him a small box that had a bow on it. Cas eyed it for a moment, then opened it. Inside was a pure silver ring just his size.

"Is this for-" Cas asked, implying for the marriage. Dean nodded  with a slight smile on his face. Cas gasped and took the ring out and placed it around his thumb which made Dean chuckle.

"Not on that one you dummy, on this one" he told him and placed it around his ring finger, it fit perfectly. Cas stared at it in awe, smiling widely. Dean leaned in to kiss him seriously. Cas placed his hand on Dean's cheek and kissed him back.

"Thank you Dean" Cas whispered against his lips.

"I love you more than anything" Dean replied, kissing him once more.

"I wish I could get you something" Cas frowned.

"No," Dean shook his head, "no Cas, you being with me is enough, plus, I have a ring."

Cas frowned and looked at his ring, "but I wanna put one on you, like you put it on for me."

Dean sighed and took his own ring off, handing it over to Cas so he could put it back on. He smiled and slid it right back on.

"We're just gonna have to do this again at our wedding next week" Dean smiled.

"Next week?" Cas asked, excited. Dean nodded and reveled in Cas' excitement, it was too damn cute. Strange enough, he felt like he was marrying a 10 year old stuck in a 38 year old's body, the thought of it made him laugh.

"Yup, I invited Garth, Jo, Ellen, and Sam's inviting some hunting friends who are surprisingly supportive of this."

"I love you so much Dean" he said.

* * *

Later in the week as stress built up in the house with the whole wedding thing going on, Dean had hurt himself doing some work around the house and refused to go to the hospital. Cas, forgetting he was a fallen angel, tried to heal Dean, then remembered what happened. He began to cry and yell and throw things on the ground. He ran to the room and slammed the door behind him. Dean, more concerned about Cas than his self, followed him in the room and tried to calm him down. Cas stuttered when he tried to talk, he'd been crying too much. Dean held him in his arms on the floor against a wall. Cas hyperventilated, leaving Dean's shoulder moist from tears.

"I hate myself Dean, I'm so sorry I can't heal you" he whimpered as his body shook.

"Don't say that Cas, don't say that. I don't care if you can't heal me anymore, I love you Cas, please don't do this, not now babe, please" he began to cry as he found himself rocking Cas back and forth.

"I want to die, I hate myself, I'm supposed to protect you Dean, I failed, I hate life, I hate being human, I just want to be an...a-ngel again" he whined, burying his face into Dean's neck.

"Cas you're still my angel baby, you're still my angel" he whispered hesitantly as he cried harder, tugging on the back of Cas' shirt and his hands digging into Cas' hair.

"No I'm not Dean, I'm just a human with no powers. I'm stupid, people look at me funny when I do something wrong, like I'm some sort of idiot, well maybe they're right, I don't deserve you Dean, you deserve someone who can help you-"

"Shut the fuck up Castiel!" Dean shouted, shaking Cas at his shoulders, bringing him to look into his eyes, he was mortified, "You don't say these things! Fuck what others think because guess what? You're  _mine!_ Not theirs! It's just me, you, Sammy, and this house Cas. We're gonna get married in 2 days! That's something to look forward to, don't you pull this suicide shit on me again!" Dean shouted. Cas stayed speechless, and began to cry again.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm so sorry Dean, please don't hate me" he begged, falling back down to Dean's arms. "Please."

"I can never hate you, you just, you anger me sometimes with your suicide talk babe, I..I can't have that in my life, you're perfect Cas, wings or not, " he explained.

Cas smirked and closed his eyes, his stomach stuttering and his mouth gasping, trying to calm down.

"I'm sorry" he whispered again.

"Just give us 2 more days babe, and we'll be happier than ever, I promise,  _I got you"_   He told him, rocking Cas to sleep.


	14. Goodbye

2 days later and the big day had finally come. Cas and Dean had their tuxes ready to go. Cas practiced how he was gonna walk down the aisle. Inside, he was afraid and embarrassed because he didn't even know Jo, Ellen, Garth, or any of Sam's friends. He thought they'd make fun of him. He sat on the bed, twiddling his fingers until Sam came in the room.

"Hey Cas, it's almost time" he sat next to Cas and patted his back. Cas raised his eyebrows and nodded nervously.

"You okay Cas?" asked Sam who took concern.

"I'm nervous" Cas answered, "Where's Dean?"

Sam laughed, "don't be nervous Cas. Just don't look around, just look straight at Dean when you're walking down the aisle okay? And Dean, I can't tell you where he is, that'd ruin the whole surprise of the wedding, you gotta wait."

Cas frowned and sighed, looking back down at his twiddling thumbs.

"You'll be alright Cas" Sam smiled and fixed Cas' tie, "Dean loves you a lot. trust me, I know."

"How?" asked Cas.

"He's my brother, duh. I know when he truly loves someone, and he doesn't love a lot of people. That's something special Cas, feel special. Don't let my brother down" Sam said defensively. Cas nodded in approval and follwed Sam out to the living room. He took a peek out the window where Bobby's old junkyard had been made into a makeshift wedding chapel-esque type place.

"Don't worry Cas" Sam rested his hand on his shoulder, "I'm gonna go outside, don't look outside anymore. When you hear music playing, you walk outside down the aisle and next to Dean" he explained. Cas nodded with frightened eyes. "Don't let my brother down Castiel" Sam murmurred almost threatening Cas and walked outside. Cas paced the living room, waiting for any sound of music to start so he could walk down the aisle and be with his Dean already. Minutes felt like hours at that point, sweat formed on his forehead, but he wiped it away with a towel. He went for a glass of water but he heard the music begin to play. He inhaled briefly and walked outside. Roughly 12 people exluding Sam and Dean stood from their chairs, staring at Cas. He closed his eyes as his legs trembled, walking down the makeshift aisle. Dean lost his breath at the first sight of Cas. He stared at him, trying to get his attention to just focus on him, he subtly bit his botom lip, exhaling through his nose. His hands rested behind his back. His whoile body was tense, that's how much of an impact Castiel in a tuxedo had on Dean. He saw the fear in Cas' eyes. He wanted to run down the aisle, pick him up, and drive far away with him.

Cas' eyes moved around the 12 people who were all eyes on him until he met Dean's. Once he did, Dean smiled in awe and with such passion. Cas had to stop for a brief second, the sight of Dean in a tuxedo bewildered him and he inhaled again. He felt slightly more confident as he walked more comfortably down the aisle, eyes on Dean. Once he reached him, he stared into Dean's eyes and smiled wider than he'd ever smiled before. Dean smirked and grabbed his hands, only looking at Cas. Not Sam or anybody else. It was just them 2. Sam walked over to them and handed them their rings. Cas, remembering what to do, slid Dean's ring on the finger it had always been on, as did Dean for Cas.

"Now, no one here is really legal to marry Dean and Cas but to them, they'll always be married in their hearts. I don't know what a pastor usually says to a bride- I mean a groom and a groom" Sam exclaimed to the guests.

"No, Cas is the bride" Dean shouted out, leaving the guests with a laugh. Cas had also laughed.

"All I know to say is this," Sam cleared his throat, "Dean, do you take Cas to be your be beloved husband?"

Dean stared into Cas' eyes, "I do" he spoke.

"And Castiel, do you take Dean to be your beloved husband?"

Cas stared back at Dean, smirking and said, "I do." The guests let out an  _Awwww_.

"Dean, you may kiss your husband" Sam said, wanting to laugh. 

Cas and Dean both smiled and leaned in. Dean pressed his lips against Cas' holding onto his waist as Cas wrapped one arm around Dean's waist, and one around his neck. Dean was the first to break his tongue through their lips. In the background, everybody clapped and stood up for them. Cas didn't want to let go of Dean's embrace, but he knew they had to at somepoint. Dean let go, leaving with a short inhale that only Cas could hear and it sent spurts of pleasure through his body. Dean smiled and put his arm out for Cas. He looped his arm through Dean's and walked down the aisle, into the house, heading for the room. 

                   "Dean" Cas whispered into his ear seductively, shoving him against the door after he closed it. Dean closed his eyes and held onto Cas' waist. Cas untucked Dean's shirt, sliding his hands up his bare chest, latching onto his shoulders. Dean grunted, letting his body fall to the wall. Cas unbottoned Dean's shirt, kissing his neck and chest with every button he set free. He sank to his knees and sucked on Dean's lower stomach, undoing his belt as quickly as he could. After the belt was free, he unbottoned and unzipped his slacks, letting them fall to the floor. He sucked on his pelvis, making his way up to his bellybutton, sucking around that. Dean's body quivered with every suck and moan Castiel let out. He ran his fingers through Cas' hair, pushing his head deeper into his skin, rocking his body back and forth. Cas bit on the elastic of Dean's briefs, pulling them down with his hands, setting his cock free.

"C-as, not now" Dean whispered even though he really wanted it.

"It's too late Dean" he whispered on Dean's cock, the breaths sending chills down Dean's spine, making him tense up and moan. He began to lick Dean's cock slowly, sucking the circumfrence of the head while stroking the shaft. Dean pushed Cas' head into his cock, shoving it well down Cas' throat. He heard Cas gasp for air and let out a slurp when he took it out of his mouth. He jerked it hastly while staring up at Dean who's eyes were shut tight and mouth was open but no sounds coming out. He placed his free hand on the curve of Dean's waist, while sucking on his cock. He bobbed his head to and fro, cock entering and slipping out, moist and hard. Dean pulled on Cas' hair and pushed him, making Cas choke again. Cas placed both his hands on Dean's stomach, pushing himself outward, letting Dean's cock slide out of his throat and out his mouth. He coughed and gasped for air. He took a few moments to catch his breath before both of Dean's hands cradled his head and pushed him into his cock again. Cas struggled to set himself free again, but once he was, Dean repeated and repeated until his breaths grew short and out of rythym. He pushed Cas into his cock once more, holding it there, resisting Cas' pulls and cries, thrusting his hips forward, fucking Cas' mouth until he came inside. He let Cas go and he nearly fell to the floor, but Dean held him up. He tried catching his breath, holding his hand to his chest and breathing shortly. Dean stroked his cock and let the rest of the come out, grunting to himself. Cas wiped his mouth and his tuxedo blazer. Dean pulled Cas to his feet and pushed him against the wall. "I want you to fuck me" Cas whispered in Dean's ear. Oh how he'd love to fuck Cas' brains out right now, rather than go outside and thank everyone for coming. He'd love to bend him over on the bed and pound the shit out of him, till he was blue in the face, but he couldn't.

"Not now Cas" Dean whispered back. Cas whined.

"Come on Dean" he murmurred.

"No, we have to go out and thank everyone for coming" Dean told him.

"Fuck them Dean" Cas said.

"Fuck you!" Dean exclaimed in shock.

"Please" Cas smiled. Dean couldn't help but laugh and pick up him and carry him to bed. 

"Listen, I promise, " Dean said as he was interrupted by Cas' lips against his, "I promise that," he was kissed again, "promise we can," Cas just didn't wanna stop, "I promise we can have a little fun on," again, "on our honeymoon" Dean laughed, enjoying Cas' playful kisses. Cas sucked his teeth like a bratty kid.

"But I want it now" Cas cried.

"No Cas, please I promise," Cas kissed him again, maybe it was something about that word  _promise_ ,"I swear I'll make it up" Cas broke their lips with his tongue and twisted around Dean's, "make it up to you" Dean finished as he removed himself from the bed. Cas rolled his eyes and got up with him.

"Fine, but I get to be on top this time then" Cas told him because he knew he liked when  _he_ was on top, not Cas. Dean exhaled and agreed, putting his clothes back on. They walked back out to the living room, fixing their ties and messy hair, trying not to make their occurance too obvious.

"There they are!" Garth shouted and raised his wine glass, the others following suit. Dean smirked and held on to Cas' hand because he could sense his nerves and shyness.

"It's okay baby" Dean whispered into Cas' ear, kissing his forehead after. Cas had grown immune to when Dean called him baby, oddly enough, he grew a liking for that word.

They walked around the room together, thanking everyone for coming, Dean introducing Cas for the first time to everyone. Cas grew a little more comfortable as time passed, chugging a few beers down and pouring Dean some champagne.

"I'd like a toast" Sam shouted as he tapped his glass with silverware. Dean was confused and sat down with Cas on the couch.

"First of all, I'd like to say congratulations to my brother" Sam smiled, "he's come a long way, coming back from hell and all" he joked and everyone laughed, "but most importantly, I wanted to say thanks to Castiel for not only saving my brother from hell, but saving him from himself. You may not be an angel anymore Cas but what you've done, is more than I'd ever be able to do for Dean. He's never loved anyone this way more than he loves you" he told Cas and Cas smiled subtly, fixing his eyes on Dean. "Without Cas, where would Dean and I be right now?" he asked rhetorically, "Certainly not alive I'll tell you that, so give it up for my brother and my brother-in-law!" he finished, raising his glass of champagne and everyone mimicked. Dean and Cas kissed each other softly under everyone's raised glasses and they all cheered.

After everybody had left from the "wedding party", Cas, Sam, and Dean all sat, exhausted from cleaning up and talking. Sam fell asleep on the recliner and Cas and Dean locked up, and went to bed with no sex that night.

* * *

In the morning, Dean woke up to Cas laughing at the TV. He was already in Cas' embrace, for Cas' arm wrapped around and under his waist, his head resting on his chest.

"Morning babe" Dean said, groggy, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey!" Cas exlaimed, rolling on top of Dean and kissing his lips excitedly. It amazed Dean how quick Cas caught on to human ways because usually Dean would be the first one up, he'd have to wake up Cas with kisses, or if Cas was awake first, he'd stare at Dean until he woke up. He was gonna miss that about Cas,a lot, but he had to embrace the new Him.

"Why are you all happy -go -lucky?" asked Dean with a lazy smile.

"I know where I wanna go for our honeymoon" Cas told him, biting his own bottom lip, chests touching, and Cas staring into Dean's green eyes.

"Oh yeah? Where?" Dean asked, yawning and stretching his arms, letting them fall on Cas' bare back.

"Here" Cas said as he put Dean's phone in front Dean's face. It made him laugh that Cas was using an iPhone, and actually knew how to use it. Dean took it from his hands and closed one eye to get a better look at it. Cas rested his chin on Dean's chest, walking his fingers on his neck. On the phone was a few pictures of what looked like Hawaii.

"Hawaii Cas? Really?" Dean asked, how unoriginal.

"Generally, yes, I want to go there with you. And no offense,  _just_ me and you" he said.

"Of course it's just gonna be me and you baby" Dean smiled and closed his eyes, almost falling back asleep before Cas kissed his neck.

"I can't wait" he smiled against Dean's skin.

"Me either" Dean smiled back. They layed in each other's arms for the next 10 minutes, Cas not shutting up about how beautiful Hawaii looked, and how perfect it would be just them 2.

"When can we go?" asked Cas.

"I'll have Sam check when the next available and  _affordable_ flight is" Dean said.

"I wish I were still an angel" Cas frowned and Dean opened his eyes, afraid he'd start on his suicide binge again,"because I'd be able to just  _take_ us there you know?" Cas smiled in regret and then let out a well needed sigh upon Dean's chest.

"Oh baby" Dean exhaled, rubbing Cas' back, the other hand running his fingers through his hair, "you'll be okay, we'll be just fine. I  _promise_ " he told him, "I got you." Cas nodded.

They went out to the living room where they saw Sam cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

"Morning lovebirds!" Sam sang.

"Hey Sammy" Dean greeted and sat on the couch, "you think I can use your laptop?"

"For?" asked Sam, remembering everytime he used it, he used it for Busty Asian Beauties.

"I need to look up some flights for Hawaii" he said, grabbing the laptop anyway.

"Hawaii?" Sam asked, realizing it was for their honeymoon, "oh wow Dean! You picked the most cliché place to go!" he laughed.

"It was Cas' idea" Dean scoffed and started up the internet.

"Well since you're already on my laptop, go ahead" he said. Dean hit the empty space next to him a few times, motioning for Cas to come and sit next to him. Cas followed and put one arm around Dean.

"They have one for next Saturday at 12 pm, it's pretty affordable" Dean suggested.

"Let's go on that day!" he exclaimed impatiently.

"Hold your horses Cas" Dean said, "get me one of our credit cards" Dean told Cas.

"Hey Sammy you don't mind if it's just Cas and I right?" asked Dean.

"Of course not man, it's your thing, not mine" he answered.

"You'll be okay alone?" he asked.

"Yes Dean" he replied.

He ordered 2 first class tickets.

* * *

A few days passed and Cas was eager to go to Hawaii with Dean, he wouldn't shut up about it. Every night from the day Dean bought the tickets, it's been nonstop sex for them two. Sam was getting used to it, he made himself a room in one of the back rooms, he could barely hear a thing and he finally got sleep. One night, Cas told Dean he was going out to get something and at this point in their realtionship and how well he's been taking his fall, he let him go alone. Bad idea. Cas came home hours after he said he'd be home. Dean was worried sick, pacing the living room, trying to call Cas' phone that had apparently been off.

As he walked through the door, he smelled of alchohol and was clearly drunk.

"Cas what the hell?" Dean shouted.

"Wh-what?" asked Cas, completely out of it.

"You went out to drink Cas?" he asked disconcertingly, "without me?"

"I'm so-" he burped, "I'm sorry D-ean" he slurred on his words, trying to keep his balance.

"And you drove home!?"

"I was...careful" he smiled wide, nearly dancing around in his unbalanced posture.

"Damn you Cas!" Dean shouted and went to the room.

"De-ean!" he called out in remorse, but he fell back on the couch and that was that, he passed out and slept the rest of the night.

The next morning, Dean woke up without Cas by his side and he remembered why, growing furious again. He still loved him though and was worried about his health, so he sought out to get some Advil and other pain medication. He crept over to Sam's room to tell him where he was going and he left.

Cas woke upabout 15 minutes later with a severe headache. He walked over to the room and got undressed so he could lay down. Once his body hit the mattress, he realized Dean wasn't there. He panicked and jumped to his feet. 

"He left me" he whispered to himself, "what have I done, he left me, Oh God he left me!" he whispered loudly, pulling at his hair and began to hyperventilate. He paced the room a few times, scratching at his head and thinking. He proceeded to look around the house, forgetting about Sam. His heart began to beat too quickly that it hurt his chest. He grew dizzy from his hangover and panick attack. He stumbled over into the kitchen and scrimmaged through drawers to look for pain medication.

"shit" he cried to himself, falling to the floor. He was almost too dizzy to function. He raised to his feet slowly, almost falling back down. He walked back to the room carefully, holding onto doors and bumping into walls. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it, falling to the floor. His tears filled his eyes, blurring his vision and he wiped them away with his sweaty palm.

"Dean" he whispered even though he knew he wasn't in the room. He cried silently, sinking his head into his knees. He was short of breath and he crawled over to get a paper and a pen from the desk in the room. He proceeded to write. Once he was done, he crumpled it up and threw it in the trash, rendering it useless. He got up and walked over to his side table, removing the gun from the makeshift compartment. He held it in his hands, hands trembling in fear, almost dropping it from the shaking of his hands.

"I'm so sorry Dean" he whispered and cocked it back. He placed it to his head and shut his eyes. "I love you Dean" he whispered, crying uncontrollably. He pressed his lips together, finger curling around the trigger. "I'm sorry I let you down" he whispered. 

He didn't feel a thing. His body fell to the floor with a loud  _thud_ and the gun dented the floor. His blood spewed across the walls and a puddle formed around his head. The gunshot had startled Sam awake and he leaped out of bed.

"Dean!" he shouted, but no answer. He rushed through the house, looking in every room and finally entering Cas and Dean's room. He stopped at the first sight of red, trembling back against the wall, body shaking and breathing unevenly. 

"Cas!" he heard Dean shout from the front door. "Cas where are you, I got you something to make you feel better babe, let's talk about last night, I'm sorry" Dean talked through the hallway, approaching the room. "Cas?" he mumbled again with a smile before dropping his the bags when he saw his lifeless, bloody body on the floor. Sam yelled in agony, reaching out to catch Dean who fell to Cas' body.

"CASTIEL!" he yelled as he began to cry on point. "Cas no!" he hit the floor, pulling at his hair and clenching his teeth. He broke out in tears, rubbing Cas' breathless body.

"Dean" Sam mumbled in between cries, sinking next to his brother, "Dean I'm so sorry."

"Screw you!" Dean hissed.

"Dean?"

"No screw you Sam! You were supposed to watch him! Where the fuck were you?"

" I was sleeping! I.....I didn't know he was awake! I don't understand why he'd do this!" Sam shouted back.

"Just get out! get out! GET OUT NOW!" Dean yelled in his face, aggressively pointing to the door. 

Sam listened to his brother and rushed out the door, scared. Dean got up and slammed the door, falling against it.

"Why Cas?" he whispered, cheek pressed against the door, tears wetting it. "WHY?" he yelled and kicked the wall. He fists beat the door, leaving dents and even making a hole.

He paced around the room, arms above his head, trying not to look at the blood. He looked down and notcied the pen on the floor. With a pen and a dead body, there had to be a note. He searched quickly for any sign of one and finally found it in the trash bin. He sank to the floor next to Cas' body, back against the bed. He unwrinkled it and began to read.

_Dean I am sorry. I'm sorry for going out last night. I'm sorry for_

_disappointing you. I've been stressed out all week. I miss being an angel Dean._

_I want to be an angel again. I want to be able to heal your scars or take_

_you places without the long drives. I want to be able to protect you._

_When I fell, I couldn't do that anymore. I may have seemed content Dean,_

_but I really wasn't. You made me feel happy however, and loved._

_You seemed so mad at me last night. Even though I was drunk, you_

_seemed really angry with me, and I don't like when you're mad at me._

_It scares me and it's an unpleasant feeling in my heart. I think the term would be heartbreaking. I wish you wouldn't have left me without at least saying goodbye._

_You said you promised everything would be okay and well I'm sorry to say it,_

_but it wasn't. I love you Dean and you are probably already aware that I_

_can't come back this time. I'm human, and humans just simply don't_

_come back from the dead. That is only if you are a Winchester. And I_

_may have been Castiel Winchester, but I was never really a Winchester by blood. I_

_love you Dean. I'll see you on the other side. I'm sorry. I love you baby._

_Love, Cas_

Dean crumpled the paper and threw it against the wall. He yelled out in agony and Sam rushed back in. 

"Sammy" he reached out for his hand.

"Dean, Dean don't worry I'm here" he cried  and sat next his brother, hugging him for comfort.

"Sammy, he, he thought I left him, I should've told him...." Dean whimpered, head falling onto Sam's broad shoulder.

"We'll get through this I promise" Sam whimpered with him, holding him tight.

"Not again" Dean cried, "not a-fucking-gain."


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short

"Dean please, you'll be okay, we'll be okay, please" Sam cried into Dean's hair as he squeezed his big brother tight. Dean sobbed uncontrollably, murmurring every curse word that came to mind.

"S-s-am, I can't" Dean croaked, clearing his throat. His eyes were red from the tears and exhaustion. They sat, embracing each other as tight as they could for an hour, staring at Cas' lifeless body that had stopped bleeding. The puddle of blood around his head turned to a crimson color, staining his briefs and bare skin. Dean wanted to join him, he wanted to get the gun and blow his brains out too, just so he could be with Cas and stop crying, so the pain would fade, but Sammy kept the gun from him. 

Dean no longer slept in that room, they had buried Cas out in the backyard and had a funeral for him too. Dean often was drunk, yelling at Sam, throwing bottles, but Sam understood to an extent. One night, bottles were being thrown against the wall, plates broke, even Cas and Dean's Hawaii tickets went missing. Sam thought of the only logical reason for it: Cas was a vengeful spirit. He tried explaining his theory to Dean but Dean wouldn't have it. He shook his head and drank some more, falling asleep wherever he sat. He had hurt himself physically at times when Sam wasn't looking, attempted suicide, but those 2 days without Cas around were slowly killing him. Sam had to take him everywhere, sometimes he couldn't even take a shower without worrying about Dean. Then one night, Dean believed Sam about Cas' spirit.

He was sitting down, feeling a little better, he was even laughing and watching TV with Sam. The TV had cracked in front of them, the empty beer bottles flew across the room, wind kicked up, sending papers flying and all of a sudden, the Hawaii tickets landed next to Dean, torn and frayed.

"Cas" Dean began to cry.

"Let it out Dean" Sam shook his head, feeling sorry for his little brother.

"Cas you need to stop!" Dean shouted, angry and sad at the same time, "baby you need to calm down!" and expectedly, the wind slowed down and the bottles stopped breaking. They heard footsteps running down the hall. Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He got up, and Sam followed him in the hallway. The footsteps lead them outside and stopped at Cas' grave.

"Babe, I already sat with you today, I sat with you for 2 hours talking to you. I can't right now baby, it's raining" Dean mumbled, trying to hold back his tears. Footsteps started up again behind them in the house and they followed them. Bottles broke again and doors opened and closed shut, slamming and vibrating throughout the house.

"Castiel! Stop!" Dean yelled, frustrated and hurt, "I promise I will sit with you tomorrow, and I'll talk to you even though I know you can't say anything back." The footsteps ran and led them to Dean's duffle bag that contained all their hunting things. The footsteps and commotion stopped behind them. Dean sank to his knees to scrimmaged through his bag. 

"I think he wants me to burn his bones" Dean talked to himself, breaking upon his words. Sam placed a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"You can do it Dean, he wants to rest and I think that's what you want for him, right?" he asked. Dean nodded and rubbed his nose and proceeded to take the matches and salt from his bag.

"I can do this" he whispered.

They walked outside and it had stopped raining. Sam found a shovel and began to dig up Cas' grave.

"I don't think I can look at his body Sammy" he cried, looking away.

"Dean he wants _you_  to do it, you should do it" he told him.

"I should" Dean agreed. Sam dug deep enough to show Cas' lifless body that had been dressed up in the tuxedo he wore on their wedding day. Dean sighed and mumbled _Fuck_. He stood over the grave and let his tears fall into it.

"Need some space man?" asked Sam who tapped his shoulder.

"No...I need you here" Dean told him, and those words comforted Sam.

"Alright Dean" Sam nodded and stood a distance away from him.

"Y-you know what my last words were to him?" Dean laughed in pain.

Sam, not sure if he should answer, stood quiet. "Damn you Cas" he laughed again, closing his eyes, "Damn you Cas, those were my last words to him. Not I love you or Goodnight, or It's okay, Damn you Cas" he sobbed and Sam held him up.

"Just do it Dean" he said softly. Dean nodded, wiped his tears away, and started to light the matches.

"Wait Sammy," he stopped.

"Yeah?"

"Can you get me his coat from... _the room?" he asked._  Sam nodded and ran to the room, grabbed the coat and came back.

"I'm afraid he'd be attatched to that too, and it would be too painful for me to look at" he confessed and kissed the coat, then tossed it next to Cas. He pulled out the frayed ticket to Hawaii and layed it on top of Cas.

"I'm still gonna go Cas, you'll be there in spirit, I'll come back and tell you all about it" he smiled. He lit the matches and stared at Cas' body one last time, " _I promise_." 

His body lit up in flames before their eyes, Dean dropping his face into Sam's chest and weeping loudly, Sam as well.

* * *

The next day was the day Dean had to leave for Hawaii and promised Sam he'd be okay. He stayed in a hotel alone, crying most nights, thinking mainly about how him and Cas would be fucking at that moment, or swimming in the beautiful beaches. He scooped up some sand and brought back a pretty shell that he knew Cas would love because he took interest in the finer things.

When he returned home, Sam was there for him at the airport and drove him home, asking about the trip. Dean would smile and after every sentence, he'd say _Cas woulda dug that,_  or, _He woulda loved it out there._ _  
_  


When they returned home, Dean's first stop was to Cas' grave. He told him all about the trip, smiling and laughing and finally happy for the first time in a week. He poured the sand all around Cas' grave and dug the shell deep into the dirt and laid a Hawaiian lei over the cross the stuck out of the ground on his grave.

"Miss you Cas" he said with a smile on his face.

* * *

That night he had bad nightmares and Sam had to come to the rescue. He held Dean tight as he went off about Cas' death, then he said something that really fired up Sam.

"If not for you and your demonic instincts, Cas would still be here" Dean snarled and Sam let go of him.

"That's it! I'm done! I've had it up to here with you blaming _me_  for his death! He offered to fix me! You can fend for yourself Dean because I'm sick of being a punching bag. At first I understood, because you were hurt, but now you're pulling the demon crap on me? That's no fair! Goodbye Dean!" Sam yelled and packed his stuff up, Dean begging him not to go, pleading and apologizing. Sam ignored him and took Dean's keys and left.

"NO!" Dean screamed, banging the door after Sam shut it in his face. 

"No no no no no" he whimpered, slamming his head against the door and sinking to his knees. After minutes of sobbing in despair, he shot up and went to the kitchen. He scrimmaged through the drawers and pulled out a butcher's knife. He ran out into the late night, it was pouring and he was freezing. He stood over Cas' grave and cried, apologizing to him, Sam, everyone he had hurt along the way, took the knife to his skin and hesitated. 

He looked up at _Dean_  and whispered, "I'm so sorry" 

He saw Cas on the other side.


End file.
